no one ever taught me to feel
only to never do it aloud
im always surrounded by those
too busy to help me
but love to see me smile
i never understood
why people want
not work
until i felt real hurt
and slept
while everything got worse
my pain came mailed to my place
with no return address
it clung to me so tight
im forced to call it mine
violating my body
but never tying the knot
making difficult to know
whats real or whats not
the river refuses to drown me
just forces me to float along
passing by many sights
that may or may not be home
feeling adult pain
before i could sign a lease

Abandoned
Ugly
Hurt
Like I don't matter
Useless
Invisible
Like I don't belong
Not worthy of love

I guess it's time
To put this ruby red heart
Back in it's ebony chest
Along with a few pearls of wisdom,
A piece of broken jade for luck,
And a bit of sunshine for the warmth he once gave
Lock it up tight
With unbending iron and fright
I'll bury it deep
Swallow the key
With the only treasure map tattooed on my sleeve
Where I used to wear my heart
That once did beat

no i dont want to tell you bye
i want to tell you nothing
i want to go home
and go to work
i want to get paid
and do my work
i dont want to socialize
or tell you what i think of you
or develop relationships
i just want to be free
from this ******* work
corporate chain nonsense
i dontwant any part of it
so i dont want a goodbye
because iw ish id never see uagain
please let me leave
without saying goodbye
******* hate it
just trying to control me
why does it bother u
that i dont say bye
youre just ******* stepping on my toes
trying to make me be just like you
i'm an individual
not a robot
i dont have a goodbye message
or a fading apple
or a dancing android
to tell yuo im shutting down
i just want to go home
in peace
and i dont want to see you ever again

Watching videos
About the lives
Of others

On my computer

What about my life?
What about my life?

So alone
So alone

Driving around
In my car

Driving around
Suburban neighborhoods

These beautiful women
Will never touch me

I used to be happy

Some years ago

Now I don't feel
Much joy

I am dying
I am dying

In this terrible world

For what purpose
Is all this suffering for?

What a colossal bore

I tried to fix
My body

So alone
So alone

A planet with billions
And so alone

Heart still beating
Exercise regularly

Tomorrow
Is promised
To no man

Some people
Have fulfilling lives

Other people just suffer

I'm here
At my library

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing

And I'm not
Doing that well
At all

Blah Blah Blah blah
Times and faces
Blah blah blah blah
Dates and places

And when I get
To the pearly gates
I'll say to St. Peter
This place better be
******* great!

For all the ****
God put us through

And their better be
Women with ******* too!

Why do we inflict pain on others
Just to do it
Just to see them cry
Why do you beat mommy up and then the next day act all sorry
Why do you keep doing it
If you are really sorry you would stop
Why do you threaten me if I try to tell someone
You said it is a game
I don't like this game daddy
Why don't you take me to ball games
And take me out for ice cream
And play games like all the other dads do?
Why do you laugh when you make me cry
Why are you never there for me
Why do you do this
Daddy this has gone on for years
Years and years enough for too many tears
5 years pass and a million tears fall
Clothes in shreds
And I have no bed
Seeing stars in my eyes
While your grinning devilishly
You raise your hand
And I can't stand
You say sorry
But sorry is not enough
I've learned to be tough
And I don't buy your crap apologies anymore
This has gone on for more than a years
12 too many years
This needs to stop
I can't escape
Why can't you stop
I'm dying can't you see
daddy Stop
Your hurting me
Daddy I'm dying
Daddy God loves you
Why don't you understand that
Daddy war has harden your heart
Daddy stop
I never go anywhere
I'm always in dingy house with badly worn furniture
Daddy where's mommy
I saw the police discovered a ****** body in the dumpster
Daddy crys stop
Daddy I hate you
Go where you belong in hell