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We cut trees
Then make papers
Where we write posters
To not cut trees.

We make money
To buy everything
But by having nothing
We let money make us.

We arm our troops
To build peace
Yet the same weapon
Is used to destroy peace.

We sacrifice our health
Just to save money
Only to spend it all
To save our health.

We destroy forests
To create cities
So that inside them
We can make forests.

Our lack of knowledge
Leads to ignorance
But the same is true
With knowing too much.
I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.
The original quote "I dont know how many times I survived myself, without telling anyone else.", which triggered the whole poem was written by @deadwatered. A talented poet I follow on tumblr.

some memories preserved
for special one, some reserved
for long, some freezed
with time, some released
some memories' fragrance
yet infused in the ambience
when they cross the mind
the life gets new vibrance


 Nov 2018 astiani hayn
r m
as vast as the galaxy
with stars swarming
like a blanket of cloth
with twinkling dots of threads
we roam the earth
gallantly
with hearts individually beating
with breaths individually taken
and in the middle of the crowd
is me, thinking of the statistics

seven billion people in the world
and i chose to love
the one
i
cannot
have
thinking of that one person, again and again, like an after-thought that lingers until i cry these feelings all out
// july 2015
 Nov 2018 astiani hayn
aye
her body's glazed with sugar
but her soul's made of spice

her grin is chaotic
but it melts down the ice

she howls for the moon
when it births her with light

she's made love with herself
she's made peace with the night

so why would you put her in a dress?
why would you comb her curls out?

why would you tell her to speak softly,
when her heart commands her to shout?

she was raised among wolves.
she did not grow with the roses.

you expect her to change.
well, the wolf in her opposes.

she is reckless.
she is free.

she is her.
she is me.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
I always wondered
who taught you how to love
was it the fierce full moon
while it lighted you through a blackout night?
or the night owl
who sweetly sang you lullabies?


it wasn't until I had you
At the darkest hour of the night
Howling under the moon
And saw your hazel eyes
So vulnerable, yet fearless
That I knew
it was the wild wolves
who gently taught you how to love
 Oct 2018 astiani hayn
japheth
write
 Oct 2018 astiani hayn
japheth
just keep writing;

write as if the sentences you create
were new languages waiting to be translated

write as if the words side by side
were meeting each other for the first time

write as if the letters on your keyboard, or the ink of your pen
were only created just to make the masterpiece you’re creating.

and don’t doubt yourself ever.

for the words you write,
may be someone’s sorrows,
may be someone’s joy,
may be someone’s hope for tomorrow.
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