Oh, how I wish you still called
To hear that crack in your voice
Flaws and all
You were still my first choice.

Oh, how I wish you still called
To talk the fears back
Because since we fell off
It brought the tears back.

The comforted words you spoke*
The *life in your laugh
All the memories I have to revoke
Brings all the pain back.

sick to my stomach
and bloodshot eyes.
nicotine stains
and scarred thighs.
I live on little sleep
and lost hope.
wondering just when
you'll return home
again.

From the man on your heels
From the cold
From your demons
Run wolf run
Run until the fog has cleared
Until your chest has warmed
Until your ache is fed
Your hunger satisfied
Your past is gone
Run past those of no importance
Leave them in their place
Stay with your own kind
Embrace your hot copper tinged diet
Warm salt
Raw meat
You're all sharp claws and memory
Deep instinct
An ever rolling hunger in your belly
Programmed to survive, love, feed, make
Run

and maybe I just
get attached too easily
and maybe I just
get my hopes up too fast
but I cannot fight this feeling
in the pit of my stomach
that every single atom
of my existence wants to be with you every minute of everyday.
so no,
I cannot help but get my hopes up.
no, I cannot help
getting attached to you.  
because you taught me
I shouldn't turn others into my lungs and rely on them for every breath.
but I should allow things
like sunsets
and the ocean shore
and the way the stars look at 3 am take my breath away.
(sjb)

"Do you...?"
The elder asked in late September,
It wasn't difficult, I knew the answer,
But still I paused, briefly undisturbed
And every detail, I suddenly remembered:

Glancing look
Batting eye
Short of breath
Long sigh.

Chest pocket
Slightly pounds,
Deep breath...
"Nice to meet you"

Charming smile,
Class Monday,
First touch,
Dinner Friday?  

Silent pause,
Checks calender
"That'll work!"
Phone number.

Sweating palms
Nerves swell
Deep breath...
Doorbell.

Dad's request,
Home at eight,
"Movie premier?"
Second date.

Hand in mine,
Afraid to miss,
Eyes close,
First kiss.

Throat tightens
Tears form
First fight
Cheeks warm.

Things I said,
Were never true,
You see... Because..
Well... "I love you."

Bended knee
Golden band
White box
Take my hand?

Five maids
Five men
White dress
Violin.

Chest pocket,
Slightly pounds.
Sweating palms,
Nerves swell.
Throat tightens,
Tears form;
"Do you..?"

The elder asked in late September,
It wasn't difficult, I knew the answer.

everyone I know is dead

Or
it's I who's gone & beyond to them

but in this moment I feel beautiful
I've never felt so pure before

free from being a thought-
fore, after or otherwise

not in the least troubled with concern
as it has not troubled itself
to extend its pruned fingers in
my direction

how sweet it is to be nothing at all

lips free from the stain of
pretty lipstick,
no strain of passion in my face

the excess of pity
and empathy have left
their mark, in any case

I've no love to keep me,
no tender arms to cage me in

I am not but a mere ripple
in a vast timeless ocean

to which I yearn to return

I never was and I will never be

gone & beyond is the only
fleeting meaning I've seen and need