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I found myself stuttering yesterday...
clumsily tripping, fumbling,
over words.
The explanation of my whereabouts -
in question.
Like a guilty child.

Awareness then anger emerge.
irritated, indignant hostility.
That I would allow this again -
over and over and over again…

Trying to account for every moment beneath suspicious eyes. Groundless guilt rising up, as I choke, words broke and unspoke

- while the little voice in my head screams "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!"
conditioned (kənˈdɪʃənd)  adj
1. (Psychology) psychol of or denoting a response that has been learned. Compare unconditioned
2. (foll by to) accustomed; inured; prepared by training

un·con·di·tioned (ŭn′kən-dĭsh′ənd)  adj
1. (Psychology) psychol characterizing an innate reflex and the stimulus and response that form parts of it. Compare conditioned1
2. (Philosophy) metaphysics unrestricted by conditions; infinite; absolute
3. without limitations; unconditional
I miss you
The cuddles
The kisses
having someone who cared for me
I wish I could cuddle with you again
Just hold you, or lie in bed together
I know you need it now
Just like I did then
So come darling
Leave your troubles behind and embrace me
I remember when I first met him,
he made me smile when the clouds were grey.
He didn't leave when I yelled and yelled.
He had made the decision to stay.
All the other boys had left me,
but he said he believed that I
was the one he wanted to be there for
on days where I'd only cry.
He was always there to listen
when all I did was complain and rant.
The other boys were snowflakes,
but I swear he was an avalanche.

His love continued to consumed me,
and I felt frozen in my place.
His eyes were as bright as stars
if not brighter than the ones in space.
He held my hand tightly,
lacing his fingers perfectly between mine.
He would say, "Tell me what's wrong."
no matter how many times I replied with "I'm fine."
I remember when he whispered he loved me
and immediately after, he kissed my skin.
He told me I made him happy
and I realized I'm only happy when I'm with him.
The other boys are snowflakes;
there wasn't much to be proud of,
but I swear he was an avalanche
and I continued to sink deeper in his love.
Read this carefully to Arctic - Sleeping At Last,
you will not regret it.
You just try and stop me from loving  you, I dare you.
Im starting to write less and less
and Its scaring me
because I either have no sufferings to write about
or Its all become to much
which one?
how will I know?
whats wrong with my head
Its all twisted up inside
knotted guts struggling to chew through knowledge
am I maturing?
or am I finally turning to dust
I'm sorry if I'm not so sweet to hold,
its difficult when you slip through gaps
like the ones in your fingers
and the holes in your heart
I am terrified,
beyond all exemption
lost my bones
there shall be no redemption
I've favored a ghost
and lost all that was me
and now I fade
so effortlessly
I tried too hard
to be what was right
and now I loose myself
to the blade of a *knife
and in another universe,
you and I are still together.
In physics there's a theory on multiverses and it states that there could be an infinite number of universes that are similar to ours, which is beautiful to think about.
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