back and better than ever
so distant and numb
completely frozen in an never ending hell
a different speed
walking alone in a blur
able to survive the ingrained routine
but by night
that's when it creeps up on you
that unbearable pain in your chest
sobbing completely alone
wanting to give up more than ever
unable to care about the promised better future
stuck in only know
thinking it will never change
a prisoner of irrationality
lost in how it makes you feel
it told me there's no way out but to leave
it wasn't me
it changed me
took over me
it didn't let me write
only know as it has been weakened

haunted by things that could of been
or are they things that should of been
i guess if they were they would of been
my lack of commitment seems like a sin
when everyone around me is happy
they have someone to be with
they have someone to kiss
when i have nothing but people i miss
all the ones i  really cared about
i forced myself to live without
to me it seems beautiful some how
thinking bout that girl from the past
but i went for another girl
becuase i knew it wouldnt last
now it seem like time is passing by too fast
and im losing the chances that i thougt i would always have with the women i thought would never leave
but they all do
what reason would they wait for me
they dont know how i feel
and they dont know how i am
i didnt let them in
because they were already too close
and thats when we hadnt even kissed yet
its like when you texted me
but i took ten minutes to reply
because im not sure exactly what to say
maybe i should have said
i want you
and i want you to stay

As she moved it was poetry in motion
A product of her chaos and inner commotion
Graceful yet destructive as she leapt through the air
Through her movements her mind was laid bare

Yet those tears still fell softly down her face
Embracing the tears, she picked up her pace
Moving through the motions her mind starts to clear
Releasing her emotions a smile starts to appear

The music ends, she falls to the floor
The turmoil is back.........forever more

One of those days where everything is too much
you feel the weight of everyone's expression
words and emotions drag you down
suffocating your fight
every sentence slowly drains you
every light is too bright
noise piercing your every cell to the core
the sky begins to fall on you
gravity against you
your body is dragged down
the pressure is too much to bare
the world weighing down your mind
your mind weighing down the world
the ache for silence
the need to be alone
the anchor of life's energy attached to you
the demand of everything needing to be felt
the prison of forced empathy
one of those days where you feel everything

I fear living for someone
centring someone in my universe
I fear not not wanting to be alone
constant noise in my silence
I fear wasting my time on someone
putting my life on hold for them to leave
I fear a lifetime of small talk
being a product of their routines and races
I fear not finding belonging
not being in control
I fear the prison of my mind
never finding the person I don't fear with
I fear not being special in the insignificance
never being not afraid to be vulnerable
I fear only existing

It's all a haze
a frustrating haze
feeling too much
thinking so deeply
I see the outside life
the routine
the race
a bystander watching
the life we're all abosrbed into
I can't explain
I can't put into words
It's too big
too complex for the limit of our vocabulary
I'm left here in a haze
looking for the words
truth will never just be there
hidden
behind the focus we are taught to see
I'm trying to see
It's all a haze