I woke up in a tidy bed, with an ache soothed,
With a light body,
With my head on right.

I walked outside with a smile and my hair done,
With pretty makeup,
With myself again.

When all I needed was a love, and an understanding,
How could you make me spend every night
Just waiting to leave?
When my heart was in something, and my eyes were beaming
How could you never understand? How?

I’m going to sleep with a clear mind, with a heart beating,
With no thoughts of you,
While I cloud your conscience,
And haunt your narrative.

God, let me wake up
With her fingers in my hair,
Her breath dancing on my skin,
Her eyes flickering like sunbeams,
Burning through my skull.

God, let me wake up
With her presence lingering,
Her voice tying knots through mine,
Our skin flush to one another,
Melting together and welding our souls.

God, let me wake up
With the scent of her perfume,
Her rings on my nightstand,
Blonde strands on each pillow,
Like threads keeping us bound.

God, let me wake up with her heart,
And lay me to rest with her soul.

It’s a deep cut
Growing into these bones
I resented before

Where I am
God is not
Deadbeat killer
Overdosed alone

Light at the end of the tunnel
Is overwhelmingly bright
Blinded on my way in
Lack of navigation

Heart is beating but
It was meant to stop

Maybe I’m not strong enough,
To carry man’s weight. My back wasn’t made
For empty promises, lack of understanding.

You feel no attraction to me. Yet,
You yearn for me. You tell your father about
Everything I do. You break chains
For me.

Where are Stonewall’s bricks?
Thrown in windows, wooden
Doors.
Doors that mean nothing,
Because my heart is elsewhere.

Maybe God is not strong enough,
To carry man’s weight.
You use his name in vain,
To carry out your warfare on
A peaceful race.

The tearing of ligaments,
Like stems,
Fresh out of soil.
Heatwaves through a body
That has suffered only pain.

Through leisure I am compromised,
Like fruit I’m
Left to rot.
Muscles, tight and throbbing.
These wings are meant to be shed.

I want every poem to be about you.
Love, hate, lust and in between.
I want every picture burnt, I want your heart
Torn out, I want to say goodnight
To bones and kiss your skull.

Every poem is about you.
Love, hate, lust and pain.

And I cannot express a thing, it eats me up
Beyond belief.
To love you is a sacrifice I make, because
I **** myself in the process, and when my organs spill out,
My heart drops first and breathes
Your name,
Over and over and over and over and over