For so many years
I had no words to give
You had left me
My truest love
I thought I had found another
And no longer needed you
But I missed you
You were the one
Who never questioned
My love
You never thought ill of me
Never hurt me
Always knew just the right words
To use

Sometimes I thought
What caused this barrier?
What took away my cherished gift?
That gave me so much
I think I finally figured it out
She never loved all of you
She loved the sweet love you showed
Your sense of humor
She loved your intelligence
How you twisted words
And created thoughts
But the dark side of you
She didn’t care for

In the beginning
I was happy
Happy and in love
With her
We did everything together
Had a plan
Too busy to think about you
Sometimes I went back to you
Devoured your words
Absorbed your feelings
But it was hard
Hard to go back to that time
When my heart shut down
From too much pain

I wanted to spend time with you
Converse again
I think I was worried
Worried what my words would reveal
I never really know
Where it is you go
Once I give you your reign
You’re like a wild stallion
Tearing off into the night
With only the moon as your guide
So I didn’t trust you
No
That’s not right
I didn’t trust her
I didn’t want the questions
That I might not be able to answer

I think by that time I knew
And I was afraid
To be with you
I needed a safe place
And I had none

Until now

You have rushed back into me
Like a breath of life
For a dead man
Resurrected
Reborn
Renewed
Back with a vengeance
Version 2.0
Better
Stronger
Streamlined
Powerful
I think our separation
Your hibernation
Was a good thing
I missed you
Terribly so
I never knew
But always hoped
And now you’re back
I love you
Never let this
Happen again
I hope I never suffer
Another
Writer’s Block

She's so beautiful,
On the inside too.
She's so beautiful,
Through an' through.

There's no way to disguise,
The beauty behind her eyes.
And that's what I see.
Believe me.
When I look into,
The beauty behind the eyes.

The hair that frames her face.
And the smile,
Perfectly placed.
All pale the blue sky,
With the beauty behind the eye.

Her eyes,
So full of laughter.
I see in them,
Everything I'm after.
Beauty within.
Beauty without the lies.
Beauty behind the eyes.

With a heart that's pure an' golden,
She's an angel,
Wings unfolden.
And as I've told her,
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Today is Self-Harm Awareness Day.
Wear orange to show your support.
To Self Harm survivors thank you for being a constant light
in a world that can be so dark.
To those currently struggling with Self Harm
I want you to know that you are more
than just the cuts and scars on your arms.
You are a warrior
and you have so many people including myself
cheering you on.
You will get through this struggle.
I believe in you.
You are greatness who will one day change the world.
Stay strong!
Keep fighting!
You got this!
I love you!
Sending you a million hugs and more!

when we remember
what the times have been
that made us into what
    and who
    we are today
we travel deep into our past
to hear our mother’s voice
our father’s not so friendly gripes
when we fouled up a task he gave to  us

our friends, our teachers, our loves
whose interactions shaped
who we eventually have become  
while we believe that we have always been
     so independent and  autonomous

it may be worth a moment to reflect
     upon the influences
     we are inclined to casually neglect
and recognize the fact
     that we are always part
     of that great whole
     which we so desperately try
     to disavow for individuality

only to recognize a few years later
the minimal common denominator

life is a wonderful excursion into space and time
always surprising, turning on a dime,
leaving us puzzled well unto the end
always intent to look beyond
the next bend of the river …….

I know girls who go through boys like they did toys on the playground
I know girls who pick at their skin and pull at their hair
I know girls who look so hard for love they give out their heart like it's extra change
I know girls who split their skins to stop the pain
I know girls who are so angry they are hateful, even mean
I know girls throw up in the bathroom after lunch, pretending no one heard them when they come out
I know girls with the universe in their eyes yet they can't see a star
I know girls who give themselves away to feel like someone cares
I know girls who hate their moms
I know girls who hate their dad
And I know girls that would rather die then be caught wearing a dress
I know girls who take too many pills, girls who party a little too hard
I know girls with strait A's since they were 6
I know girls who have panic attacks
There are girls with bones and girls with curves
Girls with hearts as cold as stone
But even with all the types
All the girls
We're all the same
Same love in our hearts
Same soul buried beneath layers of our skin
Truth is
We're all hurt
We all need each other
Girls need girls to get through what girls go through

I still reference you in conversations.
I still smell your flannels.
I wonder how soft your hair is today.
I kiss the walls of the shower just to hear the same pop our lips would make.
I wish I had endless pictures of your collar bones and eyes.
I wish I had endless access to your thighs and chest and that dot on your neck.
When I *** I say your name.
Your voice recordings aren't the same.  I want you to call and put me to sleep with your breath and I want this all without the repercussions.

I want you to be my friend.
And I want the benefit of you being my lover again.