You don't think I see it.
And, honestly,
I didn't recognize it at first.
I've never been on the receiving end of that look.
But, as they hook me up
With wires and sensors
For an EKG,
I can see it.
The way you look at me.
That fire in your eyes,
Always so resilient,
So passionate.
Like you could do anything
As long as you really wanted it.
But it looked like that fire,
Just now,
Was eating you alive.
The flames licking at the fragments
Of your heart.
It looked like pain.
Like loss.
Like the world is falling down all around you,
And there is nothing you can do to stop it.
I recognize that look, now.
I've seen it in my own reflection,
Staring back at me,
Venomous tears threatening to burn through my skin
If I were to let them fall.
A sandy lump in my throat,
When I finally understood.
You can love someone with every part of you,
With your whole heart.
You can love someone
Through lifetimes.
Through centuries.
You can love someone to the very end of the universe,
And back again.
But you cannot love someone's broken pieces back together.
But,
Sometimes,
When all I feel is searing pain,
I think of the pain in your eyes,
The very depth of it,
The intensity,
When you even entertain the thought of losing me.
And it suddenly occurs to me,
That you love me.
And as long as you love me,
As long as you're mine,
I'm not done here. No, not yet.
So I stand up.
I brush myself off,
And look directly into the void,
And wait for it to blink first.
I growl through gritted teeth,
****** from a split lip,
While clutching the lace hem
Of my pink sundress.
*"I am not done here. No, not yet."