i never told you how beautiful you were,
i made you feel special at some point. but i was not surprised that you
did not respond the next day.
i promised you many things,and now its like i'm writing a handbook with my right hand; which i don't write with my right hand.
i cannot speculate anything when you say something.

but how can i be so sure?
"always follow your heart, even if it hurts." you said.
so i did. and now i'm the happy girl i always wanted to be
or am i?
you can never tell if the person your looking at is just sad or depressed because of what they've been through

but i promise them it'll be okay!
and so it was.
but she was still dealing with her body issues
and shes gone off guard with herself,
and doesn't care about the aftereffect about herself.
people realize whats worth for them is everything
but only you can be the one to change yourself
and love yourself.
and i see there is no in between due to the fact iv'e done it.

to this day i have many questions
to this day i am still looking for love,
i know it will not be long for me to realize i will have my questions answered
but pessimistic thoughts still haunt me
i do not want to come to this but i am feeling numb
my one mindset is on the people who love and appreciate me
not for looks, just me

i always thought love was silly
but it can do so much more than feeling things
every day i tell myself 2 things
1. ill find love some day
2. the future is unsure of itself
but i tend to have this unforgettable thought of her
but i know i will move on one way or another
but just this once i want to feel loved one last time

my obsession with the thought of you
is like seeing the ocean and never looking back
i want to see you
i want to feel your touch
but you're not here
you are somewhere here, in this universe
i do not want to believe i don't have you yet
but i can feel you
your gift of your heart
i'll be waiting

love,
we are either in love, falling in love, or falling out of it
there are many ways to explain the term of love.
some of us are too numb to feel any of it
so we hide underneath the covers because love is in the air

if only we can see that not all love is not all bad.
i am afraid of falling in love so i hide and decline my thoughts
i rather stay to myself than to get hurt with the emotions inside me
i learned this by encountering it
i know out there id find someone
but now is like a rotten fruit next to perfect veggies
were all just little kids looking for a beautiful someone
i don't want to hurt no more

how i loved
each bare, floor
naked walls shadows on
newly empty halls
by day, my head humming
to itself of dreams, i cleaned and scrubbed
to make my life new; dislodging from the corner,
the old moths and cicadas

pinned on the screen dangling from beams,
and each windowsill clutter of dried leaves

i hate the fact that i love you, i cannot say this enough
i cant believe who i am because of the cause i became
back on the hurting
the new girl really loves her
she did this before it started
her scars her pain are still what they have become
but i sink into the feeling of her three words
"i love you"
i wanted her
i needed her
but now she is gone
and i predict its all my fault
i live with this day by day
but still wonder why i feel this way