It's a fortune cookie religion,
Where we abide by our own truths

We crack them open in the kitchen,
And spill out our papers of youth

We count our lucky numbers,
As we count our own turns of fate

It's a crystal sugar altar now,
And this cookie is my soulmate

We sit here waiting for the technology of the future
We write about flying cars and time travel

We create paradoxes in our heads,
as we dream of paradoxes beyond us

We learn about the past and worry about what's coming
We think we know what's in store and we think we're in control.

I wonder if they sat around waiting for Da Vinci,
in a pre Mona Lisa world

I will always cry for broken glass

and, broken reflections..
that never could last

I will always fall down on my knees
and soften the ground
for those bigger than me

I will always look fear in the eyes
and banish deceitful truths
in exchange for hidden lies

I will always return back to your home
and sit beside you
although feeling alone

I will always ask for a chance to die
and take death as a gift
for my life is a lie

I will always cry for burning sand
and bow before it
to lend it a hand

I will always cry for broken glass

tough but fragile
and..no..turning..back

I swear I'm not from this planet,
I swear I'm not from earth

I promise you with all my heart,
I must be an alien

because I am different,

because I am the same.

The roar of the train grew louder and louder
A growing rhythm beating through my ears

The blood in my skin was growing
The lights racing towards me glowing

I went blind as it halted before me
I went deaf as the doors squealed open

My senses went numb as my nerves let go
I was on a track that no one could know

My ticket was clipped like a piece of my soul
My seat was found and welcomed me poorly

The train took off, not a passenger insight
The conductor disappeared and in came the night

The chair enclosed around my skin
The light at the end came closer

Most people are forced to see it without a say or a voice
I only was there, for it was my choice

I became one with the train racing to my death
And my problems became one with the passengers I left behind

Where others feel ignored,
I feel painfully visible

Where some may seem neglected,
I seem not worth neglecting

Where you might feel useless
I feel a use not good enough for using

I'd rather be invisible

Today I wasn't good
But I said I was.

I'm sure you did too,

Were you good?

I could jump in that puddle
If I wanted to

I could scream and disturb everyone
If I wanted to

I could spill this coffee everywhere
If I wanted to

I could grab that chair and flip it over
If I wanted to

I could grab these scissors and cut my hair off
If I wanted to

I could take my shirt off this very second
If I wanted to

But I don’t
Nobody’s stopping me
They could if they wanted to
But they don’t
I’m stopping me
Because I want to

I've never been a feminist
I've always ignored any possible pay gap

I've never attended a march
I've always felt like inequality belongs in the 1800s

I've never been opposed to a man holding my door
I've always felt like I was better off ignoring the movement

I've never stayed updated on the Me Too stories
I've always felt like half of the women were lying anyways

I've heard of patriarchy
Yet never fought against it

But now I'm startled
Because it wasn't until today

that I even knew Matriarchy was a word

Have you ever heard of Planet B?

It’s the one with the beautiful blue oceans,
Crystal smooth water pouring on forever

It’s the one with the soft blue sky’s,
Dark star lit nights and clouds of all shapes and sizes

It’s the one with all the plants,
Tall looming trees, coral reefs hidden from your touch, and precious delicate flowers

It’s the one with all the animals,
Birds flying, fish swimming, cheetahs running

It’s the one without the humans
It’s the one we say we’re all gonna escape to when Planet A cant take care of us anymore

It’s the one that many of us say isn’t real
It’s the one many of us say we’ll never find
It’s the one we’re standing on right now
It’s the one called Earth

You are taught to scream into your pillow,
So nobody can hear it.

You are taught to smother it in your punches,
So you can relieve your anger.

