I wish for the star to shine,
Yet it won’t glow for me,
Unlucky.



© Pax

Why do they call crushes crush?

I walk by you and start to blush

You smile at me and I think I died inside

I realize you smiled at her and I start to cry

Meaning of crush is they crush your heart

They mess with your feelings, tear you apart

I miss you. I miss you so. ****. much.

I miss you with every step and breath I take.
But no.
I miss you more than that. So much more.

I miss your fingers entwined with mine, your thumb doodling patterns across my knuckles.

I miss your voice, the inflection and emphasis of your carefully chosen words, hearing you laugh when I laugh.

I miss your breath tickling my neck at 2 AM, and waking you at 3. Kisses, love, and challenges to follow.

I miss once-in-a-while 4 AM kitchen dances. Aaliyah serenading our modest rendezvous.

We believed it was the perfect time for a dance. Not quite morning, not quite night. But for us, it was just right. The essential in-between moment of blurred clarity.

I miss our blurred clarity.

Our oxymoron.

If I were a doctor
with the finest education,
Zeppelin on vinyl
would be my only prescription.

Love someone
who will lend you books
when you’re sad

someone who will drive you home
while holding your hand

someone who will bring you to concerts
of your favorite bands

and someone who’ll make you laugh
when you’re acting bland

―a.t.

Cut your teeth
on gasoline,
white lies, small death
and saccharine.

Hollow chests,
empty smiles.
thoughts and hearts
will stop a while.

Cold hands,
cold hearts.
we're dangerous children
with poisonous darts.

Beautiful girl,
You strike fear at my core

You alone can get close to me,
And only slowly,
One secret at a time

As I release them to you,
One by one,
I fear you'll turn away and run

The more you hear,
The more you may hurt me
But still I will try,

For the thought of your beauty
Wrapped around me entirely
Is greater than the sum of my fear

Recorded off the cuff: https://soundcloud.com/user4081486/after-a-night-out

How can I ****** look at you right now?
All of you
You're all just ******...
You're ****** ******* yourselves out
You're not finding love
You're not finding anything that fulfills
How can I look at you?

All you're getting met is
a physical need
at best
Some of you probably not even that
And here I am
After a night out
I'm meant to look at you?
And get off?

You look into the eyes of these men
as they *******
You think you're getting what you need?
I doubt it
I really doubt it
Am I getting what I need?
I doubt it
I really doubt it

I feel more empty every night
All I'm doing is watching
Here you are
Giving your everything
to these men
And I'm watching
I'm not getting what I want
I'm not getting what I need
How can I imagine that you are?

You...
I'm not sure what to write about you
I wonder if you can see my hurt
You say you're a very anxious person
And that you had a panic attack
And that's why you started counseling
The way you carry yourself, though,
Seems like you have it all together
When you look at me,
Do you see what's going on inside?
Can you see my past?
My recent history?
I don't know what to do or say or think
I haven't kissed you
Do I want to?
I like our goodbye hugs
I notice you are a little cuter to me each time we meet
Tonight for the first time, though,
My last love came to mind for no apparent reason
It was only the anger and pain
Not love (or infatuation)
But she is still in the way
And I need to take it slow
I just hope our feelings line up
Whether or not we continue to grow

You know how
some want to
fix their lover
and others badly
need fixing—
What if you're both?