Katrina Kennedy: Favorites

Sep 2019 Katrina Kennedy

last night

Sep 2019 Katrina Kennedy

ATL

I wanted to learn

so last night my fourth grade teacher
tore my eyelids off

and sat me near a television screen
that showed my mother dying
over and over
and over again.

I left as a cavity
of a boy,

collapsing at the sound of passing cars

as I searched for a payphone where
I could speak to the static about Gabriel.

(where is he?)

When I look at my brother and father

I beg for my eyes to be caressed until they’re scarred

with every daytime matinee
and curtsy on the train platform

that built me into this mosaic
of a “man”.

deeply personal. would appreciate kind words and condolences. my mother is alive but a part of me has died.

Mar 2019 Katrina Kennedy

Poor On Earth

Mar 2019 Katrina Kennedy

goddessofdivinity

Poor On Earth

I would rather be poor on Earth and rich in heavens of divine,
like the beggars on the streets,
I hide my spirit in the realms of time,
far away from the evil eye of the world.

#poor #earth #rich #heaven #beggar #time #spirit #evil #world

Jan 2019 Katrina Kennedy

Writing Suicide Notes In Gel Pen

Jan 2019 Katrina Kennedy

krm

Writing Suicide Notes In Gel Pen

Clothes have outgrown me many times over,
but this sadness never does.
One size.
fits all.
There should have been an obituary for cancer, not you.
Wishing these slits within my skin could have been
replaced by a reality check from you, “You chose to exist.”

My name causes a sigh to escape from lips,
that do not feel like they belong to me,
the girl,
whose words always had to be special.

The schematics of hospitals like a birthmark in my brain,
born into sadness, a gut feeling as a child.
Never trusting time
due to what it delivers.

Death, being the only thing I desired.
But you,
who I love,
endlessly-
robbed by it.
Whose ebb for life glowed so feverishly.
Stopped comparing depression to lace,
restricted the belief that suicide is poetic,
seeing things as they were.
More often than not, applauded for feeling emotions deeply.
Every second that dies, the shift of my heart quakes.

This world is not tender.

II. Sad.
I have known the flowers I wanted at my own premature funeral,
knowing how many bouquets honored you that day.

split open my veins like a dimension
reminiscent of days where I anticipated deathbeds.

My family wondered,
can we make it through another day?
Death scares me for what it has taken,
yet, I’m not afraid to die-
it’s all I deserve.
So I await the day pain erupts
from my throat,
acknowledging the days a soul
lived inside of my body-
footprints that walked,
belonging to me.

But I learned so well.
How to suffer with a smile,
dreading the beating of my heart
how unfair—
I don’t want to take these deep breaths
You deserved,while I masquerade as a member of the undead
Never outgrowing the desire to rot with the phantoms residing under my bed.

III. Jokes played by the universe.
punchlines delivered,
how could anyone to stand to be in the same room as myself?
How could anyone look over skyscrapers and sunsets,
and not be infatuated with concrete consuming them?
How I shared a sigh of relief during the thought-
of knowing people would thrive without me,
or the power of a belly laugh,
resembling a laugh track audience
drowning out 3 AM suicidal thoughts.

I wrote this in pink gel pen, maybe, that’s another joke.

#ramblingssadlonelydepressedidk #pain #sadnsss

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

sometimes that’s all you need

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

Emily

sometimes that’s all you need

why do you like him?
he asked
he inspires me
she answered
simple as that.

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

i'm sorry. i thought i was done writing about you

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

Janelle Tanguin

i'm sorry. i thought i was done writing about you

i.

I intentionally failed to wish you
a happy birthday this year,
though I know significant dates,
hours, moments, people,
by heart.
I still search for you in boys
I mistake for bandages,
the ones with eyes almost
the same shade of your hazels,
lips resounding your laughter,
resembling a wisp of your smile,
But they aren't you.

ii.

Sometimes I pretend you're dead,
because it's less painful
to stop reaching out into voids.

iii.

My mom still blames you
for everything that preceded that year.
Though you probably had no idea what happened
when we stopped talking altogether.
Can you believe it's almost been three years?

iv.

My dad wonders who was my 'one that got away'
Though, I'm pretty sure he knows
it's you.

v.

Remember how I mentioned Sylvia Plath?
How most everything she wrote
brimmed with melancholy?
How I loved every single word?
Especially that piece
where she talked about expectations
and disappointments.
You'll never know that
up to this day I still think
people are selfish enough to
always, eventually turn into the latter.
Even you.

vi.

It's sad I never got the chance
to tell you about Ted.
How she loved him so much,
she just had to dive headfirst
into the flames-- burning herself,
what was left of her--
after she found out
he never really loved her
the same way
she loved him
in the first place.

vii.

truth is,
some of us
never learn to accept
the love we think we deserve.

viii.

I don't know if you still read my poems
or if you still think about me,
about us, sometimes.
Every time you fall asleep past eleven,
a part of me hopes you do.
because I always remember you--
in birthday candles, red ribbons,
off-tune voice records, golden arches,
concrete sidewalks, pedestrian lanes,
the last flickers of city lights
softly fading out of the blue.
I remember you
in everything, in everywhere,
in everyone.
It's useless, no matter how much I try to forget.
No matter how much I just want to forget.
I want to forget.

But, how could I?

When forgetting means forsaking
the very memory of you.

#love #nostalgia #forgetting #remembering #citylights #poetry #memories

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

Are You Upset with Me

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

Kaitlin Evers

Are You Upset with Me

Am I doin' alright
Am I doin' okay
Feels like I'm fallin' away
Can't trust myself; don't know what to say
Am I feelin' this way
Because I know what others say
Or because I know that I've strayed from your way
I don't care what others say
Just wanna be okay
Don't wanna stray from your way
Just tell me:
Am I okay?
Am I doin' alright
Don't know why I'm feelin' contrite
Guilted by others
Or knowin' they're right

#god #way #right #contrite #falling #feeling #stray #apollo

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

End of the world.

Dec 2018 Katrina Kennedy

kiran goswami

End of the world.

I will be waiting for him,
At the end of the world.
Where the stars don't shine,
And there is no sun.
Where the sky isn't blue,
And the wind doesn't blow.
Where people are not found,
And the birds don't fly.
Where the land comes to an end,
And the sea doesn't begin.
Where love can't be seen,
And hatred can't be heard.
Where life is lost,
And death is not found.
Where I can't speak,
And he can't hear.
Where I tell left,
And he walks to the right.
Where the day doesn't end,
And the night doesn't begin.
Where everything is dark,
And darkness is too bright.
Where I cry for him,
And he smiles for me.
Where I become weak,
And he becomes strong.
Where we finally kiss,
And yet don't touch.
So when the night comes,
I'll be waiting for him,
At the end of the world.

#world #end #kiss #love #waiting #night #day #life #death #smile