Wading in the murky puddle
You search for it
You thirst for it
The purified water
The clean elixir

The mud slows you down as the anxiety builds
Soon desperation has sunk its fangs

Yearning for the far out of reach clear elixer
You land on your knees
Crying to the heavens
Agonizing over your parched, burning throat

You collect the tears unseen,
Drink your own toxins hoping to sedate the fire
Instead you strengthen the resentful flames

All you see is the puddle you're wading through,
Suffering, dying, searching for Life's ichor
Never once looking up,
Never truly opening your eyes
Never once catching glimpse of the enormous lake up ahead with clean water

This key to my heart is long lost
No way of breaking the walls of stone
This soul forever hidden

No heat can melt this heart of steel
Deep inside only frost and power,
Not even the brightest of stars can thaw this being

This shattered broken boy rebuilt at last
The strongest of hammers can't break him again
Rebuilt to his formal power and glory
No man alive can hurt him again

I pour my heart on these pages, soak the pain in ink and let the strokes be seen. Each line that I sketch, is another line that was stitched on my heart. Every tear drop that falls, makes the paint come alive. Each color that joins, they mourn my love. The graphite that spreads, it cloaks these words. Each page holds, another secret to be told. Another love story to behold.

Can you see them?
The cracks, they are growing
How long before I shatter?

I'm falling to pieces, do I hide it well?
With dark circles and bags beneath my eyes
Can I make it through another day on my feet

So paranoid and cold as usual
Does no one see the truth?
With so many lies, how long can I keep this act up

I'm breaking from the inside out
On a path of self-destruction
Will I open up to stop the breaking, for self-preservation?

These shields are rotting,
My defenses falling
Will anyone strike mow that I'm so vulnerable?

What's happening to me?  
I thought I was stronger but my mind betrays me,
My scars shout in vengeance

I'm falling, breaking down
Finally reached my end
Is this where my story ends?

It's when my emotions are pure and vivid that I need to write before I need to bleed. I'm here sitting in front of the fire, watching the flames flicker; it consumes the wood. Just how I wish to die, my souls engulfed and I cry a silent cry. The tears you can't see, are buried deep inside of me. My horrid past, why can't it burn and never exist? I hate my life, my mother I lost her. She doesn't want me; hates the being that I've become. She can't accept me. My brothers who I raised, who in a way became my sons, will I ever see them? If I don't love my mother, at least I know that I do love my brothers.
I wish I'd never spoken, that I'd still be in my lonely prison within me, I wish I'd done what my mother wanted; after all, she's just as misunderstood as me. She's innocent, the cruel world has just confused her. But does that justify the hell she's put me through? does it erase the tears I shed, the abuse I lived?
My old crutch the blade, it tantalizes me with sweet relief. But that's part of the past.
Part of the hell I now live in. The battle's inside, no one knows but I'm at war. I'm being torn apart, but this time, it's on my own accord. what do I want? My old life with my mom and brothers? And to have to weep the silent tears and fight the blade? To hold back, take refuge deep inside? Or Move on, leave all of them behind. To start again, alone?...
The fire it burns bright, the heat, it's so pure. Death I see in the embers; life reborn in the ashes; the fire comes to an end. Where does that leave me? A troubled teen staring at ashes? Or a fool that doesn't know how to live again; awoken from the living dead and to speak among the living. I take a gulp of air. Of life, I'm alive and though I've suffered, time to light a new flame. Make it bright and hot. Let it burn and light the night. To rise from the ashes and Burn Bright.

Actually we created it, love without realizing it. When we could think, when our minds held more than just primal instincts, our thoughts were born. And with these thoughts came our emotions: Greed, hate, pain, joy and yes, even love. If we were simple beasts with no thoughts, then we wouldn't be able to feel love. But we're not simple brutes. We're creatures who can think and feel things that very few other species can. Yet, if love is born from thought, does that mean that when a wild mother risks her life for her offspring, that that's not love? That sacrificing oneself for another isn't driven by love, even amongst animal? Or perhaps their will to live, the will for their species to not end is just too vast, that the animals simply sacrifice their one life, so that their offspring, many more lives may live and continue with that one race. But we refuse to accept it as we wish to believe that love, if anything is the one thing that's real.