I haven’t screamed in a long time now
There’s a buildup of pain in my throat
It’s forgotten how to let itself out

I’m walking down the streets every morning
Wondering how so many people live so many lives

I’m overwhelmed

The pillow in my mind
It’s white
It’s fluffy
And suddenly I’m muffled

This is a letter to brown eyed girls
I know you’ve heard the love songs and seen the movies
I know you’ve been confronted by them in your own life

I know you’ve seen the blue that reflects the depths of the ocean
I know you’ve succumbed to how easy it would be to swim in them

I know you’ve heard the rumors about how they light up when they laugh
I know you’ve seen the life they hold even when all the salt is drained out of them

But I know more than that, I know the things you could never know yourself

I know that the power of melting gold is only something you will ever have
I know that mystery is better when you look at something and can’t see what’s there

I know that the reason people are afraid of the dark is because they can’t understand it
I know the ocean isn’t warm the way a hot fudge sundae is

I know that when the sun is laid upon you, you light up uncontrollably
I know this fire that burns within you is eternal

I know that your eyes allow you to stay hidden and that although you might not stand out in a crowd, your secrets will only be deciphered by those who care enough to search for them

You are deep, you are wisdom, you are mystifying and you are power
A power so buried that even you can’t see it
A power that doesn’t have to shine to be potent
A power that only girls like you have
This is a letter to brown eyed girls

You consume me
I'm not stopping you

You're stabbing me
Because I'm asking you

I'm hurting you
By letting you hurt me

and i see it
i do
but im not stopping

this is the one with the good memories
this is the one with the awful tears
this is the one with the old beginnings
this is the one with the most fears

this is the one where I work to win
this is the one where we only lose
this is the one where I try to hate again
this is the one where my hate's a bruise

this is the one where you hurt me
this is the one where I let you
this is the one where I'm crazy
this is the one that always feels new

this is the one when my heart breaks
this is the one when things go well
this is the one when I find my voice
this is the one when I can not yell

this is the one where I'm pressured
the one where I want to scream
the one where if I express myself I'll lose you,
and everything we gained right in between

that was the one where I lost my rhyme
this is the one with you and me
this is the one where you're the real you
but that last one was the only one I see

Every time your laugh breaks,
Mine starts

Every time I open my eyes,
They get caught on yours

Every time I dream,
You break your way in

Your words fit into mine,
they own me

Your voice is high where mines low
it soothes me

Every time you smile
Something tugs at my lips

Every time I walk
It's towards you

Every time you think
I want to read you

You're perfectly molded to accept me
I'm made just to be with you
Our personalities beat only in unison

Yet, something about us will always be missing

We're two puzzle pieces and I've lost one of my edges
I'm broken, but only where you break me

There was a brown haired regional manager on my tv screen
There was an empty Reese’s blizzard cup in my left hand
There was my mother still out front of the house in her car

And

There was my college bound brother sitting on the couch watching alone

I began walking up the wooden staircase
Making my way to my room

The place where I would
Shut my door
Grab my phone
And leave my family behind like always

I’m telling you this without a sigh
And I’m telling you this with no regrets
The story of a staircase

An after ice cream staircase
On an after ice cream night

A staircase my feet didn’t touch  
As I chose to sit on a couch
And spend silently spent and silently recognized time
With my silently recognized role model

And that has made all the difference

I have curtains over my eyes
You can’t see them,
But I know that they’re there

They don’t allow my eyes to close and open,
But they allow me to decide what I should truly let into my perception

In the back of my mind, there is a shelf
It holds memories from a long time ago

These memories are how I remember
And they are how others forget who I am

In my throat, you will find a trap door
It’s locked and not even I have the key

Sometimes it opens to let in a breath of fresh air,
Yet it closes when it deems it most safe

Buried down in my heart is a stone
It weighs me down and holds many things

I can’t pick the stone up to see what’s there
But I know something that heavy must hold something important

My brain has become a home of my imagination
My body is now a place where anatomy is obsolete

I only hold objects and things that I can never see
And never touch
So that when one day when I fade away, there will be nothing left for anyone to find

