Why wait in darkness and stillness I thought
When my mind is a garden waiting to see the thoughts that complot
As I stare into the void of colorless nothing
My mind is filled with gore vigor and cunning

Such purity flushed so swiftly into this abyss
Known not what horrible plots are amiss
I know that my thoughts can ****
So I tame my demons, hold my breath and sit still

My head is broken down; thoughts like a disease
Know not if I will survive to tell you this with ease
My mentality is everything but complete
The demons the haunt my mind are truly elite

My time is short and so ends my wait
This clock is dead and now approaches my fate
Shall I meet another come time to traverse
The answer lies within the poetic deadly verse

Now I know my purpose, my role
I must find within me the life that I stole
My demons rage on in this boxed crate
For I am the one who is stuck in the wait.

**** me softly stab me in the eye
whisper in my ear with a lie that I will not die
We had our differences and I will not lie
but when you left my life all I could do is cry

**** me softly stab me in the wrist
when we fought it was never with our fist
I know when I write poetry it is you I missed
but I realize that as a friend I am no longer on that list

**** me softly stab me in the heart
when we parted ways it thrashed me; tore me apart
you are a muse, a frail flower a true work of art
when I see you, a fight is the last thing that I want

**** me softly stab me in the head
you see my feelings poured out on the page as I bled
all I want is a new start, some traction with this tread
but if I were to go to war would you still cry if I were dead?

Help me be the soldier they need me to be
Help me be the soldier they expect me to be
Need not speak the words of the creed
But rather live under them subconsciously
Knowledge is power but not in greed
Let me see the light in thee
How can my mind be so clear yet so twisted
Mildew with the battle cries of the  missed enlisted.

**** the enemy but don't ask why
Know your values and watch the bullets fly
This is my Soldier side
And in my life I carry this burden till I die.

Painful
Morning
Tomorrow's
Brilliant
Disaster

If only "sorry" where more than just letters.

My words are ignorant and invalid
Such as my life I flee from my self
I weep and cry but I know that I
Can never forgive my self
For that pain I have brought
Like snow fall cold and plentyful.

I feel the Emptyness surround me
Gripping me in inevitable beauty;
Sinking it's claws into me
And I ask why as I cry in symphony

I cry for now I see the light
I pry to free from the painful clutch
See the ink flow from your spite
Know that this happens to all you touch

Be free and fly like the wounded bird
You will struggle but you shall fly
This is not the first but the third
And fail me is all you do when you try

A puddle of time left in place;
Time left for you... and I
And we shall explore this new space
For all I do is try

You're most alive
When you're so close to death
Shut your mouth
Feel the warm on your chest
Close your eyes
Blood runs down your wrist
Can you list the rest

In the darkness of night
The walls come to life
Whispering secrets in your ear
Saying nothing will be alright
As the demons close in
You'll have nothing to give,
A life lived so close to death

My tears aren't of pain
I have nothing to gain
I just have to keep my demons tame
It's hard to do when you're insane

I cry from my shadows point of view
Hoping my life will reach a breakthrough  
Thoughts flow through my head like a typhoon
If I am to die it will be to soon

How many trials must I endure
To take the test is to be sure
My heart is everything but pure
I will fight; it is my turn

Have you tried suicide, it is quite nice
For if you fail your life will not suffice
The gate keeper is the one you must entice
While you take the chance and roll the dice

I may not post poetry all
The time, but when I do
it's from the heart and I stop my fall
I hope I make you feel the same too

    I will not live forever
this fact I have accepted
but my words do not endever
my fears aren't of death but loss protected

    My faith is not questioned
My trust is un-shooken
pain I have sustained is not treated
the wounds gape and are unforgiven

   In pain I seek salvation
But I dare not ask for I fear
not of death but to find a solution
the solution to depression and Find
                         *THE CURE

I hate this feeling
But time and time again
This feeling is everything but appealing
I reach for a blade but what have I to gain

I feel sick; knotted stomach
For my demons are feeding
I try to think but my head it aches
I feel my emotions building; breeding

I hate this feeling
But this cage I wait
Ever so patiently waiting
for my demons to escape

*I whisper "Not again"

Shall we forget our origin
Or will we just stand in time
Will time truly answer our prayers
But waiting is a crime

Must we dwell on what can not be found
We must learn to forgive
But how can we forgive with hate
Are you willing to give

Will we fall searching for the clue
Or shall we succeed
We shall be aided if not by death
Then by the *hands of greed

Why do we dwell on the past
When life is full of contrast
Do we find peace in pain
Or do we just sit and remain

If we simply forget
Will we feel triumphant
I feel that memory is key
But yet you do not truly see

What burns inside
And tears the new divide
Or do you find comfort in what you confide
I do not care what you did to me...

Because you are just a *beautiful memory