We're two sides of the same coin. You're the sun that draws people in, who may temporarily be clouded, but who always manages to shine. When the skies get cloudy and you are hidden from view, you're gone for a bit but you're still there, shining, burning, living on. I'm the moon. I'm not always whole, not always here. Sometimes you only see a small sliver of me, sometimes you don't even see me at all. But you'll never see my dark side, for what I hide won't be revealed. Many faces I hold, sometimes you see my red, my blue, my yellow but most of all my silver. Because I shine too. Not as bright as you, but I too am here, shining on through the dark while you burn in the beautiful canvas.

These silver lines that marr my skin aren't a sign of weakness
They are the marks left from my battles
They show my struggle
These scars that cover my body show that I never gave up
My scars are just reminders of my struggle to live
And to never lose hope

Open wounds that open the gates of hell
That is our story
Our forbidden chapters lie withing our bruises
Withing these silver lines

You see the smiling faces
But do you see that there's no light in our eyes?
Do you see the boiling darkness in them instead?
Or do you choose to ignore it

We lie to the world
And society brands us
Labeling us as the outcasts
Truth be told, we're more human
Because we know true pain

Words that paint a lovely scenery
It's our art
We seek to be in control
All we can control is how much blood to spill
All we know is the gleaming double edge sword

You preach at us
To Hell we'll burn
But we're already there
We write our stories in crimson words
The Blood Diaries, who will find them?
When?

You call us weak
Call us attention ******
But you think of frauds when you speak
The ones truly suffering are the ones smiling
The ones who try to heal others
The ones who smile brightest
The ones who laugh  hardest

Don't judge us
First read our Blood Diaries
See our pain
Know the secrets we hold
The burden we carry
Walk in our shoes
And then you'll see just how strong we are

All I ever wanted was to be protected
To have someone who could defend me
All I ever did was fight on my own
A war of all against one

Always thought I needed no one
Didn't think I could be so weak again
But seeing you proved me wrong
Where were you when I needed you?
Did you not care that your son fought the world alone?

Wore the mask each day
Told the lies to everyone
Until even I believed them
But the nightmares came,
Where all I had was myself
No one to show me what it meant to be a man

With no role model,
I found my own path
I pretended to not care,
But instill cried when I heard you never wanted me, you left me for them

You as much as my mother both broke before I could even stand
You took away my parents
Left me to myself
Stole the arms which were meant to hold me when the storm came

Well the storm had passed
And I still needed you
But now, it's I who doesn't want you
So leave again
You're a stranger
Nothing but another disappointment
Just a long forgotten nightmare

Love may be wonderful,
But it's always let me down

Evil has molded me to who I am
Darkness the keeper of my heart for too long;
I'm sorry, this is what I've become

I see fear in my mothers eyes
No warmth nor love lies in them

They sealed me in the hell I wish to escape,
Threw the key away, certain that I can't change

My soul has been corrupted pitch black
My stance is that of a belligerent demon

This monster within, is not who I truly am
Just the face that Evil has given me
Just the path that Darkness has chosen for me

My eyes are a darker brown,
Soiled with the horrors of reality
Cold to the core

My eyes hide in shadows,
Weaving lies of secrecy as they plot my next route to safety,
They calculate every move

My eyes are intriguing
The color not simple to tell
Their intentions not easy to see

These eyes shed tears,
They fight them to no avail
These eyes hold a darkness to them
These eyes show the hurt of accumulated pain


These eyes only show a beautiful gold of fiery hazel when the light hits them,
They show beauty and potential that has been long forgotten
They show the innocence thought to be gone

My eyes are dark and cold,
These eyes are difficult to understand
My eyes are cold and cunning,
These eyes are misunderstood
My eyes show pain and agony,
These eyes show a potential of beauty

He struggles to drag the pencil
Can't find the strength to pick up the brush
Falls into the pure canvas

How can he depict the colors that haunt him
The vivid oils that torment him

With shaking hands,
The pen floats above the untainted
To smear the dark ink would be to sin

Tears are all the empty canvas take
No polluted graphite to smear it
Paint won't wound the prestine white

Preserve the innocent
Protect the untainted
Even if it's a lie,
Even if under the surface colors reign in chaos

My life is sometimes difficult and at times hell. There are people in my life that want me to give up. That make my life miserable. But my pride is bigger than my desire to give up. I refuse to give up. To be weak and let the world win. I will continue to fight, continue to struggle. So that one day I can smile with ease; have a smile that's real. Lose the pain inside, and shine as bright as my passion.