I have a brightness deficiency
Forever forgetting a world without darkness

My whole life is over saturated
******* all the good parts out until they are all that you see

I have a papery polaroid heart beating inside my chest
Its colors are faded, as they should be

I turn the lights on,
Brighter and Brighter and Brighter
All I see is dusk

I rely on stars and sunlight
Trying to open my eyes wide enough so they can see like everyone else

Maybe my flash is broken
Or I'm the one draining out all the light

You’ll never know anything
Not anything thought by a person
But it can’t make you better and it won’t allow you to worsen

Nobody will know, never anyone at all
Will never know anything
If not proven by law

You’ll never know anything
If it is not a fact
Trust doesn’t exist, nor does any pact

What you choose to believe, think or feel
None of it’s guaranteed, none of its real

I can’t say it’s fake or say it’s not true
I can’t call it a lie but neither can you

There are many things we will never know
But we’ll always think we do
Or is that even so

Dark black
Long time no sees
Or blue and soft

Sandy blonde
Very natural
And a blue-green point of view

Tan skin
Second hand sweaters
Wirsts adorned and decorated

She only makes sense to herself
But she makes everything for everyone else

She’s Lucy

The bottom of my feet have scars on them now
Im burning

Men with shovels
Lining up to pour dirt
They grin as it packs in,
More and more, suffocating all my thoughts

In the ocean, I'm running
I can barely even move, but I stay there
I swim and try to breathe
My lungs fill with water and memories flood my mind

Suddenly a room
Packed with people,
I'm pushed and shoved against hundreds of warm bodies
I crash into walls as I hear the noises of others fabric tearing
I fall down and everything goes silent

My brain begins to collapse as the rest of me melts
My feelings dissolve and outsiders go blind
My eyes are frozen as glass and nothing can break through
My mind begins to shield me from the rest of the world

Inside my head I find my terror
Inside my head I find my escape

Every night I **** myself
Every night I die
Every night I look in the mirror and ask myself why

“Tell me, why are you doing this.”
“Tell me, why are you here.”
“Tell me if others love you, why can’t you love yourself as well”

Every single night I scream
Every night I fight
Every night I am attacked, caused by my own great fright

“Hey you, why do you work so slow and procrastinate”
“Hey you, why do you set goals you’re never gonna follow”
“Hey you, are you ever and I mean ever gonna be good at anything”

Every night a dark dark room
Every night it fills with suicide
Every night my bladed heart beats with ****** pride

“Stab yourself to control your weakness”
“Stab yourself to get rid of the pain”
“Stab yourself, it’s a punishment and a favor”

Every night I am up late
Every night my skin drips red
Every night my soul bleeds out and I feel the blood in my bed

“Let them, let the bad memories flood your brain”
“Let them, let them all be better than you”
“Let them, let them never know you’re effort”

Every morning I am awaken
Every morning I think about my life not taken
Every morning my body covered in scars
Every morning my pain trapped behind bars

Every morning I put on a smile
Every morning I am not fake
Every morning I find my new day worthwhile
Every morning I give and I take

Every morning my blood is dry
Every morning my skin sewn anew
Every morning I don’t have to lie
Every morning when the world is blue

I will be back again tonight
I’ll scream and twist and shout and fight
I’ll stab and cut until I die
And I’ll **** myself, at least I’ll try

The reaper I know, he’s come before
And tonight he’ll be back right at my door
We will rejoice together and soak up our sorrow
But then he’ll leave again tomorrow

Every night I know I die
So every morning I ask myself why
If every night I lie their dead
How am I now alive instead

Every morning given a second chance
And not even until night do I give it a thought or a glance
I am my own enemy and my own greatest strife
Every day I’m given a gift from my old friend life

Life, this is a love letter to you
For all the great things you’ve done and will do
Because I know I’ll **** myself tonight
But tomorrow morning I’ll be alright

Through all my living, you’ve given me a skill
I’ve cheated death once, and again I will

