stress, stress, stress
exhausted and depressed
grey hairs popping up like weeds
not knowing where this path leads.
breaking out, breaking down
my mind is spinning round and round
hiding the bags underneath my eyes
and doing work that I despise.
crying, crying, crying
if I say that I'm okay, I'm lying
with hot tears streaming down my face
I feel myself falling behind in this race.
dying, dying, dying
my condition worsens with time
and with my immune system failing,
I head to bed with a sigh.

but I always manage to smile.

overcome with weakness and nausea,
I limp to my bed.
I rest my tired eyes,
and pray to god I wake up dead.
and light doesn't shine on any of my days
as I make my way through this foggy haze,
I try to look on the bright side of life
but all has been shadowed by clouds.
I didn't choose this life,
nobody did.
we were not told how hard it would get,
though I was just a kid.
I asked my mom why granny died,
why she gave up when pappy was gone.
and my mom gave me a very tight hug
and said that she just could not go on.
that's when I learned we could control our death
and god knows I tried a few times.
I was so tired of regret
I was so tired of goodbyes.
but here I am, to this day,
dragging my feet through life
but trust me, friend, this is better
than picking up that knife.

Just tips of icebergs
In the hazy mist
Could seem as though
They were harmless
But we all knew,
Deep in our hearts,
There was more to it.
Because when seasons change
And our hearts turn sour
There's always reason for pain
Always an exposed nail in the board
To take all of the blame.
Because our eyes deceive us
And we believe others can change
But there's a reason why
We cringe and shake our heads
When we hear their names.
Because we're only human
And though we wish they weren't,
Things will always be difficult
And we'll always have icebergs.

How my skin remains cold, I do not know.
My dry, cracked hands reach for yours,
But my reach is not met with warmth,
Merely a gust of bad memories.
My crinkling lungs only release dust
And my tired eyes haven't seen light in days
But I remain, still,
Reaching for your hand.
And with tears running down my cheeks,
Accompanied by a hopeful smile,
I pretend your gaze would meet mine
If I could simply open my eyes.
If I would simply come back to life.

I'd rather drown a hundred times than let my heart go free
Because I can't hear your horrid voice at the bottom of the sea
And you've ruined every chance of love
So I pulled when I was supposed to shove

You don't know how it feels to love so blindly
All trust enveloped into another soul
Only to have them crush your hopes and dreams with one fatal blow  
Breaking down, slowly
I decay with the rest
A dusty box of your old shirts
I could barely bring myself to collect
But I'm the one crying myself dry
I'm the one fighting to keep myself alive
I didn't sleep, I couldn't eat,
Not a single soul could help me.
I can't trust others
I barely trust myself
So at the end of the day
It's me, myself, and nobody else.