Trying to force the natural sequence of nature is like slamming your head against a board of nails. Acceptance of who we are in our own divinity,  instead of playing dress up and pretending to be someone we are not.

You can’t wear Prada, drink the richest bourbon, smoke fancy cigars, and do the finest line of ******* and compare yourself to the man.  The boy, mimicking a man.  
You see, he wears Levi’s, smells of cheap whiskey, smokes whatever is free,  and writes about a life that once was, before the pain.  The infallible days of clarity.

You can’t walk a poor mans path, with your rich arrogance.  There isn’t enough money to buy this man’s soul.  His story, unfolds daily and reeks of a heavy burden, lack of that deep intimacy, lack of hope.  Yet, he is rich in character, rich in wisdom, rich in reflection and worth so much more than the shell of a human pretending to be what he never will be.

The man’s book embodies thousands of pages,  well read.  The boys, empty pages of a life never lived.

Carry on…nothing to see here

We ran that dream down the shore line that night.

Sat watched the lights off in the distance nothing was shared for you didn't have anything left.

And I was a memory sitting beside you in the sand that already you had allowed to be taken away with the tide.

It was time to free float, taking that deep breath in while letting the life force leave the corpse that’s been stealing breath from life for far to long.

All that defined me, every soul fragment lost on a far away dream that was in itself as empty as a tomb with timeless echos.

An existence wasted don't you think?  

The mind ***** my own soul while blood still raged hot through my veins.  I could have, but chose not.

There is a place we lose ourselves slowly with time , age and bitterness.

It never is questioned and often finds us alone when all we ever needed was another.

Maybe like animals we know when it's time and simply distance ourselves from the pack.

I cannot recall anymore what it was to be part of that which lingers upon the horizon .

As badly as I thirst to know I realize it is a broken dream and I need only too sleep we all lose something.

Down by the shore is where they will find me .

Caught in the sadness that is a misspent existence watching all those free horses as they run.

Life never stops but surely will I .

All those pretty horses will often remind you the true meaning of being alone.

More than anything she wanted to open the windows and

scream ******* until her lungs burned from the sin

but having seen Jesus sitting in the corner, taking a drag

from his cigarette while staring at her with those piercing

blue eyes …stopped that thought.   And it faded like her soul

inside the swirls of smoke.

He leaned forward and without moving his lips he

planted the words inside her head…

“Sorry sweets…no one gives a **** anyways.”


And the devil laughed as always ready to find humor

in the most awkward moments

"We can't all walk on water sweetheart…

But we can **** sure sink to the bottom and remain in the depths".

No light can exist without darkness to remind us the borders are forever blurred so easily.

Three knocks on the table and he simply laughed to himself then relaxed in his chair

"I'm always around if you care for some company".

Often as adults we question everything where children care blindly without remorse .

The jaded no longer control the meek and we all find our own way somewhere in between.

Nobody has the answers , just a few are far more gifted at selling lies as answers .

We are strangers locked within the same tomb.

Castaways from are truths so we covered ourselves from their lies .

Lost within and somehow standing beside others we have little hope for.

Do we settle for the comfort or embrace the truth to understand all with little to show .

So close even the rejection can be sensed without a word spoken between.


Manipulation with ***** fingernails and dry tears cease to effect the outer shell anymore.

Numb and faded by the games that are played finding that hiding is the best we can do.

Fear of;  the unknown rapes my senses to the point of slamming all doors while painting lamb's blood across the entry.

Hence casting away all menacing shadows of past demons.

This isn't a life, but in being spent, broken, and abused I simply can't afford more than hiding.

Can you?

