The fight has left me
Can't take anymore
Too much pain to bear

Cornered now, whimpering to the shadows
What I've succumb to
A mere shadows of the fighter who I used to be

Ready to give up
Waiting for the next blow
Just end it all

The hope I had is gone along with my pride and strength
I've been stripped of everything that defines me
I have no power
I'm just another broken child

Hang the noose,
Tighten the chains,
Doesn't matter
Lacerate my skin,
Burn my soul,
Just end it all
I'm already broken
I just wish for the peace after death's eternal sleep

Art is limitless
Art is pure
Art is life

Strum a few cords
Hum a melody
Sing from the soul,
That is Art

Paint agony
Sketch misery
Carve beauty
Sculpt time
That is Art

Move to the rhythm
Twirl to the lyrics
Float with notes
That is Art

Capture a scene
Freeze the moment
Time frozen by the lens
That is Art

Breathing each day
Hiding all night
Laughing the pain away
Crying the joyous moment
That is life
And that too is Art

I was hurting and crippled,
Crying as I mended my wounds.
The agony was immense and I nearly drowned
But then I found a new light.

You may have weakened me
But I found power amongst the pain and wreckage.
I found a life preserver in this sea of hate.

Don't apologize.
In the end you made me strong.
You helped me build this battleship.

I'm your knight
I will ride through hell and fire to protect you
I will charge into battle for you

I am your shield
I will take all these blows
Take all this pain
Just so you won't hurt

I am your prisoner
I will do the impossible to see you smile
Do anything to make what you want happen
Embrace these shackles and always be here for you

I am your guardian angel
I hide in the shadows
Protecting you in silence
Suffering from love I can't have

I am your best friend
Always here to hug you through the dark storms
With a joke to bring the smiles back
I'll hold you up high on a pedestal
The sacrifices I make you'll never know

I do this all because
I am the one who's in love with you

All I ever wanted was for mommy to say she loved her little boy. To say "I'm proud of you". To look at me without shame. All I ever lived for was to prove my worth to her. To have her recognize me, to say "I love you". To hug me so the demons flee. All I ever longed for, was for a mother. To hold me and say " Don't worry, everything will be OK". Instead, all I've ever received was cold 'love'. I received lonely birthdays, followed by insults and comparison of my younger blood. All I ever received was beatings and rage. The bottle claimed her just as the blade claimed me. All I received was isolation. All I feel now is rage. Rage to her, rage to the world for abandoning me. Rage to my friends for having love, hating then secretly because they're not alone in the middle of a crowd. All I feel is apathy, an indifference to a life that's been unkind to me. I didn't ask to be the monster, so why do they complain when I show all I know? I am just a simple product of society's rejects. All I ever dreamed for, all I ever prayed for, all I ever hoped for, was just to not be alone. But that's all I got, it's all I know.

I won't speak out of term
This pain sealed within I will hide
Just to make you happy, just to keep the peace

I will not show weakness
These tears  I shed, I'll hide from the world
This I do to show you strength, to appease you

I will not rebel
This poet and artist will remain to the shadows, dormant from all
Just to not catch your sinister eyes
Just to not be hated

I will not be happy
This homosexual will remain dead
Just to not cease to exist
Just to be noticed

This life I will not cherish
I'll seal the casket to fall asleep
Just to escape the searing pain that you give
Just to at atast, obtain peace

One day a year, we decide to be kind
To show our love for one another,to be pure of mind.

We laugh and smile, a day to rejoice;
Though is one day a year the only choice?

Why not be kind all year long,
Show your love and bliss to those you're among?
Can't we retain the better half of our humanity within our hearts?
If humanity consists only of this hypocrisy, I want no parts!

One day to show your love, one day to be pure;
Tis the truth, there is no cure.
We're destined to live in shambles,
To never experience true gambols.
It's sad to say, we're nothing but lies;
So I have one thing left to say: my final goodbyes.
Learn from humanity's mistakes;
Do not let your heart be filled with petty aches.
Love your life, so when you die
You may leave in peace, with a blissful goodbye.

