I’m tired but I can’t seem to sleep these recent nights, your name is on every corner of the city and all I think about is us.

I need sleep. Maybe I would with you next to me, listening to you as you breathe in stardust slowly the moonlight kisses your skin I just want to watch you light up the room past midnight.

I want the ocean to feel jealous that the moon is sleeping next to me tonight.

I spend two hours every day writing you letters. In over two months I’ve written about a hundred, each and every one has met the heat of a fire.
Each one burned with a “sorry” at the end and I think I’ve said that word far too much that it’s lost it’s meaning.

I’m not sorry I fell in love with you.

I’m not sorry you meant the world to me.

I’m not sorry I gave you my all.

But most importantly I’m not sorry I met you.

People are poison, people hurt you, people will learn to love you as you are, so know that I loved you for the ****** up individual that you were.
You scared me just as much as I scared you.

But it didn’t change the way I felt about you.

Today I found out that human beings are not mirrors.

1. I saw you cracked and I said to myself “fix her”

2. I thought about 10 different ways to “fix” her.

3. Affection.

4. Love.

5. Lust.

6. Poetry.

7. Kisses.

8. Letters.

9. Hugs.

10. Fix her.
10. Fix her.
10. Fix her.

Slowly realizing that you couldn’t be fixed I stepped away from your shattered heart.

I saw your body bruised and thought to myself she’s been through hell, so why should I try to throw more gasoline on her melting corpse.

Maybe I have an attraction towards insanity.

After all aren’t we all?

All this time and I thought you needed me, when in fact it was I that needed you.

And I still do.

Now I know that we can’t fix each other, and in the process I learned how to love even the darkest pieces.

So when you ask me why I love you, know it’s because I’ve seen you at you’re best and your worst, and I choose both every ******* time.

I always will,
always.

When I walk into the Emergency Room I know exactly what they're going to say, "Four years is a long time for a broken heart to heal" I guess they don't know how hard you hit it with your fist. So they stick me with a needle full of morphine and tell me, "This will help". It never does.

2. Dried lips and Swollen "I love you's" can make you feel again but god I don't want to feel anything if it means sitting here with my lungs filling up with fluids suffocating me while my ribs crack and splinter every ******* part of my body when she doesn't reply.

3. I told my Best friend I wanted to fall in love and he told me he would start writing my eulogy.

4. Words get stuck inside my bloodstream and their edges cut into my heart. I want to tell you how much I ******* miss you. I can't stop bleeding.

5. My mother always told me not to love someone with my entirety, because one night they'll turn off the lights and they'll take every fiber of me and forget come back to switch them back on.

6. There are over a thousand ways to **** yourself, hang yourself, burn the house with your body still in it, do too much ******, bleed yourself dry, let the weight of stone where your heart used to be drag you down to the bottom of the lake. I think the most effective way is making love with someone whose name you'll never be able to say without shaking.

7. You don't burn in a fire. You just become a part of it. Your hair ignites like fireworks end, your bones turn into coals, and your eyes melt into the embers. They say that being burned alive is the worst pain you could experience they were telling the truth I should have been more careful around you and your words that lit me aflame. There was a lot of choking and burning and thrashing and darkness.

8. When I told you to sleep with me I didn't mean Leave come sunrise and forget what happened.

9. Maybe you should come over. Maybe I should change the locks. I think I love you again.

10. I stopped smoking because you could stop my hands from shaking just as well as a cheap pack of cigarettes but you rot my insides even worse.

8:55 am

I woke up and the first thought I had while my eyes were adjusting to morning light, was you.

9:30 am

I took a shower with hot water, hoping that the solitude of a small room would allow my thoughts to be rinsed away but sadly you flooded my heart, suffocating me.

11:00 am


Today is the 22 of June. For some strange reason I still keep track of when I met you, when was the last time I saw you. I never wonder if I'll see you again, or how long it'll take for that to eventually happen.

I forgot what time it was, because I was thinking so much about you that time became irrelevant.

It didn't matter how long I've known you for because you came and impacted my life like an asteroid on some planet. You left me bruised, I know your touch now and I know your love.

5:00 pm

I'm still thinking about you.


8:00 pm

The sunset reminds me a lot about you, how beautiful you are and how you don't even bother or care to know. I could look at you for an eternity or two, and still love you for what and who you are.

Mid-night.

Here I go, hoping that in my sleep I'll get some peace but truly how I just ******* wish you could be here next to me in bed.

Maybe it's all a dream.

I miss you.

2. I miss you.

3. I miss you.

4. I spend two hours or maybe four wondering where you are and what exactly happened between us. I spend more time wondering about you then I do about the world.

5. I still miss you.

6. It's been over 68 days since I last saw your face, but it doesn't matter because I can still recall the way your lips felt, the way your hands touched me. I even remember the way your skin smells, I remember everything about you.

7. I read somewhere that you shouldn't beg someone to stay in your life. If they need to remove themselves allow them too. Perhaps there is more reason behind that fact than I come to justify in my own mind.

8. I think I fell in love with you.

9. I am in love with you.

10. I still miss you.

11. I still love you.

12. We were so bad for each other, but maybe love is a type of poison. One that we learn to endure.  

13. All of these are messages I wish I could send you.

14. Find happiness where ever you may be.

15. I'll still love you and I'll miss you dearly.

15. I'll be waiting for you.

I find the little pieces of you in everyone. I met a girl yesterday, her name starts with an L, like yours, and the girl I sat next to in Starbucks was reading your favourite book and the little kid I saw in the park today kinda laughs like you.

2. I heard drowning was a peaceful way to die but thoughts of you have been twisting around my arms and pulling me under and holy **** I can't breathe. Water is burning at my throat, and my eyes feel like they're being incinerated. Everything hurts. I'm falling deeper, I'm at my breaking point. My lover finds me thrashing around in bed screaming your name. Drowning is messy.

3. I asked you for a lighter to light my cigarette with since I misplaced mine. But instead you said a collection of words that set me on fire, and you watched me burn to the ground. You could've put me out. Why didn't you just ******* put me out?

4. I guess I didn't know what I was expecting. I know life is far from what the movies you love watching come to be, I know that I won't get the girl because I'm the guy whose loved her when she stopped altogether. I know that I won't get the chance to kiss you in the rain either, but I just didn't think I would get to watch you slip through my fingers and mistake you for someone to fall asleep to when I was lonely.

5. You were never into writing or anything, your favourite hobby was breaking my heart.