the hate
comes from every angle
but mostly from the heart
in spite of glaring
desperation
that leaves the
lawn uncut;
as if littered driveways
and starving dogs
justify another term
of stolen wealth

I lost my St.Christopher in the high-rise brawl.
A...one-sided affair which I used to my advantage
To get a day off from school. Even now I think
About searching through the grass that has seen
A thousand residents since. Felt the pain
Of losing my father’s necklace more
Than the boot over my head.
I never threw a punch at anyone.
I did not want to let go of anything
If I could never take it back.
Sticks and stones, sticks and stones,
Sticks and stones is all that they give you
To tell you that words can do the same.

I loaded myself with cheap wine and cigarettes.
****** out of my bedroom window
Every time I was depressed and drunk.
Which... happened a lot.
Even now I think about crazed moments
As if they have stopped occurring.
As if I have stopped collecting
Ornaments of delirium
That stare me out through every move.
Laughing at the mirror when I realise who I am.
The loneliness of a satellite:
Forever turning the Earth without a place.

I lost my sanity on the wrong side of the bar.
On the wrong side of love,
Strong belief that I am always in the right.
Strong belief that I will never get too far.

I spend far too much time
pondering
the saddest parts of life
harboring
the smallest of worries,
finding refuge in the fear.

I desire release
To another dream

12:02  in the night
and I miss the other 12:02-s
with you and Dylan’s blues
and no words sometimes
just with the drinks in which we were drowning, but we wouldn't let
each other die.

12:02 in the night
and I am trying to hold your voice somewhere
in the corner of my mind,
but it fades away with every second.
I'm trying to remember the way your left eye would smile
everytime after I’d kiss it,
the way you used to write my body down on random pieces of paper,
the nights in the bars,
the smoke of cigars,
the tissues on which we would write our love,
the morning coffee,
your body next to mine,
your dreams, my tears, your trains,
the station where I've waited for you
so many times,
the way your fingers would touch my skin,
the words,
the flowers,
your shirt covering my body in the morning,
your heart,
that night at the beach,
or the sunrises.
I'm trying to remember
the “you and I”,
the we

I'm trying to remember when did we give up
saving each other
from drowning to death.

There he left me
Discarded
Without a word
Like a broken glass on the sidewalk
Pieces every which way.

Jagged little fragments
With no intention
Or possibility
Of putting itself back together.

I'm losing faith.