Doesn't matter
what side of the wing you are on
if the bird is sick,
you all hit the ground together.
You are the mites,
biting away
at its already ruffled feathers.
or the fleas
feasting on its anemic flesh
and its invisible cage
is just big enough
for you
to make a choice.

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

I stood in the February snow
the freezing sleet
no boots
no coat
Steam wafting off my fury

My father read the lie
two hundred yards away
and walking toward me

So I owned it
told it
With a snarl
Without a flinch
Both knowing

I held my ground before him
and wore the red of his hand
on my face for a week

Here it goes again.
Another poem to describe how useless I am.
How tattered my soul is.
How my brain resembles my hands,
callused, numb, and broken dry skin.
I'm a terrible person.
Self indulgent and full of sin.

And here it goes again.
In the mirror I see nothing.
A big steaming pile of nothing.
Full of wasted dreams, 'what ifs' and 'one days.'
The **** that I write never comes out right.
The **** that I dream is just that:
a big steaming pile of nothing.

Here it goes again.
As if I am something.
But I can't get past how useless I am.
A speck in this cosmic dust cloud.
And here I go again, thinking I am a tornado.
How I will crush your dream home
and leave behind a big steaming pile of debris.

Here I go again,
thinking I am nothing.
When really, I am something.
I am a speck in this cosmic cloud,
without me that tornado wouldn't be.

I used to be
But seriously
I think I found the one
Maybe not the one I marry,
Or anything as scary
But I've fallen in love

What does it take to smile and say
Everything is okay?
I've learned it's easier
To hide and fade into darkness
And be reminded that "this is hopeless"
Than to fight

There is more fear hidden within us
Then there is within us wanting to fight
All that we have inside us will still
Push our happiness into a frown

I have fought to get to where I am
Yet every time I get myself out,
I am pushed back again
I fight and push to get up out of the darkness
Just to go back to where I began

I was so scared.
Scared I'd revert back
To become who I was before you.

Simply wanting you
Is not love to me,
Even though such thoughts
Cross my mind constantly.

Love is doing everything
To make sure you find comfort.
It's knowing that you are safe
Whether it is with me
Or with another.

Knowing someone else puts a
Smile on your face
Hardly hurts
Compared to the rest I feel for you:
More than words can say.
More than anything.

I want nothing more
Than to see you happy.
Maybe not with me;
Maybe it is with him.

But in my mind,
It's you that matters.

As you jump back from me disgustedly,
My words can only bring empty soliloquy,
Stapled jaw lines, & open mouths,
Mumbling I'm sorry, through cracked lips,
You wonder why I sleep with my bedroom door locked,
Don't cry over split blood on tile floors,
The clean up is easy.

Do the trees just die

every season out of

a sense of habit?