My life
Is like
A mosaic.

Shattered pieces
Fit together,
In hopes
To look
Beautiful.

When I was 5
My biggest fear was fire
And my biggest worry was if I had to go inside too early
The outside was an endless ground for games of all sorts
From war to hide and seek
We would play until the sun set
And the streetlights shined bright
My friends lived within seconds
We'd knock on one another's door multiple times
Until we could all come out and play

When I was 10
My biggest fear was a person
Tormenting me, screaming
and striking me until I'd break
I still feared fire but not because of dying
Simply because i knew it might not **** me
My biggest worry was having to wake up
Having to live another day in that house
Such a beautiful outside
The perfect hand-crafted family home
But that shell only hid horrific events within the fractured walls
I had no friends to save my sanity
Rotting from the inside out
A loving, child's heart demented and torn
Tattered and choked until every ounce of trust and happiness leaked out
I tried to go outside again but nature could only help me for so long
Before I returned to the nightmare that was my reality

When I was 15
I feared being alone
My hell had no ending
And my biggest worry was someone noticing the scars
traced along my body
It wouldn't matter if I cut too deep
If blood poured out and pooled beneath me
Both pain and death would solve the problem accordingly
I stayed inside
What was left of my imagination focused on either dying
Or on running far far away
My brain drowned in empty hopelessness
I gave up on the world and lost faith in everything
My savior appeared but not even she could **** the demons plaguing my mind

At 18 I left home
My biggest fear was returning again
My biggest worry was not ever being ok
Because I may had left the origin of evil
But it did not change what was in my head
The demons followed me everywhere
Stalking and striking at any hour
Draining me of hope and energy
Then I met my first love
A beautiful girl with gorgeous sapphire eyes
But she hid a dark soul beneath the beauty and I soon learned the dangers of loving your demons
At first she understood me,
Helped me through my addiction to the knife
But as quickly as she came, she changed into someone I feared
Because I knew I could never leave her
She possessed my heart so tightly within her poisonous grasp
Ripping it clear out of my chest
I feared I would ruin something again and end up alone
And one day she decided that I was no longer enough
That my entire being could not suffice to satisfy her sadistic needs
She drowned my heart for 6 months,
Shattering it completely 2 times
Before deciding to leave
But that love was built on *** and deceit
And though she claimed to love me
The searing pain coursing through my entire body
Was finally enough for me to see that
she did not know how to love

Now that I'm almost 20
My biggest fear is hurting my friends and family
Because I still never know when I could snap
My biggest worries are not making enough
Money for my life
Time for my friends
And love for my family
The universe has sent me a precious gift
Someone who knows love enough to share it with me
And though I'm still broken
Her beautiful heart helps mend my broken soul
With love and understanding
We have conquered over 7 months together
But I know she could still leave
This time the twisted beginning began from me
I broke her heart before I knew she gave it to me
And I know deep down she still resents me
But I deserve it
And she's worth it

Most days I know not who I am
Society labels me a 'girl'
But inside I know that's not me
I'm nothing,
A gender less, label less freak
And **** it hurts so bad
When they misgender me
Though I'm still too afraid to correct them
It's as though they twist a knife through my organs
Whenever they say 'she'
Who knew three letters
Could bring so much pain to me
Though I put the blade away, I turned to flames
Burning the nicotine into my lungs
Still begging not to wake up
Still thinking of death every day
Sometimes locking it out
And others inviting it in willingly
I guess Adulthood really hasn't changed a thing
I work until I can't stand it
But still cannot sleep
The depression burns more intense some days
But unlike everyone else in my life
*It never truly leaves

She only has a preference of men
Kudos for her
But i'll quit playing pretend
That i don't have a shot
And give it my all
No time to stall
I'll be there to break her fall
Romantic feelings or not
Civic duties, you know?
Can feel her radiance glow
Onto my vision
I look at her like nobody else
But when she's taken by somebody else
I let her be happy
But when that comes crashing down
(I never hope it would)
I'd be there to end the bleeding
Prevent her faith in men from receding
And show her how i make my swift moves
She's a beat i can't get out of my head
I'd hate to see her full of dread
If she never feels the same
Then there's no shame
But i'll give her a sample of my transparent game
You can take the end of my last name
(You read that right)
Anything for you, my dear
But if you'd like to stay friends
Than those feelings will gradually meet the end
But i'm optimistic in my endeavors
My heart won't accept being severed

I'll show her my side
I hope she'll like
Be the best friend
Be the best man
She's ever seen
I want to give her joyous chills down her spleen
From the enticing nature
Of my love

Her existence fits my needs like a glove
I'm easy to love
You doubt yourself but i like to bounce back
Tu es si grand je ne pensais jamais à quelqu'un d'autre pour être avec
Put those words on a recording and play them back
My loneliness is on the attack
But i quite like that

You don't like guys my type
But have you seen the way i type?
Baby, i can blow your mind
If there's even a slight interest there, i'll make the few inches go for a few vast miles.
At the end of the day, you're going to be wishing you would of found me sooner
Or reject me like a sorry sap i am
But in the end, the results are positive to me.

Bébé, ce cœur bat pour vous

*****?
Aren't you a big shrike?
Those "*****" are lady-like
And we can talk freely about other women and its not awkward
What's not to like?
Get that pike
Out of your rear
Because it's apparent
That you are not easy to like
By the way you label people nastily
It's not appealing any way.

They want to feel like they're on top of the world, but really they will be under the sea until they decide to recede their old lifestyle
Most of them never do
And it's quite a shame
I want no part of it all
I want only a part in something that makes me more refined
Those come less often
Sorry to break the news
But i never was a decent reporter to begin with
Measuring my failures from length to width
Fourth to fifth
Place on the board
Makes me get easily sad and bored
With the copycat results
I won't mimic the rest
I'll put my creativity under arrest
If it means sparking a whole new circuit
To bestow something magnificent upon the world
But i won't be waiting for it
I'll drag it out if i have to.

Met a guy who goes by Radstunts
One of the best transient moments of my life
Sounds like a nineteen ninety's moniker
I've heard many other names
But they're nowhere near as simple but edgy as that.
Chill as can be
Not all stage names and monikers are bad
Some of them give a side to a person most wouldn't expect
We all need to grow at some point
Not grow apart from anything unless it's the deep, spiraling depression that has etched itself into our woven souls.
Only a few atoms should be split
For the overall.

My luck is basically telling a deaf person to speak for themselves and not know it.