if you want a true lesson
in disappointment
move to a small town
and watch the power go out.

this like many things
is nothing like the movies.

you say “let’s go for a drive, put the top down”
and i do and i drive
and you tell me to slow down
that i’m doing it wrong
and that sounds like a perfect example
of who we are now.
i gotta stop thinking it will be like
the other times before
things fell apart.
it hurts me more than it hurts you
and i know it hurts you more than anything.

Since I was seven,
I had questions swarming through my head like bees.
Sometimes, I'd let a bee fly out if I was feeling strong that day,
But many kept quiet in the corners of my mind,
Stinging my neurons,
Creating a sticky mess of mysteries.
And for almost ten years, I thought that maybe if I could let them all go,
Then my head could heal,
And then I'd be at peace —
Because when they're loud—
They're buzzing,
And emphatic—
So, mind me while I ask these questions, so I can sleep tonight:
- So, is water really wet?
- Why is that when people see someone fail, they instantly fill with relief?
- Wasn’t the world supposed to end six years ago?
- Why do I grow so much?
- Is being called a 'walking tree' okay?
- Are any of us really okay?
- So, when I was younger, I was told to grow up, but now that I have, why am I told that act too grown?
- Is it okay to miss someone who's not worth the space of missing? Or the longing?
- Can bones get wet? Or are they already wet?
- So, when they say that our people are free, why are we not?
- When they say that segregation is over, why am I still put at the end of the line?
- Has anyone thought about their bones not being bones, but ash instead? (I did)
- Is it just me, or does it seem like my people have to work three times as hard just to reach equality with the superior?
- So why is it so easy to not talk, and keep my lasting breath in my chest, rather than to waste it on ears who won't give my words a listen?
- Why are we still at the bottom after we built this world with our callused hands?
- So, if they tell us that we were built to fall apart, is that why my seams are splitting?
- I thought you said the old people die first?
- How is it so easy for parents to leave and not come back?
- In a world full of opposition, why is my mind on their side and not mine?
- I thought you said she would come back this time?

i don't have enough ram
to process all the ****
i hear sometimes.

i could yell
every secret ive ever heard
from the top
of the cn tower.
and the cars
would keep driving,
id still be afraid of heights,
and she probably
wouldn't care for me
anymore than she already
didn't.

well what's the fun in that then