Crystalline eyes look through my soul
as if they seek to secretly know me  
while the night sky splits in two
leaving two shadows glistening
under the black moon
...the crow caws eight times  

Piercing my skin with only one thought
as unknown feelings rush through me
making me gasp for small breaths
from the pit of my well of souls

Erratic heart beat causes
wicked rise and fall upon collapsing veins  
taking me deep inside my weakness
...you control me

Kneeling before you begging for mercy
as you slowly move next to me
your raspy voice taunting my ears
..."I will be watching you from below"

Blinding flames burn against my face
while you escaped into the abyss of heat
vanishing into the dirt beneath my feet
there...then gone

A haunting of soul took place
gnawing slowly at my insides  
while whispers echo into my ears
startling me back to that day

...when your eyes ate my soul
your lips tasted my tears
and your fire sealed my need

I feel your presence
...fanning me to your flame~

There it was the dead air she was waiting for
the time in between lies and *******.
Love in layers like the onion and all that boils
down to is burning stench.
Can’t blame the dream though
since reality holds its own truth.

Light up, take a drag
Fill your glass to the rim
Spill the false bravado to page

And there; is where the painful laughter ends.

Some people mean well but when they ask you the question
are they really prepared for the answer?

How am I?  Well let me tell you.
Life is lived daily by the frayed edges of well worn rope.
My stale cigarette is just one inhale away from burning my flesh.
Lovers?  I'm one **** away from a grand STD because I don't care
enough to love anymore.  Just into the harsh slip and slide offered
in the back of the sticky floored bar.  It's filled with people like me here.
We don't talk, we stare, we smoke, the burn of the poison going down
strokes a fire that makes us feel alive.

They want me to change.  Change is was what brought me here.
Ironic isn't it?  Massive waves of stench roll over my light filled
soul trying to dim.  That, they can never have.  No matter how far
I've gone into the dark night of the soul...no one gets my flame.

A poison push just another shot then we simply say are goodbyes .
Can we even see beyond the miles now we walked through hell and just as many walk through that door.

Is it malice we take are bitterness sharing with every one night stand .
Junkies are all the same with far better titles 

Alleys of emptiness and rooms cast in shadow will the night corrupt us all turning the meek into rats .

Afraid we no longer recognize are reflection hidden in coffins and that early graves promise .

Can you take me with my burden or simply say ******* goodbye?

We all fall down sometimes and others simply prefer to crash and burn.
One more round turns to seven more years the trap was set and you simply put your hand within the fire .

We are all over-sized children playing a fatal game~

Ego was stripped from skin
in layers until the trail of tears
was no longer visible to the blind
eye

Monks chant in the distance
as souls dance to the melancholy;
strength of the limb is tested
...wearing Sunday's best

Frayed rope is placed on ivory
rough against the delicate truth
only to be choked before it could be heard

Lover be ******; pained eyes meet
the noose being tightened by hands
that once cupped the breast of the Mother
...betrayal found in man's milk

Foundation is kicked away in one swift
motion; crushing the pathway of life
swaying with eyes wide open

Ego killed the delicate that day
a day of broken promises; dreams
forever became a lie, the lie truth

Delicate is still here in the shadows
swaying between trees in an eternal
dance in Sunday's dress
...waiting for the neck to fully break

Haunting Ego's chance~

Daydreaming with eyes closed
hearts open with my dear friend
dreamers we are

Emotions drift inside moments
of silence that scream with power
Like where the rainbow reaches
the earth for the first time
or when a fallen star evaporates
in the span of one breath
It's like the moment I kissed him
for the first time
the warmth on my lips with tender
touch...tasting the words as they
enter and I swallowed them down

What is it you dream of Flower?

beautiful peaceful day we share
throwing pennies in a wishing well
giggling as sacred friends do
as we both lay feeling the sun
kissing our glowing happy smiles
each reminiscing of that first "Hello!"
that first shared kiss
from souls we luv above any other
wishing together upon bright purple stars
and double glistening rainbows
my mind drifts as I listen
to your whispered voice so in luv
beautiful words I witness
of a true sacred luv shared
felt my heart drip a tear
as I felt a hug cross the ocean
knowing my own dream has truly come true
Sweet Lily....
blessed we are to be so luved
thank you for sharing a lovely day with me

