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  Apr 14 T J W
i feel like i’m made of glass
and last february,
you broke me.
i shattered.

you didn’t know
and you didn’t care
and you just. kept. pushing.

i broke into a million jagged pieces
and you
you took some of them with you.
i can’t get them back
and i’m not stupid enough to try.

you shattered me
and i was careless enough
to cut myself in the wreckage.

nothing was the same.

you broke me when i said no
and i thought
i could put myself back together
by saying yes--
again, and again, and again.
to strangers.
to friends.
to anyone who would listen,
and now all of my bridges are in flames
and i’m getting burned.

do you know what happens to burning glass?
i do.
it’s happening to me

and i’m starting to fly away in the wind,
slipping through my own fingers
like sand on the beach.
scattered so far
and so wide
that finding my way back together is like searching
for a single grain
on the ocean floor.

i'm drowning in my past
for a lifeline
reaching for anything--
for anyone--
that will take me
that will tape me back together
  Mar 21 T J W
I'm not afraid of commitment.
I'm afraid of giving up control.
Of letting another person in.
Who can just walk back out.
T J W Dec 2018
back and better than ever
so distant and numb
completely frozen in an never ending hell
a different speed
walking alone in a blur
able to survive the ingrained routine
but by night
that's when it creeps up on you
that unbearable pain in your chest
sobbing completely alone
wanting to give up more than ever
unable to care about the promised better future
stuck in only know
thinking it will never change
a prisoner of irrationality
lost in how it makes you feel
it told me there's no way out but to leave
it wasn't me
it changed me
took over me
it didn't let me write
only know as it has been weakened
  Nov 2018 T J W
Derek Wings
haunted by things that could of been
or are they things that should of been
i guess if they were they would of been
my lack of commitment seems like a sin
when everyone around me is happy
they have someone to be with
they have someone to kiss
when i have nothing but people i miss
all the ones i  really cared about
i forced myself to live without
to me it seems beautiful some how
thinking bout that girl from the past
but i went for another girl
becuase i knew it wouldnt last
now it seem like time is passing by too fast
and im losing the chances that i thougt i would always have with the women i thought would never leave
but they all do
what reason would they wait for me
they dont know how i feel
and they dont know how i am
i didnt let them in
because they were already too close
and thats when we hadnt even kissed yet
its like when you texted me
but i took ten minutes to reply
because im not sure exactly what to say
maybe i should have said
i want you
and i want you to stay
  Nov 2018 T J W
As she moved it was poetry in motion
A product of her chaos and inner commotion
Graceful yet destructive as she leapt through the air
Through her movements her mind was laid bare

Yet those tears still fell softly down her face
Embracing the tears, she picked up her pace
Moving through the motions her mind starts to clear
Releasing her emotions a smile starts to appear

The music ends, she falls to the floor
The turmoil is back.........forever more
T J W Nov 2018
One of those days where everything is too much
you feel the weight of everyone's expression
words and emotions drag you down
suffocating your fight
every sentence slowly drains you
every light is too bright
noise piercing your every cell to the core
the sky begins to fall on you
gravity against you
your body is dragged down
the pressure is too much to bare
the world weighing down your mind
your mind weighing down the world
the ache for silence
the need to be alone
the anchor of life's energy attached to you
the demand of everything needing to be felt
the prison of forced empathy
one of those days where you feel everything
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