My whole life, I’ve battled depression looking for the best end after the loss of a best friend. Everybody would recommend a session, telling me to count my blessings this is only a section, of my life.
At 14 I lost my first encounter, with a bottle on the counter I took a bunch of downers and laid down in the tub because I wasn’t “cool” enough and my life was so rough, I was only a kid.
At 15 I had my first beer, the first time I was able to drown out my fear that end was near and I thought I was thinking clear but I was just like a deer, in the headlights.
At 16, I found my way to the end of a roach, the first time I smoked, the first time I realized I could easily cope with the dope and finally have hope that I was shortening the rope, around my neck.
The next few years all ran together, forgetting all the storms I weathered, the people who didn’t get better thinking I was happy I met her, a bird with beautiful feathers her life meaning more than mine.
Everything during this time ruined by me wanting to die, only outnumbered by the number of highs, telling my friends nothing but lies, like I’m fine. Always knowing its almost my time.
I often tried to reason, why I’m fighting these demons my mind committing this treason ending the evenings barely breathing, emotions changing like seasons having to suppress my feelings.
I’ve spent many days feeling nervous, looking for my purpose, through help and service but at the end of the day, 12 years later still feeling worthless.
I’ve been led to wonder what I’m missing. 26 years of no one listening, after a week of the same just saying I’m ******* so I’d run to the kitchen thinking I’m fixing my problems but that only made them worse.
So I would get my thrills with any girl who’d let me cop a feel knowing nothings reals trying to reach a deal so I could finally feel but we were always “better as friends.”
Then there were the girls not ready to date, unless it was a boy they’d hate, or the ones only looking to mate as way to escape their last mistake, who was usually me.
The meaningless flings would always fly with me because I knew I’d never be the one to set her free and they’d always be ashamed for someone to see them with me, but that’s fine.
I know no one wants something broken, a heart that won’t open, a brain constantly downward sloping, someone always coping because they’re just tired of hoping for what they stopped believing.
Next thing I knew I started cutting myself to fulfill the need that I perceived could free my mind by planting the seed that I was a superior breed and couldn’t die.
Really, I would drink then wash my blood down the sink because I wouldn’t have the time to think about my missing link that led me to the brink, of life.
No matter how you cope, in a bar, working on cars, making scars, wishing on a shooting star you’ll never get far, enough away.
So what do you do when you think you’re at the end, without a friend, a stranger in your skin, tired of always trying to begin again, I grab a pen. The paper ask me where I’ve been because I forget every now and then that I can win and that’s when the whole cycle starts again. Ready to welcome you, my old friend.

Days go by and i fret for humanity yet,
time is running out but its infinite.
Should we not all be afraid?

I run, I gallop, I get no where.
I finally see someone else doing the same.
Through each others help we advance.

We look and see others,
with each gained aquaintance we grow stronger,
more able to move.

Finally we realize we need as many as possible.
Some people are reluctant, yet the force grows.
The takeover is complete.

You must think for yourself,
others cannot live for you.
The others will search for your help,
and soon begin to adore you.

You are a great being son,
thats what his mother told him.
Youre meant to do things never done,
Remember the future is never dim.

The flow of Imagination is all he had,
he was growing up a king,
His lfe was set so he was never sad,
Yet he never understood the meaning.

As his fathers time had finally past,
the boy must become a man.
Son i dont know how long I'll last,
but in you i forever can.

The boy knows without him he wouldnt be who he is today,
He is scared amidst it all,
as he prepares his speech to say.
He walks down the aisle and to their knees they fall.

The time has come to rise up.
Shake off the encompassing webs.
Deny yourself what was once gossip
Seperate from the living dead.

His speech began and the crowd went wild,
not restless as hed assumed.
He no longer is the helpless child,
valiantly he resumes.

His goal is to conquer all,
not for the money or endless trees.
He is the greatest ruler youve ever saw.
He brings ****** peace.

The world united is all he wants.
He will not stop till he gets it.
The words he speaks dont seem to flaunt,
however his demeanor speaks it.

Then one day he bears a child.
He could never expect it.
His heart sudenly tender and mild.
So upset of the bloodshed he directed.

The world is one but not through war,
Thats what he finally realized.
The pain and suffering went to far.
There was a new look in his eyes.

He taught his son all he could about the circle of life,
His son ignored and did not listen,
He didnt have to go through strife,
Never had a brow glisten.

His old man was crazy thats what they said,
the naysayers coming forth by the hundreds,
All through his gain they wanted to be paid,
but he no longer felt any hatred.

His son decides one day his fathers time has come,
he prepares mentally all day,
his fathers progress mustnt be undone.
He will step in his fathers way.

As he comes up behind his father,
knife up to his throat.
He tells his father not to bother,
then he begins to gloat.