My love
I gave all to you
I hoped and prayed for the best

Yet you've failed me
With greed and pride
You stand against all I loved
You chose yourself

You forgot my sacrifices
All that was given for you
A cancerous tumor

You were loved
You were cherished
But ultimately you were a disease

Dear Hypnos,
Why must you torment me so?
Your malicious abandon leaves me starving,
On the verge of desperation and madness
Crying and begging for salvation

Though much desired, your embrace is anything but salvation
The sweet sensation of peace is shortlived as you exhume long-forgotten corpses and demons
To ravage and feast upon my sanity, corrupting and devouring the last of my innocence

My beloved Hypnos,
I can't help but loathe as much as I love
What choice am I left with but to embrace this wicked hell
So I'll accept the droughts and starvation, the demons and torture
All to simply have you, my cruel love

Lost myself, fell from once mighty throne
Became a fragile glass boy
Yet I never gave up
Kept on fighting
Even if in the end I made mistakes

Always hidden, mysteries that held power
Lost it all as my castle crumbled
I became human
Yet I still fought this war
Belligerent as ever, I strove to win
Although I only ended losing almost all that I love

Always smirking, confidence on display
All faded away
As the truth arose
It was all fake, lies I made to stay strong,
Still cried when I accepted the truth
Still stood as tall as possible,
Awaiting the next challenge,
Even though I failed

Once feared and hated,
Others began to sympathize when they learn of my silver scars,
The weakness was on display
And I began to seek help
Let those in who loved me
Put each broken glass back together
Still cracked, but strong enough to stay together

Open the Gates of Hell and let the Storm free
Fill the Void with the Insatiable
Replace the darkness with the flames of Destruction
Let's dance in the Chaos of the End

Bathe in the harsh light of the Forsaken
Embrace it all
Succumb to the inevitable

Break the Seal which protects the balance
Let it all go and drown in it
Allow Chaos to finally manifest
For the Undesirables to sing their truths

Open the Gates of Hell and let the Storm free
Fill the Void with the Insatiable
Replace the darkness with the flames of Destruction
Let's dance in the Chaos of the End
For once, loosen your grip and fall into the chasm
Be engulfed with the ugly Truth within

Don't fall into the dark
You can't lose your soul and believe no one loves you
I love you and I'll mend those broken cracks

Don't hate those around you
You can't keep hurting those that try to get close
I'll save you and teach you something other than pain

Don't cry yourself to sleep
Your tears they drown you amongst your sorrows
I'll fish you out and save you
With me, waking up everyday would be a breath of fresh air

Don't do it
The blades selfish and only cares for the thirst your blood gives it
I'll kiss your scars away
You won't need to suffer by my side,
I'd protect you from your demons

Taste the crimson wine
Savor the agony that swirls within the glass
These ****** tears that fall
Hold the story of failure
Enjoy the bitter taste of pain that burns
These tears, oh how they turn into wine

Opened eyes that see so little
Cataracts of cynicism cloud your life
You preach about how you see reality
Yet you fall prey to your own illusion

Denied of a life of warmth and light
You bear the burden of your own grudge
Struggling with the pain
Baring your fangs to all who come near you

Pride that's shallow
It leads the way to solitude
Are your broken beliefs worth this much?
Has your anger tainted you beyond repair?

Strength that is a fraud
You stand tall with those blind eyes ablazed
That power of yours is nothing more than a lie to hide your pain

We're on the same ship
Sailing through vicious storms
Bearing through the cold dark

But we're landing on different shores
Seeing different worlds
Walking different paths

Bottle after bottle
Liquor can't save you
No escape

Unprovoked attacks
To redirect your anger
The disappointment you can't evade

Ashamed of what you once were
Tried to wash your hands
But the muddy water didn't evaporate

Haunting you everyday
The shadow of pain
You can't run from who you were

No matter how much to close your eyes
Things won't change
I'm here to stay
The hurt you hate

I welcomed the pain
Shrouded myself in self loathing
I forged my armor in the coals of my anger
Soaked my blade in a well of tears

I made my suffering my power
Found strength in being broken

Fighting through,
I never backed down,
Always kept pushing
Bearing my teeth to all who stood in my way

