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P.s.
I hope you're happy.

Today,
            or tomorrow,
                                    most days
or even just some.

I hope you feel happy always
but I know life can be cruel.

So on days that you don't,  

I hope you feel loved.

I hope you know you're loved.

I hope you remember the things
That make you happy.

And remind yourself how much you are loved on days you are not.

But if you can't be happy,

And if you can't remember when you were.

Please know I'm right there with you.

You'll never be alone.

And don't you ever forget

Even whe  you don't feel happy

Know you are loved.

You are loved.

You are loved. <3
Why do I break everything I touch?
It's almost as if my fingers are razor blades  

But that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is the words that come out of my mouth
After my heart feels like it's been torn into shreds by your blades.

And baby even that, that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is I cant even tell
If my thoughts are real
If my feelings are rational

Baby please help me because sometimes I get lost in my own mind

Theres demons that live up there and they take over sometimes.

It's hard for me to know,
To tell the difference

Between a feeling that deserves to be felt
And a feeling that shouldn't really be there.

I've spent the better part of my life being told that what I feel isnt real.

I've spent the last 4 years questioning myself,
And quite frankly my whole life.

Desperately trying to figure out
Whether I deserve to feel this way

Or somehow I've asked for this.

Did I create this darkness myself?

Does my mind somehow convince me that everything and everyone
In this world
Is only going to hurt me?

Is it my fault if it does?

I wish I had the wisdom
And the rational

Between reality
And insanity

Baby please believe me when I tell you

"I didnt ask to be this way ! I want a way out I want an escape. I don't want to feel this way tonight, tomorrow, or ever again!"

I've tried to explain
Theres no quick fix to this.

Theres trauma.
There's questions unanswered.
Memories blocked out to help
Avoid the pain.

But a person can only handle this constant
"I hate you."
"I love you."
"Don't leave me."

For so long
Before they ***** too.

Have I weighed you down too
With this awful demon.
While trying to fight off my own?
Can anyone on here understand this mess I just wrote? This disorder makes me feel so alone
I am burnout
Have nothing to talk about
Each minute my mind racing with doubt
But nothing seems to come out of my mouth

Today, I don’t have anything
Not a single idea I could bring
My heart is so numb there’s not even a sting
Maybe it’s better off to be just stopping

I know I don’t have enough talent
But this is the only way I can vent
To help my soul slowly mend,
Writing became my only friend

I wish I had more words to say
But my head is still swimming in gray
I need my mind to fly away
Because maybe then, my body will decide to stay
Do not
Force people
To see in you,
What they can not see
Effortlessly..
Because at the end of it all,we choose to see what we want to see in everyone.
  Jan 14 Things I'll never say
Mae
I'm not stable enough for love
I'm not kind enough for love
I'm not worthy enough for love
I'm not ready for love
Lord please save me
I don't feel human
I don't have strength
I don't belong
I don't want to live
I'm nothing but depressed
A lost case
A piece of work
A damaged ex
Will I ever turn my life around?
And see the world differently?
Like it's meant to be
Like I have a destiny
Like anyone wants me
To be here
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