Again, I am paralyzed ー
Confined in my box of a room
as I am stricken with this strange fever, you see.

And now, here I lie - spread-eagle and stillー
to dawn on how thoughtd turn quickly
Like the crack of Dusk.

I am not sure if I'm lucid or not ー
Adrift in my dream-like Now
Because I am afraid to wake up
To the glint of Reality's stainless Blade.

I confess, it is a sight to see ー
The sought after Light at the end
Be swallowed by the Hole I'm in.

Where I find myself Falling ー
Falling ー
Falling ー
Away from the Light and down the Abyss.

Does it feel like geting lost in a foreign yet familiar place?
Or is it like a smile under the rain?
Is it like losing your lover's love?
Or does it feel like nothing at all?

I confess, words cannot express
This feeling ー
Of Falling without End ー
Of Falling without End...

This silent predator is neither Friend nor Foe,
because it attacks when one least knows.
Before you know it, when the calm follows the storm ー
It has covered you like Pinatubo's sable-colored ash.

Long black hair
That frizzes in the heat
Eyes a chocolate brown
A gaze long since lost its shine
A smile that hides no pain
A sweet tooth
That won't be outgrown
Unlike cotton attire
A heart grows dull
And cries unnoticed
Behind that unseen frown
On a good day
She looks like a woman
Like any other
Like every other
Like no other
Like no one
On her best days
She is a cool breeze on a warm day
Unseen, unrealized
Noticed after she's gone
A scent
A feeling
The absence of
Nothing

You were there for so long,
keeping me up right and locked
in the same position
to fix the things underneath my skin.
Things I can't see without other's devices.
All of these fractured, cracked and shattered bits of me
started to come back together.
Never close to how I was.
But the vest version of me that is capable of existing now.

Now you've been serrated from me.
Shrapnel of you flew everywhere
as the pieces of us were ripped and removed,
all that's left of you and me is an empty shell of what was.
My protection from this world is now just hazardous debris.

Adjusting to this different version of myself,
it's skin I don't recognize
and doesn't feel like mine.
This scaffolding of happiness
can never fully integrate
with so much of me missing.

Don't tell me I'm pretty, I did not choose the way my features aligned themselves, or the texture of my hair, or the color on my skin. Tell me I have a beautiful mind, tell me you love my honesty. Tell me the way the rain makes me happy, makes you happy, compliment me on things I've worked on, on things I've developed. Don't tell me I'm ugly, I did not choose the way my features aligned themselves, or the texture of my hair, or the color on my skin. Tell me the way I enter a room like a hurricane infuriates you, tell me my tactlessness hurts you and everyone around me, tell me my inappropriate mouth is offensive and crude. Critique me on things I can change, make me a better person. I don't care how you think I look.

I didn't want you in my pants
So I put on a dress

Be not your self
There is naught
So and sow
Be not yourself
Like a timeless moon
And drink to my fervent
soul
My flesh and bones

This, this garden I made you, the garden of flowers,
I hope you might find strength through them.
On the right, the bees work to find it's honey,
and the daffodils on the left are still so blue.
The lilies by the small creek, and the rows of many flowers
stand in every color. The green-leafed willow I planted
holds them underneath the red sky.

My heart fades, my strength fails,
but your soul, like this, is a garden ever-beautiful.

Your lips are apple blossoms, and your hair falls like the breeze
of the morning.  Your kindness, like a hot shower
after a full day of work, you are so sweet, kind.
You take care of the weak, and do all that is good.
Like a mysterious tree in the garden,
                             You stand beautifully.

Now many things stretch for mystery and desire in this world,
but my bride, my bride, my beautiful bride, you set them all free.