Start by hitting snooze
Twice for good measure
Leave the house just a few minutes later
Turning right into a jam
A thick, slow traffic jam
Viscous car molasses
But much less sweet
Sit there for a second
Simmering in sweat
Your blood begins to boil
Your hands begin to clench
Grip the steering wheel
Watch the clock tick time away
Curse your screeching alarm
Curse the convertible in front of you
Curse Monday mornings
Curse anything but yourself
Know that screaming at the cars
Won’t make that red turn green
But do it anyway
Honk your horn
Flash an unfavorable finger
To the vehicles doing the same to you
How is it rush hour
When everything is lagging
Your will to move is sagging
Roll your eyes at the radio
Wishing listeners a good morning
Oblivious to your mini meltdown
Once you can peel away
And break through that barrier
Sprint down that street
Swerving aggressively
Whip into the parking lot
Pretend your throat isn’t hoarse
And your knuckles aren’t white
Go about your day
Get excited for tomorrow morning
Tuesdays are better
Right?

alarm screeches at 7:30am
until slammed against the wall and silenced
but you're then awoken by the cold-sweat panic
coupled with 8am realization
that you were supposed to head to class
ten minutes ago
and with sweatpants and slippers on
you sprint into thirty degrees
fog in the air, fog on your glasses
what a way to start the day!
philosophy *****, but you can't even sleep
hair matted and face oily
you sit there and scribble
every minute passing by slower
making you angrier
and the walk back to isolation
makes your blood boil
so you splash water to get rid of the oil
but now that you're back in a dark and cold room
it's time to hop on to your class on zoom!
you are paying thousands
thousands of dollars
THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
to group facetime your professor
and spend half the time
experiencing wifi interruptions
and roommate disruptions
and near-screaming eruptions
but then you're done.
but not really!
you have a three-hour lab
and no time to eat before
so your meal is trail mix
and you feel weak and sick
but you have to get through
your gpa is dependent upon
mixing these chemicals correctly
so much depends
upon
a red hot
face
glazed with tear
water
beside the white
lab coats
welcome to your life!
this is what you wanted,
right?
this was your dream?
but your "dream"
has been twisted
and wrung out
of its golden magic
a watered down version
of what you expected
you knew it would be different
you thought maybe a third
would be skimmed off
but, hey, lucky you!
it's not even half full
welcome to your nightmare!
i hope you had a fun day
because now you get to slave
over hours of work
staring at a blue screen
icons melting your eyes
emails ruining your life
all you know in the late hours
is wooden chairs
and agony
so return "home"
tiptoe in the dark
because this is not your place
sharing is caring
spend the next three hours
tossing and turning
because you get to wake up
and do it all over again!
if your life has gone flat
at least you know what to expect
if you can no longer be surprised
can you be pained?
i would say i'm sorry
but you chose this
so kick yourself
put on your mask
and shut up.
this is your fault.
this is your life,
get used to it.

to the core.
if this is evisceration
then i can empathize
with all those creatures
cropped and chopped
sliced and diced
salt from my eyes
sprinkled as seasoning
chewed on for your convenience
until i lost flavor
and you wadded me up
whittled me into waste
this is all i am now
a carcass of bones
pulverized into powder
drifting as dust
ah, to be solid and savored
full of taste and trust
but sadly now
just reduced to
just

I’m not sure why I cry
when I should be asleep
It’s dark out and I try to be soothed by rain
But no peace comes to pacify the pain
I’m not sure if you’re the reason why
My heart hurts and my thoughts are too deep
But I overthink more than I should
Over and over
And I’m anxious over events that don’t take place
And I’m desperately longing to see your face
Even though I can’t take a breath or fade away
So many thoughts and yet nothing to say
And as I continue to cry, stuck miles away
With so many thoughts and yet nothing to say.

you CAN have your cake
and eat it, too
yes, yes
i know the proverb
says you cannot
but i can override words
and you CAN eat it
and savor it with a smile
in front of everyone
frothy frosting and all
sprinkled sugar mixed
into your confetti cake
delicious
no thank you
one slice was quite enough
i'll be right back
door shuts
and you are back
in an all-too familiar place
cold tile
party smile melted off
your pastry sitting in a pile
as if it knew
it wouldn't be there long
everything so white and clean
but not for long
kneeling, crying
it doesn't take long
for your treat to reappear
a rainbow mess
but hey,
now you still have your cake!
might not taste as sweet
might burn your throat
and break your heart
but i told you
you CAN have your cake
and eat it, too
so get up
wash your hands
stare into the mirror
at someone you don't recognize
her red face
red, tear-stained face
stares in disbelief
but we all know
you'll be back
so wipe it off
grab a mint
plaster that smile back on
you look pretty!
i'll see you at the next party

my mind is muddled mush
scrambled to eggs
from filling up on
mind-numbing affairs
snoozing sedentary sores
and piling up on couch potatoes
eating up seconds
in a Netflix solo party haze
brain over-binging
and melting in the
lack
a
daisical
days
heart restless from resting
and raging from being robbed
walking the dog
to get some "fresh air"
but the road is the same
empty and sad
and if anything
the up down, up down
stop sit go, stop sit go
insensates my thoughts more
until it becomes a
swirling mash of sorrow
and bittersweet bric-a-brac
every article, every email
strikes a match that flickers out
but if it catches a wick,
it erupts, although quick
and anger devours my body
and my brain s c r e a m s
and screeches for escape
each lobe pounding
and punching
my nerves on fire
that dies as fast as it started
and then i'm back
waking to reading to running to dying
oily and oleaginous
all my ponders
pounded back into pulp
my horrible macerated mind

lub dub lub dub
fist clenched in my chest
nerves and nodes grasping the strings
my pacemaker running rampant

lub dub lub dub
each chamber beats and pounds
pressure rising ever higher
millimeters of mercury mounting

lub dub lub dub
my vena cava caving in
my pulmonaries passing out
tight and taut now limp and languid

lub dub lub dub
my atriums crumpling
my ventricles moldering
its contents come spilling

liquid straw spouting
a serum suspending
red discs running
gasping for something
then slowing and clotting

my leukocytes leaking
my platelets melting
blue blood is boiling
crying for something
then breaking and rotting

my strings are snipped
cutting off the circulation
a cardiac collapse
i wanted love to make my heart beat
not bring my arteries pain
i wanted you to make my system complete
but alas it was all in vein