In honor of the ones we love

~Together we exhaust each other’s senses
feeding off carnal needs and desires
made sinful by frigid disasters

~Time has nothing on two who have
suffered from a cruel separation
due to fear of crucifixion

~Your taste lingers inside my mouth
while the memory of feeling the beat
of your heart surge through your staff

~Selfish am I too have kissed your entire
body just to inhale every intense release
of your body's purging taste on my buds

~Still it was you
you finally getting what you wanted
you taking those black lace *******
in your hand and ripping them down
while plunging deep inside the heaven
you came to over and over in dreams

~Spent you and I
Exhausted but never over
Our imprint is inside us both

~Tell that to our haters....

Stepping back away from the crazy only to see how raw the leftovers are.
Remnants of humans in daily decay fly away with each gust of wind which seems to be the breath of humanity as of late.

To much hate and ******* with one way thinking is taking the place of the heart and compassion.
You see... I can't tolerate the self righteous.  "My mind, my thoughts, my way is the only right way...you are all fools".  And I stand here shaking my head calling *******.

I use to escape to writing until I saw the manifestation of ugly move in.  No getting lost in love and simple thoughts when the whole world is aching...struggling and fighting to be.  

I'm sick of watching friends deny true real life friends for online misfits and the ******* that comes with them.  You know, the guy who can't share his phone number because he's married but his wife is a cow and doesn't fulfill him.?  The woman who lays in bed next to her husband virtually, verbally ******* this complete stranger.

Babies though are still having babies because during all of this everyone is still able to ***** anyone but just cant hug or shake a hand... So then I get to see the babies beating babies, baby daddies beating mommies and boom then lets get a dog and add to that mix.
****...I can't take ya'll.  I got my own mirror to look in and that alone is scary as hell.  

We ******* up again this time around on Earth.  We couldn't make it work...and now the only future highlight is Armageddon...

Sorry if this is a buzz **** but life and our reaction to it is just that...

From the turning point on~  John Patrick Robbins

It's like a season and so must they all pass.

We tie ourselves down with burdens best left with another then somehow placed upon you.

None of it is easy or becomes less in time, our shoulders slouch, the smiles fade

and we hide our pain inside the next drink or popping of some pills.

There's a reality here though, nothing can make numb feel better or take away the ache that takes up residence through our pain.

Life has a stench to it that makes me wonder if we are all walking the dead road of hell.

But in spite of the situation I would probably light cigarette and laugh just the same.

A switch blade nature and less concern for you than others serves us well at times it seems.

I wonder can you view anything flawed as long as I, and not take some of that burden upon yourself.

Age doesn't teach **** it merely exposes the flaws.

Mine are many now what about yours?

Ironic isn’t it, how far stretched some of our answers will be.

Extracting truth can feel like an aborted spinal tap

then the grin…as I strike the match against the calloused heart and inhale deep…just to feel the burn and lie like I always do.

When the tender reappears
after years of scorching pain
a peaceful calm fills the air

I surrendered to the fire
Once…just once
now the scars are being kissed by fate
A fate full of sweet offerings

Standing here now in the delicate
there is only grace flowing through
these veins
…love born from the divine

You don’t need to love me in
my simplicity
Because I do.

Consequential damage accumulated within multiple sorrows has that eternal clock left with permafrost, binding the impactful moments to each cell.

Confusion sets in as the soul screams for redemption, wanting to be free of the “sins” of the masses, including the mass within.

Staying in vigil of my own essence, my own love, each step takes me further into the abyss.

Falling upon broken knees,  broken from years of repent, tears fall as the body quakes in release.

Again, a journey into the dark night of the soul.  A space where a stamp on the frequent flyer card would be nice for a bonus ascension.

Rising within the etheric realm, shedding the mud and negativity is the goal.

