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I was trying to draw a picture
I had of you on my mind
Went through all my greens and blues
But none were the right kind

I picked up different pencils
Nothing I did felt right
Your hair bright as the sun
My colors hadn't enough light

I stopped for a moment
Allowed myself to feel
With the memory of your smile
My drawing became real

My hands worked on their own
And the lines clicked into place
When I finally opened my eyes
I was staring at your face
 Jun 2016 John Hawkins
Jess
We lived in a haze
as nicotine coated the sky that summer
and you were coughing up cacophonies
creating caustic clarity
until you were smothering me.
Lamenting our subtle insanity
we were burning up from our fingertips
without ever moving an inch.
Berating concrete jungles
laid out in strip malls.
We dropped whispers in beer bottles
and manifestos in ash trays.
As snide judgment sneered through slitted eyes
and snakes gave way to tongues.
We built an empire in disintegrated misery.

So write this down:

Blame not the tabloids.
Blame not the patriarchy.
Blame the generation.

As they are blissfully jaded
and they are propping up our pedestals.
As they crown us with misguided jewels
in awe of our fortress.

But then the smoke thinned
and the air bit our skin.
My ears burned with antipathy.
It was dripping off our pens
as your words turned black against the fire.
And my mouth grew numb before me.
 Jun 2016 John Hawkins
Jess
With bile splattered journals in hand
they spoke with arrhythmia
palpitating misery in their poetry.

Now they tear the roots out of their skin as
their left ears are numb to validity.
Logic is a mere fallacy as they are
emitting blood soaked words.

And the populace heeds no warning,
blinded behind a microphone,
they are deaf to their own soliloquy.
Ultimately we own mere illusions.
This my opinion which you do not like.
Tough! I don't care if your karmicly thick
Mind confined does heroic contortions
To affirm. I don't care if your wispy
Aggregate dreams a Himalayan self
Poor ******* son of Santa Claus. I laugh
At your ***** soft logic, dark, faulty
Twisted, and stillborn at the lip. Live your
Pain to its fullest shape, suffer your thought
Completely. I ask only from this heart
That if you choose, reach to me with hope for
Help, that i may gently lend a hand free
Of pretense, as you have done for me.
 Jun 2016 John Hawkins
Slur pee
We paint on each other with flesh tones,
Rough like wood and soft like a rose.
Split open my petals, leave me exposed
The scent of nature touches your nose,
Coaxing your passion to light and explode.
My withering leaves curl and return,
Floricide kiss, body made of dirt.
**** me, and I will be reborn.
Treacherous eyes gaze upon vines,
I wish to be entwined- ******* inside
Lush foliage, on supporting limbs.
I can hear your birds sing
As my bees fly around humming-
Buzzing, begging for your endless loving.

-SLuR
 Jun 2016 John Hawkins
Astral
The singing rotted chimeras, of the oozing blood church

Sing their disemboweled hymns, as the somber bell chimes to the dead

Along the pews are dried blood bibles, words of horror and sorrow

Written by men who thought to play God, and reap the values of the meek

As the suicide clocks strike their hands, and the blood soaked ravens take their flight

The blackened sun sets on the streets of acid, and the blissful dread plays as a music box
An old poem I wrote one evening when it was raining heavily, and the news was playing softly on the tv
Rain falls quietly

The piano fades away

It's my kind of day
 Jun 2016 John Hawkins
jnas
I came to the realization
that I'm unable to love,
at least for now.

I don't hold on to anyone
or anything, but rather,
my own insecurities.

I've tried to love, and when
I do, I only wonder if they'll
love the things about me that
I have yet to love about myself.

If your self love has limits,
so will the love you receive.


-j.nas
We found a rock looking out over the river
And sat there until the sun went down.

Little bear, tell me our love isn’t bound
by ancient sadness, interred and bland.
Tell me that like this twilight, this brown water, this red sky,
we roll in the world’s performing heartbeat
and clasp life in our childish hands.

Look at me. Our touch is calligraphy.
And we transcribe uniqueness in each other’s skin.
We deliberate on dug out tattoos,
climbing ivy and on pruning the dead-heads,
hallucinating our springtime as scars.

We live like the reeds, the Thames willow
plunged in the pavement drinking at mud.
We turn like the catkins, the knotted branches and
ducks lined in a row. We’re tidal, in a flux
demanded by a drill sergeant moon.

This is a vision of permanence at night
and this vast imagination is an echo.
We perch upon each other,
like sparrows upon the fences of history
Roots in your dress. Your lips sowing.

Nations are being re-sketched by our pencils,
so many have died for a line in the sand.
She’s heard the screech of the *****, the robin’s call to arms
but chooses the sunrise, to roll with the seasons.
In springtime together we reap the hay, its grows again.
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