I'm not a broken puzzle
Not a miserable mystery
I'm a rattlesnake
Hear my rattle, know your place
Get too close, and you'll feel the burn of my venom

I'm no shattered soul
Not a weeping a heart
I'm the Indian Red Scorpion
I have a strong armor and deadly pincers
But try to see passed my armor
And you'll feel my sting from hell

I'm not a bleeding scar
Not a dying flame
I am Javier Garza
See these cold eyes of mine
There's nothing in there for you to find
Try to penetrate my mind and heart
And you'll feel my destructive wrath
Feel the last horror before you lose your light

Wishing someone would discover the broken pieces.
The demon you see hides his heart.
A bleeding ***** he wishes someone would heal.
He wants you to touch the bleeding flesh.
Won't you stitch together the falling pieces?
Won't you be the one to save this demon?

My eyes are witness to many things,
Good and bad, I've seen it all
The darkness and evil of humanity,
I've witnessed it
But also the raw love and sweet touch of loved ones

I've experienced many things
I've felt the cold balde, the burning split it brings
The sweet release that soon follows
As well as the comfort of a good friend
The hug of someone who cares,
The warmth of someone who loves

I've hid many things
I'm a vault locked with the secrets people have entrusted me with
But their pain and dark deeds are not all I hold inside
I also hide my own agony and darkness from the public's view
I fear eyes like mine that'll see my crippled self
So I lock away all my Flaws

I've worn this mask for far too long
Who I am, too hard too much to describe
I'm a walking paradox
Strong, protective, caring, perfect from the outside
Inside I crack and fall into the abyss of the past that won't let me go

Behind the mask I've held back my true self
So now the mask falls
And I reveal the vulnerability of who I truly am;

I cry at night, hidden from all
I wipe the tears and mask the trail with smiles and a fake confidence
The darkness cripples me
It scares me,
The darkness shows me side of who I am that I fear
But I revel in it in front of others to not be attacked
I show others that I'm a warrior
When in fact there's an agony so raw that it burns me to the core
I'm in so much pain that it blinds me
Paralyzed with the realization that I'm drowning
And each day the battle just gets worse
But no one knows,
Because the mask was on to hide all the ugly
But now, my mask falls
It plummets down to hell
And reveals someone new to your eyes
Someone locked away for far too long
What is it now, that you think of me?

An empty canyon
An abyss of dark fog
Cold isolation
Frozen in time
Never truly moving forward

That was the norm
Then a blazing comet came soaring through the icy night
Land caught a flame
The dark sky light up
And hope was born

This blissful ignorance is what blocks the pain
It shuts the mind and turns me numb
Free of all the blame


The perfect world is what my unconscious creates
A barrier of thoughts
Blank stares to freeze the insults

As it slowly shuts itself out,
It sacrifices itself to shield me
Losing control and loosing myself in this sea of nothingness


Insult after beatings
No marks are left
The blades forgotten lost deep in the blank abyss
No new scars to show the spoils of internal war

Just this broken being,
Frozen near the edge
When will I rid myself of this hell
Of this halo of ignorance

This fog crawls forward
Engulfing me in the safety of its arms
Slowly dying to shield what's left of this shell
Dying to save someone who's already dead

I'm a blade and the world's been sharpening me to cut all those who dare get near me. My life revolved around blood once, then tears, then rage. Pain ended, and resentment was born. I has sharpened to fight, not to be happy. I fight, everyday, to live, to stay strong, to not lose myself. I'm a blade, cold, emotionless, and full of blood. Happiness is for those that deserve it. I deserve none. I'm strong because of the cruelty that has sharpened me. I'm razor sharp, I'm something people fear. Cold as steel, I live everyday. I'll cut all ties if I think I'm threatened, I'll make others bleed so that I don't bleed. Blades are meant for war, death, blood, pain. Not for love, happiness, joy, compassion. This is what I am. Not a monster, not a saint, but a blade. And the world's what sharpens me, what gives me the pain to be stronger. To remain in control, to never lose myself in the darkness.