My empire will triple yours in money and power,
I will forever be respected by my servants.
Now father comes my hour,
Let everyone be observant.

My son just let me utter first a phrase,
hopefully it teaches you something.
If forever you count the riches paid,
your life will mean nothing.

I love you my son,
Just do one favor i plead.
No father the deed is done.
I now shall watch you bleed.

Her beauty far exceeds that of any other
With looks of an angel indeed
She makes me want to look no further
But instead just concede
She walks like she’s on top
Voice tantalizing even me
Has a brain that never stops
Shes the only thing I see
Her thoughts stand alone
She is the best there can be
Her immaculate beauty forever shown
Hopefully shes the one for me

No matter how hard you try you’ll never succeed,
No matter how hard you try you’ll never fail,
No matter how hard you try you’ll always be mediocre.
You will live the normal everyday life.
You will have an average job, kids, wife,
You will be average.
Is that what you want?
Is that how you want to be?
Never remembered.
Never forgotten.
Never existing.
Will you accept this,
Or will you do something about it.
Good or bad as long as its extravagant.
Be extreme.
Good person Bad person be remembered,
Osama bin Laden, or Jesus Christ be remembered.
Make something special of your life.
Don’t conform.
Don’t be normal.
Just do what it takes.
Be remembered.
Satan or God,
rich or poor,
living or dying in glory.
Be remembered.

The day of which I regret,
Shall be the day of my downfall.
I shall be at the top,
And not know what else to do.
Shall I jump for joy,
Or shall I continue to work hard,
Shall I prepare for inevitable downfall,
Or party everyday.
I think I shall do none of the above,
I will just live life as always.
And in the event of my demise,
I shall know there is no one else to blame.
I did this to myself,
There is no one else to blame,
Only my money, power, and ego.
My downfall should be that of a glorious day for many,
They shall say "The tyrant is dead",
Yet I will know the truth of all things
And know they are why I’m dead.
Until then I will strike fear into the mighty,
Take money from the poor.
I’ll live my life the only way I know how,
With Money, Power, Respect.
I won’t hope for these things,
I will hope for something better,
But in the event of my downfall,
I’ll know I could have been better.
I will hope that on just one occasion I made someone’s day
But then again how is that possible when you live my way.
The day I shall regret the most won’t be because I die,
The day I shall regret the most will be because I lived.

I don’t know which way to go
The road splits,
Im bewildered by the choice.
One good one evil
Both right one wrong,
A road I am forced to take.
I ponder and determine I know not the right choice.
One life one death
Spiritually, physically, mentally,
I sit for years pondering upon the choice
Which I shall be forced to make.
A stranger comes and I ask him which is correct
He says the choice is not for him
Yet it is for me to make
I finally decide I don’t need to go either way
My choice is that of no confidence
I walk through the woods down the middle of the roads
And perish either way

Sometimes I wish to lead another life
Alive in a world without strife
If I do then whats the worth
Is there a point in a mother giving birth
No troubles or pain
No one clinically insane
No tears for a frown
No bully to tear you down
No reason for suicide
Its easy to just abide
No discrimination against anyone
No reason to make fun
No reason not to love
No hard feelings against he from above
No fear of losing your life
Only a perfect world without strife
But without pain there is no joy
No happiness in a little boy
No one to blame for your falls
No reason to live at all
No way perfection is for me
I love my life now; leave me be

When life seems to short
it probably is.
When you miss out on the joys growing up,
having your own house, wife, kids.
There is a special place in heaven,
for the ones who die young.
A special group of angels
with the most beautiful songs sung.
It doesnt matter your faith, color, or ambitions.
All that matters is when you spoke, many people listened.
Even in a short life the best still leave their mark,
in the worst of situations they still brought light to dark.
A tragedy has occured everyone knows its true.
Live for the fallen and become succesful as they would have you do.
The gravity of the situation is for sure no mistake.
Just Know one day we will meet again,
because we both believe in fate

When one door closes another one opens,
Oh how true that can be.
When one life ends another one begins,
How long will it take you to see?
I am not the first nor the last ,
To travel across the sea.
Not the first to open a book.
Not even the first to be.
But when all is said and done ,
who am I to me?

Am I the monster figure I once was
The father that everyone loved
Am I the scholar I strive to be
Who am I to me?
Am I the killer
Or am I the killed
Am I the feeler
Or am I the feeled?
Did I let those close to me die
Or did I try to give them life?
Who am I to me?

I am what ever I make myself
One day I can be who I want to be
A good father and husband
Or a low life good for nothin
Will I be the leader of the free world
Or a worker at sea world
Will my dominance be masked
Or will defeating me be the ultimate task
Only sacrifices will help me see
Who I am to me