I’m not curious
I’m not thirsty for answers
I don’t need to know the things I do

My secret passions are not my own
My heart doesn’t lie in the heart of knowledge
I never wanted to know everything

My plan wasn’t to take it this far
But I’ve made it to the point of no return
You can’t learn this much and stop

But I promise you I’m not desperate
I’m not looking for anything-
Anything other than a cure
A cure for my worst fear

And I, well I fear boredom

The stars shine, light years pass
The birds sing, wings wide open
The sun blinks, darkness takes over

The sky supports the world
Atlas supports the sky
Strong, independent and alone
Or so we think...

People walk the earth
They breathe his air
They dance to his music
They take in his sights

Their joy is Atlas’s arms
Their happiness supports him
They hold up Atlas,
So he can hold up things to hold them

Her bones are frail
Her face is porcelain
Yet her memories are the youngest thing about her

The day she fell, she shattered
Broken into a million pieces,
Her own glass stabbed her in the heart

So long ago, but something she will always remember
The scars help, but the lingering pain helps more
Put back together now, she's still the same person from another time                    

The little girl inside her remembers every word
Good and Bad
She may not remember how the memories occurred
Yet she knows exactly how they felt

She will never remember her first smile, first tear or first laugh
Although, she does know that one day when you go out to play.
You're going out to play for the last time

Even if, she'll never be able to know what that day was.

Batteries protruding out of my skin
Electricity stabbing me
Sharp like lightning
Shooting through my chest
My heart
My soul
My pen

I'm writing now
I'm poetically charged

I brush my teeth
I use the bathroom
I comb my hair

I pick a shirt
I find some socks
No they don’t match

I walk downstairs
I grab a drink
I eat my breakfast

The bus is here
I get my bag
I say goodbye

I tell her I love her
And I walk out the door
I lock it behind me and think

I wonder if she cries when I leave

I held on tight
We added more
First one, then two, then three
We kept it even
Now six on each side
You go up I go down
We smiled and rode
See
Seesaw

See
See Pain
See
See Beauty
See
See Work
See
See Life
See
See Age
See
See Loss
See
See Yourself
See
See Them
See
See The Kids
See
See Them Smile
See
See Them Play
See
See Not Seesaws
See
See Not hopscotch
See
See not swings
See
See not frien d s
See
See not real o n e s
See
See connection s d i e
See
See generations c h a n g e
See
See everythin g c h a n g e
See
See it all di s s a p e a r
See
See them forg e t h o w t o p la y
See
See  
See
See

I be me
Me I be

That Me-I-Be!
That Me-I-Be!
I do not like
That Me-I-Be!

Do you like?
setting yourself free

I do not like it
That Me-I-Be
I do not like
setting myself free

Would you like it
Here or there?

I would not like it
Here or There
I would not like myself
Anywhere
I do not like
being free
I do not like it
Me-I-Be

Would you like me if I was quiet?
Would you like me if I caused a riot?
I do not like me
Me-I-Be
I do not like
The being free
My choices when free don't seem up to me
I do not like it
That Me-I-Be

Miss. Shoe-wearer
In the house
Not this house
Not my house

Miss. Disrespectful
Scuffing up my floors
Bringing dirt into the carpet
Making loud noises as you step

Take them off, please
Take them off now
I said take them off.