Thoughts from the past written on these faded pages
The pain sealed behind each written word
Etched onto the old pages like the faded lines on damaged skin
Haunted memories that call out
The demons from nightmares
All locked and imprisoned in this old notebook
A notebook that burns with the pain within it
These cursed pages
This cursed notebook
This cursed past
All mine
All that I've endured
All that I've defeated

It's hard to live a double life
You hide the true you
You deny who's trapped inside

Lie to ones of the present
Hide from the past
You slowly start to crumble

Living two lives tears at the soul,
You no longer know who you really are
Like the fading scars, you hide your heart

Smile at the ghost, but glare at the ones of flesh and bones;
Fighting soon led to hiding

You try to remain true
But soon you fall back to the blade
You try to be strong, but your tears give you away
You try to stay here,
But soon you're just another lie of the past

Once upon a time I hid,
I would shy away into the shadows,
With a twinkle of light in my eyes
Once upon a time I would smile to the world with an innocent heart

I remember how all the pain, the hurt, the blame
Didn't weigh on my shoulders
How after every curse, every beating I'd continue to smile

Once upon a time I didn't hold hope, I was hope
In the raging sea of alcohol and darkness,
I was the lone island of innocence and strength

I remember now, when darkness first touched me,
The solitude came and became my friend,
Solitude and darkness
How when all were gone, my mask would fall to reveal corrupted innocence

Once upon a time I was innocent, naïve, happy and strong
Every blow and every day of abuse built my armor
Over time the light faded and like my heart, my eyes turned cold
Once upon a time, I was still human

I remember how my metamorphosis happened,
How instead of a beautiful butterfly I became a slithering viper
This isn't who I was, this is who I became
This isn't who I wanted to be, but who I had to be
Once upon a time this was all but a bad dream,
Once upon a time...

Lost myself, fell from once mighty throne
Became a fragile glass boy
Yet I never gave up
Kept on fighting
Even if in the end I made mistakes

Always hidden, mysteries that held power
Lost it all as my castle crumbled
I became human
Yet I still fought this war
Belligerent as ever, I strove to win
Although I only ended losing almost all that I love

Always smirking, confidence on display
All faded away
As the truth arose
It was all fake, lies I made to stay strong,
Still cried when I accepted the truth
Still stood as tall as possible,
Awaiting the next challenge,
Even though I failed

Once feared and hated,
Others began to sympathize when they learn of my silver scars,
The weakness was on displayed
And I began to seek help
Let those in who loved me
Put each broken glass back together
Still cracked, but strong enough to stay together

Have I gotten better?
Or have my lies improved so much that even I get lost in them?

How can I say I'm happier,
If when the smiles are all gone only resentment and agony are left to boil,
To engulf me; they too have gotten stronger

Why so much inner turmoil?
Will one of these sides just die?
Good or bad, I don't care
Just wish for this war in my head to vanish

Can't I heal?
My body has sealed the gates of hell
And just left behind sliver tracks in their remain
Blood no longer rains so why does it hurt?

Won't someone save me?
I'm drowning, can't someone see?
If it's true and I'm in darkness grasp, I've been abandoned, left to my devices
Will I prevail?

You brought me down
Broke my strength
Drained me of life

I built myself up,
Fought the lies
Tried to stand

You threw the knives
Made it rain fire
Stole my smile

I flight the mirrors
Became a sea of power
Learned to love

You lashed out with poison
Made the bruises bigger
Became the dark of my nightmares

I became strong
Learned to fight and live
I walked away,
And never looked back

Another secret to keep, another lie that's born. Shh, I can't tell, the dark deed lies in the bleeding words, in the riddles, in the depths of my sick twisted mind. Come and try, you cannot pry it out of my lips; I wont allow it. My peace of mind depends on this one secret, just one dark deed. It repeats its ****** pattern, only this is a puzzle that none can solve, none but me.

Hold me tightly,
Don't dare let go
Love me sincerely,
Don't allow the cracks to break me
Cherish me eternally,
Don't let my love die
Hold my soul closely
Don't let it slip away
Stand by me,
Don't let me fade away

I'll push the blade deeper in
I'll swallow my pride and shed silver tears

To be near you
I'll keep you close; I'll lie to the world
To not lose you
I'll be someone else; hide my true self

I'll smile the pain away
I'll be the light that keeps you here

To not be forgotten
I'll protect you
To not be ignored
I'll bare my soul to you

I'll sow my lips shut
I'll ignore the fire and burn in solitude

To not be hurt
I'll deny my feelings for you; deny the special glances we share
To not be rejected
I'll push you away; push away the heart you've began to tear

This rage echos through your inner prison
The fire seeps through the cracks
And the walls turn crimson black

To escape life
Allow the vibrations to make your ears bleed
Let the beats drown reality away
The waves and lyrics will drift away, away, far away
From the pain

You may paint your heart away
Depict your sorrow on a canvas
But is that enough?
Will the shadows capture your tears?
Does the brush relieve you of the insults