Why isn’t it mainstream to want to rise above?

This space, this damnable space is ours alone to navigate.  No pill fixes it, no substance numbs it.

It’s that journey we signed up for which is ironic.  So the basic message?

Stay in your own lane, rise and shine, **** or get off the ***, rot and die.

Impregnable choice isn’t it?

Ironically it’s on us…cheers.

The smell of your cigarette still lingers;
Note to self: Open the window...

The things you wrote to me;
Note to self: Delete...

The blame you cast upon me;
Note to self: ******* let it go...

I don't care anymore... this heart is closed.
Note to self: No Vacancy...

---------------------------------------
"Closed for the winter season.

Will re-open in Spring."
---------------------------------------

"Hello, hello...is this Hotel Heart?
Could I talk to the proprietress,
Lily Mae?

I'd like to make a reservation for 2 weeks in April;
a double room with hot shower, double bed,
and personal room service.

Any vacancies for that time?"

"Hello...you've reached Hotel Heart.
We're currently closed,
but will be re-opened in the early Spring;

please leave me your contact information,
and I'll get back with you
as soon as the reconstruction is finished.

Thank you for calling
and have a great day."

There's an unexplained need in me to see you bleed
maybe it would cast out the demons you left inside me.

But there you are living your dream
while I cast shadows on the walls.

Finger puppet me one more time
so something feels real.

Or not...I'll just keep dancing with
the shadows on the wall.

Can you pass me a pill and a cigarette please?

In the silence of it All~ (Flowergirl and Lily Mae)
Poem Image
Flower, sometimes when I stare up into the clouds
I feel such a part of something divine
like there is an energy that passes through me
from all times and I feel so loved

Yet…here we are you and I
cupping our hearts in our hands
while sending unconditional love out
to the ones we love and I wonder..

Flower do they feel it?

~*~

Close your eyes Sweet Lily and you will know

Connect with the passion burning inside you
that he alone has brought luvingly to your soul
feel the vibration of the universe as thoughts intertwine
among the orange streaks across the sky

The blackened night brings favor for you and I
for in the silence is where our thoughts collide
when everything around them stops and is still
that's when they truly feel us

That's when they close their eyes.....and they know too

Deliberately and in a most advanced way I want you
to fill the void with a hard grand slam.
Are you getting this?

Red lips slightly open with blue eyes that you could dive into
I breathe...
The heat escapes, landing on your lips
Do you feel me?  Really, because my body
is reacting to your essence, your breath, heat, and
the immense *******...you know what I mean

There's a high in diving deep into my waters
and a low when you deny me
You see, I'm ready to receive the fire, the *******
of your words on flesh...

Engorged with a desire to feel the pumping blood
of my vessel against you.

Do you feel me?  

You know how I like it, and where...just say yes

Why is it all I want
I simply can't have

Dandelions in her hair
mists of Avalon dance
within her soul

And for in this moment
this one moment
she believed in love one more time

When all that once felt natural fades into black
it's time to shed the cloak of the forgotten
changing back into the pristine
...only to find obsidian mist and a lost soul there

Shame raised her head to seek

Only to find the forbidden gone
absent from all that once was
there was no choice but to fall
asleep in the opaque web they weaved

Sun kisses the moon good night

She walks thru unknown emotions
visions of a dark misty forest
her heart turns stone cold
each memory offering no solace

Seeking once more who she once was

Fighting to be anything to anyone
graceful love so true now bitter
chasing colorless rainbows of fake promises
trying to forget he thought of her as nothing

Time to shed the cloak of dying.....

Waking from a dream to the empty

An accidental whisper moved through
a soul thought to have been sealed; stone cold.

Yet there it was, alive with a warmth that
engaged; reawakening so many memories.

Laughter was born in those moments with a
gentle grace and ease; while fires burned in whispers.

A heart forever drifting in a space in time when
love existed in the purest form.