"Chicken" he called out, "don't you remember?"
"You like beef" she shook her head "It's always been beef"
"College" he smiled "In college, I always ate chicken"

She nodded
She thought

"Well, you at least crunched it up" she reassured herself
"You crunched it up and ate it like soup"

"No. Never" his smile began to fade "That was you"
"Do you not remember?" he asked
My favorite food
Our wedding date, our romance, our love

I watched from the hall
This fight isn't real
These problems aren’t real enough
At least now I know why I like chicken ramen
And why I like it crunched

Clink Clink
A fork, a knife
A cork, it bounces
Soft velvet cloth

Sip Sip
A glass, a bottle
A napkin, it unfolds
Black leather heels

Vroom Vroom
A wheel, an engine
A key, it turns
Brown comfy seats

Flap Flap
A rod, a curtain
A moon, it shines
Person fast asleep

Scribble Scribble
A pen, a chair
A drawer, it opens
White lined paper

Our society is screaming
And you-you can’t *** here
Except…

You

Totally

Could

You know I wrote a poem once,
They said it wasn’t funny
They said it was too dark and symbolic
They said it should be more sunny

You know I wrote a poem once,
They didn’t like it one bit
They went on and on about how it didn’t rhyme
They threw one great big fit

You know I wrote a poem once,
They originally tried to discover the meaning
They soon enough decided it wasn’t fun anymore
They were hideous and awfully intervening

You know I wrote a poem once
I wrote it about them
I told them it would be upbeat and rhyme this time
Ha, but it didn’t

I was born in California,
but haven't been there since
So...have I ever really been?

When I was little, I took a trip to Mexico
But I don't remember one bit
So...does that even count?

Three years ago, I wrote down on my bucket list:
One day I want to see a firefly
I want to see it shine
And not just one, but hundreds
I want to see a whole swarm, delicate as fairies
Off on their mission to warn the world,
Nighttime has arrived

Two years ago, my mother found it and said to me:
What are you talking about,
Fireflies?
Why you and your brothers used to fly with them all the time
You would get a jar, probably one we called Mason even if it wasn't
And you would lock them up inside, prisoners
A type of Stockholm syndrome, where the captors are captivated by the captees

At that moment, I could have erased seeing fireflies from my bucket list and my dreams,
But I didn't
Because that little girl with the jar has lost herself,
and to find herself again... she MUST see a firefly

the thread was caught
stuck on mine
unraveling more and more
every second getting farther
yet closer at the same time

then the thread snapped
and it was done
back to before
but not like it never happened

eye contact
a precious thing
when you look At someone
you might let it sink in for a moment

others
they look away
to them eye contact is quick
a sudden dart of eyes towards and back

now eye contact
well it’s nothing like when your eye
when your eye gets caught
gets caught on another person's eye

you were not looking at them
they were not looking at you
but when moving your eyes or heads
your eyes simply gravitate towards each other

your eyes were like magnets that all of a sudden
all of a sudden were connected
neither of you tried
it just happened

this look is short
but it is not a dart
it’s a smooth move of the head
where for one second your eyes are one

the thread soon pulls itself back together
like rolling up a roll of toilet paper
you compose yourself
but for half a second you were the least composed you ever could’ve been.

You held my water in your hands
I wasn’t even thirsty yet

I placed a bucket below you,
To catch the water if it fell through the cracks

Her thoughts became your thoughts
When your thoughts were bored

Your brain would go to bed at night
And your dreams would come to find mine

She would only call me,
When nobody else would answer

I reached out to her
When nobody else was there

But, a ventilator can only keep a person going for so long

It’s crisp and it’s shallow and it’s deep
It moves softly and swiftly
It disappears, it wasn’t made for you

The clouds disperse as planes and birds move transparently
Little kids spinning in circles
First elephants, then flowers then people

You grab onto your hair as you walk in the direction of the wind
The world disguised in fog, then a quick puff and everything changes
Even with just the windows open, you can see your breath

Somewhere three bears set their food out to cool
A scent fills the air
People are drawn to it, a girl with golden hair

You grow up and you learn
Stratus, cirrus, cumulus
Soft long fortune tellers

Your not a child anymore,
These clouds aren’t served with meatballs
You're on your rocking chair now

There’s lemonade and ice and a straw
You think money, you think friends, you think summer
The nice ones would pull over in their car and stop

It’s hot outside, yet when they roll down their window
They are hit and they feel it
Life changes when the sky breathes