Cold apathy
When you no longer care
The burden's become too much
So you let it fall
And walk away from the crashing chaos

You can sing away the days
Your voice won't be heard
Your words will go unnoticed
The melody of the broken thrown to the winds

The chains cold as blades
They wrap around the shards
To hold together what little isn't tainted

You can pray for an end,
But when you alone can't continue fighting
What is left?
Empty canvases
Silent days
Meaningless music

A life not worth living
That's what's left

Wish for someone to discover the broken pieces,
The demon you see, he hides his heart
A bleeding ***** that he wishes for someone to heal
He wants you to touch the pulsing muscle
Won't you stitch together the falling pieces?
Won't you be the one to save this demon?

Faces forever imprinted on my heart
Friends forever holding a spot in my life
They witnessed tears and smiles
Gave birth to friendship and love
Their words forever touching my soul
Their names never forgotten
Their love never lost
Always will love them
The bestest of my friends

We will part
We will move on
She's off to college
He's off to the Army
And here left behind I stand

We shared many laughs
We shared many tears
She held me as I wept
He fought for me when I bled
But alone now I stand

We were the bestest of friends
We loved each other greatly
She never betrayed me
He never left me
But now I stand alone holding broken promises

She's a mother and a wife
She works for her family
Fights for her life
Doesn't remember the broken friend she once said she loved

He's proud and a loyal soldier
He works hard for his country, works hard for his people
Fights to defend the nation be calls his home
Doesn't remember the lost soul he vowed to protect

I stand tall and angry with the promises I'm burdened with
I promised to never give in, promised to never give up
I fought for the “family” who I thought loved me;
Don't remember those unfaithful lies
Don't remember the day I chose to die

It's something that can put a smile on your face and reassure you of your life and of those around you, believing that everything happens for a reason and that we are born to help one another. My why is more depressing. Life is horrible but we don't want it to be so. So we decided to delude ourselves with these thoughts that things happen for a reason, that we're not alone. Truth be told, on this earth, we are alone and we're horrible creatures. But we're creatures who have risen above and know true pain and love, things that we created and only we can understand. We find solace in one another and hope to find others like us so that our thoughts hold more truth to them. But if anything, things just happen because they do, no reason behind them. But at times, we're happy they do.

Feel this cold embrace
let it surround you
At the end of the day you have nothing
No use om breathing on
You've lost the fight
Breaking down until you snap,
Wish to stop  the shattering?
Just accept this freezing embrace
Cold steel can surely split the pain
If not, at least purge your soul

To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing anymore
I had hoped to be strong
To stand tall and never cower again
Instead I broke apart and fell
I cried myself into oblivion
I lost my mask

Thinking back, perhaps I was lying
And I fooled myself
Maybe I was meant to be weak
To succumb to the wrath of others,
And lose all that I tried to gain

Sincerely, it hurts to keep on fighting
I tried to be someone better
To be a being who doesn't contain pitch black bruises on their heart
But my glass broke, and I fell down in my crimson coffin

Maybe this is my purpose,
To be a weakling
To bleed so that others may feel better
Never be selfish, but wonder why no one loved me
But I just can't accept this
I can't
I just can't accept this life
I won't bow down
I won't be used

Honestly, I don't know if I can make it
This struggle drains me
But my pride won't have it
I'll keep on fighting till my last breath
This may not be the purpose of my life
But I refuse to live undead

I won't lie anymore
I'm terrified and hurt
I cry and bleed
But just because I have my weak moments doesn't mean I'm not strong
Perhaps my life was meant to be miserable,
But I won't allow it
I'm in command of my life
I will change this cursed story
I will fight to live