Forever grateful to feel that whisper move in,
making the heart of grace beat just one more time.

When someone starts the "I love you's" (and you cringe)
knowing your friendship just ended by the words that just departed their lips.

I don't want you to love me.  I wanted to be a friend.  You don't know  how to do either.  

Sorry I don't want the spice of life you offer.  I'm swimming in my own **** actually.  But thank you for the advance warning that you **** and are totally gloom and doom.  

The habit isn't so far off after all is it?  Safer, kinder and just slightly twisted.

Not knotted up in ball binds and finger *******.  

Good on you....Good on you.

You'd rather remember the women of the past
the ones with eyes like emeralds and souls like ****

Right here...right now their is a blue eyed woman
getting who you are in body, mind and soul

And nothing

Fate has stopped  an hour glass of tears  
...Suspending grace
  
How could you ever let this go this far?  
  
Void of...my soul, life, love, and heart
are echoing against the walls of emptiness
  
If all of who I am is less than what you wanted
you could've of said so
...then walked away
  
Yet you stayed...softly kissing luscious lips
making intimate love for hours  
filling me with blessed hope  
...sharing whispered dreams of
stars and sunshine  
  
Midnight nightmares are all you left  
while you go on living
…and I go on dying
  
Remember this when you are holding her~


Thank you to Flowergirl for providing the space
the words and heart.  I love writing with you..xo

My wet warm tongue
Wants to tango with your desire

The Queen and Princess Treacle
were sitting in the bath
The Queen let off a raspberry
while Princess Treacle laughed

The Princess dropped a hot one
the bubbles like perfume...
the Queen was quite disgusted
and stormed out of the room...

Treacle was quite perplexed
so laughed a little more
'til Queenie shouted oh so loud;
' You filthy royal ***** '

Treacle released a sinister laugh
a ***** she might be...
Yet Philip didn't seem to mind
removing her dungerees

he done her in the palace gardens
late one summer's night
Treacle was but a young lesbian
but he sorted her out alright

As Treacle's secret garden doors were
opened, under the light of the moon...
Queenie did bellow for her corgis
searching from room to room...

but all she found was Philip
shafting Treacle on the lawn
so they had a royal *******
then watched some German ****

Is the reflection you see
what you wish it to be?

Aren't we all reflections
of each other?

Do we "see" and "hear"
whats being said to us
by the one calling out
our names?

Will we hear ourselves
calling out our own names?

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall...
Mirror, Mirror, within us all...
Mirror, Mirror, upon you I call...

Reflections of you and I
Reflections of the universe
all lie within our mirrored
hearts...

Can you hear me?

Do you see me?

_____

If my ears dont hear you
If my eyes don't see
I will hold onto the feeling
and as I radiate it into the universe
it will be mirrored all over the world

As I reflect myself
I also reflect you
perfect vibrations
In a world we could
make so perfect

If we only gave a ****

There is a constant that runs through my soul
better and clearer than any other dream.

The river; she harbors my wants and desires within
her constant ever-changing being.

Release of all the unhealthy ties that have kept me
bound wash away into the depths, twist and turns
setting me free.

All freedom has a cost.  I have paid the price like so many.
Now here on rivers edge in the light of the sun I erase the debt
and feel the hope, joy and love like never before.

Here in this place, I don't beg, borrow or fear.  Here in love,
I receive for the very first time...my joy filled time~eternal.



