when you feel like telling him
keep it in.
you know he will never feel how you feel

when you feel like telling him
hesitate.
will he still treat you the same?

when you feel like telling him
remember that being unsure is a no.
it’s horrifying to think about what he might say

when you feel like telling him
make sure you’re ready to accept the consequences.
don’t you want to keep your best friend?

will your hugs scare him now?
will your cuddles insinuate something more?
will silence still be comfortable?

when you feel like telling him
make a sacrifice.
it’s better for you to hurt than him

1997
the roots of my family tree
are shallow and malnourished,
breaking through the Earth's skin as a reminder
that it cannot always keep the ugly
hidden underneath.
my DNA is a life sentence for a crime
I never wanted to commit.

1999
my father called my brother a king
before he even left the womb.
a solar eclipse that has lasted years
because of my inability to escape his shadow;
though, I'm not sure I ever will.
the world will always be his stage,
and I, just a poorly constructed backdrop.

2005
my skin has turned
black and blue back into flesh.
I hope, one day,
my mind takes a lesson from my body
and learns how to forget you.

2011
they call him the all merciful god,
and I can't help but to laugh,
because the only thing he promised
to those who hurt me was forgiveness.
I prayed up until the day
god changed his phone number.
atheism is a learned behavior;
I only wonder when god stopped
believing in me.

2015
I live my life in reverse.
I drink coffee at midnight,
read the epilogues first,
go to bed in the morning.
I spent my childhood in this grave,
now it is time to dig myself out.

Some people are just made for you
You know it the second you enter a room they're in
You feel it before you even see them
You love them with every cell that makes your heart beat
They touch you and you crumble
They move and you follow
They breath and you can feel their inhale through your lungs
You become two halves of one person.

it's been quite some time
since we've spoken, or seen
each other in person.
our brother still doesn't understand.
mom and dad don't talk about
you anymore, nobody really does.
maybe it's because of the distance,
or maybe it's because everybody
thinks since you're an adult you don't
need us anymore. but to me, you are still much more than name or a face in a photo album.
I used to tell so many stories of you and I.
from our late night talks, to how I used
to jump into your arms whenever you walked
into the room.
I'm sorry I have become silent in recent years, for I have found the presence of a sister in many friends. it fills up the empty space you left in my heart, but I always leave space for you in my mind.
I still look through the pictures
of us, and it still hurts that you're not
there to see them too.
I still wonder about you all the time.
I wonder if your hair is still short, if I'm still taller than you, or if you really
joined the military or if you decided on getting a degree instead.
I wonder if your address is still in florida,
or if you've moved across the globe like
you always wanted to. sometimes I can't
help but wonder if you live amongst the
stars now, and the only thing left of you is a stone. and I really hope that isn't the case.
I just hope, wherever you are whatever you
are doing you are smiling. I hope I cross your
mind every once in awhile, even if it's just
for a second. I hope we meet again and the silence will broken between us. and if you are in the stars, I hope I can make you proud.

I don't belong to you.
I belong to the world.
I am of the essence of the stars.
I am meant to be free,
to be wild,
and to run with the hunted.

I saw a flower
in a crack of a sidewalk,
that reminded me of you.
Not because it was common,
but because it was original.
Something beautiful
that grew
from nothing.

His eyes were like honey
She yearned for something sweet

It was once a hand held out to you
leaking venom and broken promises
he smiled, said "Take it"
I can take care of you

Did you believe it
even when your wrists dripped
the color of your own self-destruction?

When Be Mine
became less edible ink
on Valentine candy
and more invisible shackles
disguised as the bangles
he tightened around you
to hide the scars.

When You are so easy to manipulate
started sounding like,
"You are so easy to love"

and you let the words morph into something beautiful,
because you so badly wanted to believe in the lie.

When you begin to tell yourself
that He never hit me
was the same as He never hurt me

And you start to wonder how
He broke you so gently.