But when there's no one left to fight,
How can I cling onto my pain?
The one thing that made me strong
Will eventually dissipate
And all that'll be left, is to find strength elsewhere

I've been told before that wisdom comes from time
A lie as mine came from pain

What she asks for is something that she denied herself
With her slurred words, she sealed the doors
With every insult she got ****** into the darkness

My mind is a labyrinth, one that she desperately tries to decipher
With every bruise she makes a wrong turn
With every drop of crimson wine she falls into the black

Who she wants to know is someone who she pushed away
She doesn't know him, doesn't know that her flames become extinguished in his ocean of resentment

My heart is locked away and sealed, the key, something that must be earned
A key she frantically searches for
She tries to knockdown the walls, to make the door crumble
But her fists just make them all the stronger

When will she understand who she searches for is dead?
The undead left behind is unknown to her and she'll never know him because she can't **** him like she did with her son,
He's just a shell, a piece of battle armor brought to life

My life is not hers to command,
The boy who she seeks to dictate died,
I'm all that's left
And I will be in control of my life
Finally, ending her tyranny

If only you saw what I truly think, what I feel. Perhaps, we are the same, but we'll never know. I scare myself. I fear my thoughts, what I truly fear is what I see in my reflection. When I veer into the dark, and do harm, I get joy, not regret. I want to go farther, to do more damage, to sedate the sick thirst for which I crave for. To go further, until I've reached the bottom. The lack of pity, compassion, love, and sympathy scare me. Maybe I've believed my own lies, but I like to think there's an end to this. That this reflection isn't all that I am. That perhaps, there is good in the person who I see in the mirror.

Inspiration is a fire that burns from within. Just let the flame be born inside you and have it course through you to ignite your world.

I've lost that innocent spark
Lost that light I once had
I've grown cold to the touch
Grown dead inside

It's how I feel all the time. As if I stand alone even when I have friends who care and will defend me, I feel as if I can't trust them. That even though they'll expose their soul, heart and darkest secrets, I can't because they simply won't understand, care, or see how I feel. I'm in a prison and my cell is my mind. My warden is the solitude that seals the pain hidden behind the silver scars I have. Each tear shed is just a sign of weakness I must hide from all because if I show that I'm human, feel, care, love, hurt, and cry, everyone will be disappointed and look down at me. That I can't shred their image of me. That I am strong enough to be their Savior, when in fact, I'm slowly crumbling in the dark. And the only proof of it would be hidden within my art, poetry, and silver mistakes.

Done showing you my soul
No longer will I pour my love to you
Done chasing a distant dream
No longer will I sink the blade deeper
Done holding you in my heart
No longer will I let you hurt me

I was just showing my heart, it's like glass. It's cold, see through, and fragile. Push hard enough, and it will shatter. Shower it with light, and it will shine. Hide it in the dark, and it'll show your monsters.

Love is tricky and difficult. It can be marvelous and heal all wounds, or it can create a canyon so vast in one that one falls into the dark abyss. Love may not always be reciprocated, but just to feel it is a lucky thing, to receive it an even more precious treasure. But to love a friend is to suffer the most, yearn the most, care the most, love the most.

Am I just you punching bag?
Scream, yell, holler
I'll take it all
But for how long?

Insults upon insults
Scarred flesh, bruised hearts
Hit, punch, scratch
I'll endure it all
But for how long?

Mistreated life, a silent hell
I've kept your ***** secrets
Burned my lips shut to protect you
Bleeding, crying, dying
But for how long will I keep this up?

Losing my mind
Falling apart
Screaming, laughing, deteriorating
I seek vengeance
I plot, pace, and act
But for how long will I lose my mind?

I break and fall
Choose the wrong path purposely
Choose to poison my life
All to see you weeping, begging, falling
But for how long will this painful hate lie in my shattered heart?
For how long...

Sometimes we wish to forget, to not remember those faces that no longer want us. We hate being part of past that they want to hide. Hate being thrown away as if our feelings don't matter. We try to shove those memories away because we know that we are the only ones who treasure them. But in the end, we're just left with bitter memories of happier times.

