I'm completely l o s t

between your legs
and my own thoughts
of being more
and feeling ****

I'm caught up
around the feeling of
you never coming back
and I cling to it

there's a whole universe
growing inside of me
but there's a black hole
of sadness swallowing it all

I don't wanna hear you or
your voice asking me
how am I, how do I feel,
because I feel cheated

I think I'm cracking up
and my home, oh God,
it isn't where it should be,
and I'm not where I should

I just sleep
and try
to feel better,
tomorrow.

everything is so quiet
yet I feel
like I'm falling apart

                                          they said I'd hit the ground
                                                      so hard I could
                                                       barely survive

                                                        ­                    so falling wasn't enough pain
                                                            ­                                now hitting ground,
                                                         ­                        being around while not ok

                                                       I feel so lonely
                                                 and I'm still trying to
                                                            fi­gure out

how and why and
**** **** fuck f///
///////////////uck

                                                    I've­ got no excuses
                                                         ­  and I know
                                                  cutting my legs hurts

                                                          ­                          and hitting my face hurts
                                                           ­                            and holding my breath
                                                          ­                         until I see darkness hurts

                                                 but nothing, nothing
                                                   matters at all now
                                                     that I just feel so

numb

                                                              erratic

                                                    ­                                                             *empty

and I feel
like the homeless lover
without any Godot to wait
without any heart to care

and I feel
time goes on and on
and I have moved out
but I'm back where I don't belong

and I feel
that it goes on forever
looking for some eyes
to see myself into

and I feel
I could die any second
and nobody would remember
a little bit of my name

and I feel
this has gone too far
my hope has vanished
and for now

I just wait




and wait






and wait










*and wait

they say
Paris
is the most beautiful
in the rain

*I say
they've never
seen you
in the rain

I see you:
you're dreaming.

about what trees are you hanging?
over what seas are you flying?

why are your eyes so gracefully closed?
how does your lips press each other?

what music sounds inside your heart?
is it the same music we listen to the same moment?

right here,
on the aeroplane / over the sea

I know we are
I know you'll smile

I know your hair dancing to the wind
I know your crossed hands

I know the smell before your rain,
the one you left in stars

I know the music of your silence
or absence of life

I know your sleep
and even there, oh,

I guess I love you even more
than I have ever loved myself