I'm not motivated at all. I once held high aspirations, dreams unlike most, fought to be strong, to hold my pride and marvel at my strength, to accomplish what most can't. Yet I grew weary. It's a constant battle. If not my own, the others and the world's. Constant trumoil, with little true accomplishments. Watching as it all begins to rot, knowing that changing that is near to impossible. For it is these thoughts, that call for revolution, for change, for justice, true unbiased justice. To be born in a world where ignorance gets you killed and ridiculed, yet no matter what, we remain with some sort of blindfold, ignorant forevermore. To unveil it and see with true eyes, to see the depressing reality, why it crushes what little hope I held for humanity. Dimmed it down to a low flickering flame. I rather leave the blindfold, even if I can see through it, at least it'll block some of reality away. Because no one truly lives in it anymore. They all hide with their "justified" thoughts. Believing only their way is correct. That any other path will lead to self destruction. Not trying to seek other roads, to detach themselves and see life for what it is. Instead they aim to create life what the wish for it to be. With many individuals doing this, reality isn't real. But a mirage. And the battle isn't to bring peace or make things right, but to have their mirage be the strongest, to make it reality. So to hell with it. Let my soul slumber for now, to heal itself from what it's seen. The good isn't enough. Too much hate and darkness pollutes life. When my hide is thicker, when my hold on his mirage is stronger, I will aim to disperse it, to clear the fog. But what if at the end, my reality is nothing but my own mirage? One too weak to bring joy?

When will you learn to keep your mouth shut?
Continuously you shout and spit on others.
Don't you see that that which you hate the most is what you really are?
A ****,a  loner, a bully.

Ever wonder why you're so alone?
It is because all you do is lash out and sting those who love you.
Anyone wishing to get past your barriers, you strike without remorse.

Finished crying out your eyes?
Bending to the will of the blades?
Confirm what we all know.
You're weak and a coward.
Too selfish to see beyond yourself.
Happy now that you have no one?

When will you see things as they really are?
You are nothing.
Only a broken waste of space.
The ones that you love, also loved you.
An ungrateful *****.
Do you honestly believe that bleeding will keep them here?

Are you finally pleased?
You lost everyone that could possibly love you.
Now that you have nothing.
Not even the blade to comfort you.
What will you do?
Dying would be too easy.
Not enough punishment.
So live a life that is dead and filled with agony.
You brought this upon yourself.

My pain is real
Its not a mirage of the mind
My scars do not lie
They scream the words that I am too weak to say

These open wounds you see,
They do not yell for attention,
No, they are a release
A gate away from this blistering agony

My tears shed are something rare to see
They reveal something long forgotten
A piece thought to have been lost

These words written,
Express a being thought to be dead,
A boy who I thought I killed many years ago
They hold the pain of the years endured and cried
They hold the broken pieces of my heart

This key to my heart is long lost
No way of breaking the walls of stone
This soul forever hidden

No heat can melt this heart of steel
Deep inside only frost and power,
Not even the brightest of stars can thaw this being

This shattered broken boy rebuilt at last
The strongest of hammers can't break him again
Rebuilt to his formal power and glory
No man alive can hurt him again

Can you see them?
The cracks, they are growing
How long before I shatter?

I'm falling to pieces, do I hide it well?
With dark circles and bags beneath my eyes
Can I make it through another day on my feet

So paranoid and cold as usual
Does no one see the truth?
With so many lies, how long can I keep this act up

I'm breaking from the inside out
On a path of self-destruction
Will I open up to stop the breaking, for self-preservation?

These shields are rotting,
My defenses falling
Will anyone strike mow that I'm so vulnerable?

What's happening to me?  
I thought I was stronger but my mind betrays me,
My scars shout in vengeance

I'm falling, breaking down
Finally reached my end
Is this where my story ends?

I was hurting,
Crying and licking my wounds
But now in its place is bitterness and resentment
You weakened me
But soon I found power in it
Now don't apologize,You made me stronger in the end

I pour my heart on these pages, soak the pain in ink and let the strokes be seen. Each line that I sketch, is another line that was stitched on my heart. Every tear drop that falls, makes the paint come alive. Each color that joins, they mourn my love. The graphite that spreads, it cloaks these words. Each page holds, another secret to be told. Another love story to behold.

Love may be wonderful,
But it's always let me down

Actually we created it, love without realizing it. When we could think, when our minds held more than just primal instincts, our thoughts were born. And with these thoughts came our emotions: Greed, hate, pain, joy and yes, even love. If we were simple beasts with no thoughts, then we wouldn't be able to feel love. But we're not simple brutes. We're creatures who can think and feel things that very few other species can. Yet, if love is born from thought, does that mean that when a wild mother risks her life for her offspring, that that's not love? That sacrificing oneself for another isn't driven by love, even amongst animal? Or perhaps their will to live, the will for their species to not end is just too vast, that the animals simply sacrifice their one life, so that their offspring, many more lives may live and continue with that one race. But we refuse to accept it as we wish to believe that love, if anything is the one thing that's real.