© 2019 Lily Mae

Long ago as young girls we would dream of that one love
that would take our breath away
...meeting them under brightened stars on a moonlit night with
a whisper of a breeze caressing our skin

Time faded those dreams as first loves stole our  
hearts with warm wet kisses
...life teased us during those days while our bodies awakened
to the passion of both the body and mind

time became still...it hurt to breathe  

Watching a heart shaped hourglass bleeding life
while the only sound in midnight silence were those of dripping tears  
leaking thru cracks of our souls believing in empty intentions
...shadowed memories become visions of confusion in the darkened night  

Until the sunset of the last day our child like hearts will ache  
from the constant pain of unknowing
Was any of it real?  Did any of mean anything?
...The last tear has fallen from the hourglass  
the silence answers our fears in a resounding no

Your thoughts
my soul...two magnets
playing a game of give and take

My thoughts
your soul...two crowns of thorns
bleeding drops of rain

Cornered...tortured

Mysteries unfold
time stands still
breath stops...heart skips

I'd rather wear the crown of thorns
then never to have known
the moments of bliss that unfold
in the torturous corners of our minds

Twisted pleasures
in body, mind and spirit...



© 2019 Lily Mae

Who am I?  In comparison to this young woman with three children and a newly diagnosed brain tumor why her?  Beautiful and young with purpose.
I'm old.  I've abused myself and have allowed others to follow.  The wrinkles on my face aren't Mother natures gift of time.   It's a badge of trauma from an unworthy life.
So why am I here and why is she being tested?
Life is unbalanced...so unfair.  All I could do is place my hands on her crown and breathe the healing into the places of "dis"ease.
All I could do is hold her soul and lift her up with spirit.  All I could do is love her from this place of knowing about brokenness.
All I did was wipe her tears away and love her.
Why her God...and why me?

Something sinister was brewing
chimes made of bones were casting spells.

Cloth dolls with x'd out eyes reminded me
of all of you.

And oh...oh how you burned in the fire
while I just drank a beer with a content *******
in my heart.

God I love summer...

And remember when
life was so different
time didn’t seem to matter
luv wasn’t so invisible

Instead the moments
shared created a fire
that seared our skin
ravishing our senses

Hearts poured out
emotions of luv
felt so divinely
as we danced to thunder

It all felt like perfection until we fell
bruised knees with muddied hands
betrayed by joy our hearts
screamed for mercy

Surrendering sorrowful tears
hidden by pouring rain
lifting cries to heaven above
pleading for our souls to heal

and here it ends with tears streaming down the faces of love~

with memories forever making us laugh or cry~

There is this memory of you and I...a time when all we did was graced...all that was said was gold and all we felt was the blood of the earth and the sky pumping through our veins
... Simply meant to be  
  
Now the lines are blurred like the ripples in the water.  I can't see clearly anymore I can't see the defined lines.   I don't know the rules and I'm tired.   I want to know your love and I wish that you could want it as much as I do
But the blood of the earth ran dry and the sky is covered in grey.  
... simple rantings of the forlorn  
  
Time has stolen the youth on my face. It is taken away moments that can't be recaptured. They say hope will heal that.   I'd like to believe that hope still existed, that there is a higher purpose to be found in these moments of solitude and void. I want to believe... so very bad .
...simply my belief lands on you  
  
Sadness is irrrelevant here. The madness of letting go of the wants and needs of the mind and the heart... leaves me in shallow water  wandering constantly.  It's the memories and dreams that  make me sad. Thats what takes me into that dark night of the soul where I question everything.  
... simple renderings  
  
Ankle deep in shallow water... blurred, ripples with each  movement...  I doubt if I could drown here even though they say it only takes a teaspoon of water.  
Where I feel my air getting cut off from my body is in the moments when I think of our future...the one we can't have because it's been blocked by fear.
How foolish can two people be to let go of those kind of dreams? Maybe we're just the kind of people that like to feel pain, that like to drown in sadness while pretending...that we're all ok.
...simply it's not ok
  
So today we turn another blank page...while the pen has run dry. The words of all been spoken... so the heart and the voice have fallen asleep...shh

Tonight as I watched the flame of the candle
I felt for a moment, just one moment
that my breath had become yours
my mind went silent...
as I, whispered you to me

Go ahead
make sure they all hate me
make sure they all believe your lies
and knee deep *******.

I've got the truth
and you have nothing
absolutely nothing.