You dig them up from the grave, you send them to break my resolution
You always bring on the streams of pain

Never once cared to show love
You're a rusted blade that digs deeper with every insult

You bring down my masks
Show the true face behind the smiles the laughs
Breaking down my walls is what you do

Never once did show pride in me
You cut through the stitches
Reach the veins to slice them all

You make me back to that little boy who wanted love
******* me down
You take my strength away is what you do

Always bringing rage in the end, its all been about you
As you burn deeper into my bone your thirst rises

Rage is what you instill in me, leaving behind a shadow of resentment
You put out the fire which I worked so hard to light up is what you do

Never bringing hope, always at the bottom  of the darkness
You're just another rusted blade
Another cursed scar

The silent ones are targeted
Not because they are weak
But because they're the strongest ones
The ones who see all
Know all
Keep ***** secrets guarded
And suffer in the light of the moon

The silent ones are the ones to be wary off
Their eyes see into your soul
Their pain builds and builds
And when their soul is finally broken
They will destroy all

The silent ones are the ones forgotten
Not because they are unimportant
But because they're the ones with powerful words that are never spoken
They hold the most wisdom
Analyze the most
Think the most

My heart's been broken, long before it was opened. When it was opened, it was consumed by the darkness that had broken my heart. And when my heart broke, my mind had closed to block the pain.

Through the heart it goes
Through the soul does it hurt

The secret kept in
The pain it holds
The lies the dark mind spews

In love was this foul act committed
And through guilt will it burn the very being

Will he speak?
Will he brand himself?
Or will he remain in silence till death?

Let god know of his cowardice
Of his malevolent character
Integrity?
Not here with this man who holds the truth
The power, the secret that is vital as it is painful

May god show no pity on his soul
He'll burn in hell
Re-love the very moment that at its time was heaven, but now is the very hell

His secret,
Their dark act,
Her end,
My secret

We all have a light on our hearts. Some call it love, others call it our will to live. I call it hope. I have hope, I hold it close. It's what drives me to keep fighting. What makes everyday worth the fight. I hope to be better, to be good. But like there's light in us, there's also darkness. Some have none or just a bit. Others are filled with nothing but it. I have an abundance of it. I try to rid myself of it, but it's who I am. I try to fight, but I know the truth. It's still inside, in every thought, in every breath I take. Darkness lives in me. I know there's some good in me, but the darkness that I hide so well from others blisters inside. I fear what I might do if I fall into the dark. Perhaps I push those close away to protect them. Or perhaps I do it to protect myself. Either way, the truth is that there's darkness in me. You don't see what's down below, what burns my soul. The screams you will never hear, its all hid quite well. So you can't speak unless you've seen my soul, heard my thoughts, felt what boils inside. See my soul, judge my soul. See my mask, pity the mask.

A lost puppy, lost his home where he belongs
***** and unkempt, the pup hides in the shadows,
Looking for a matter that can show love

With an injured paw he searches for anything to quench his hunger
Finds none as night falls

Though the pup whimpers and cries, he goes back
Injured, hungry, and lost, he goes back to the monster he calls master

Even out in the rain with still no food nor warmth,
The pup remains loyal
For it's his love for his master that keep him alive

What good is the glue if the broken pieces are missing?

You chose the bottle over your family
You made promises you couldn't keep
Drank into oblivion
To numb your pain you let us drown in your drunken sorrow

I chose the blade over you
Chose to cut all ties to not feel pain
I bled all the toxins out
To live without love I gave you all my freezing indifference

The meaning to life is simply to reproduce our own species and ensure our survival. But as human beings, we are intelligent enough to see this and this depresses us so we search for a deeper meaning, a meaning that only those with thoughts could understand, aka humans. And some believe that the meaning of life is to find happiness, to live it to the fullest, to find love. They do this just to not accept the depressing reality. Life is depressing, there's no doubt about it but my view on it is that we cling to life a little while longer, searching for that something that makes life worth it, that something that interests us and makes us wanna be alive. Whether that be money, love, *** or Peace, we search for it to bring some meaning into our lives. Because without that something, we'd realize how tedious our lives truly are. I live not because I want to, but because I'm waiting for that something special to catch my eyes

Love will either shackle you in misery, or liberate you. It's a double edge blade with two possible outcomes. The better of the two isn't always the one that pierces our hearts.

I just bear through and endure because after the dark storm that tempts me with false promises of sweet release, I realize that after the dark storm, the clouds part to reveal the sun or moon and shine light and hint on a beauty that says that it gets better.