I only wish to be by your side
I wish for it every single night,
but you didn’t bring me along for the ride,
infact you didn’t take notice until I was out of sight.

Bury me alive,
don’t leave me at the door.
I’ve been stretching this drive
down to the corner store.
I’ve been chain smoking,
and breathing the cold air skies,
I’ll tell you that I’m joking,
and if you cover my ears, I’ll cover your eyes.

I’ve been trying to catch the ocean,
but ended up drowning in her eyes.
I’m stashing away every emotion,
and she accuses my sentiment for lies.
I want to go on a joyride,
I want to drive away but not to hide.
I want to go on a joyride,
but I’m feeling alone and you’re not by my side.
So I’ll turn up the music,
and ignore my pride.

Travelling the dark street
of that old quiet ghost town,
the ferret was very discreet,
but warned of us of the bear and to slow down.
Losing track of time and missing our exit,
with conversations holding a life of their own.
I’ll remind you so you won’t forget it,
now I’ll drive that highway completely alone.

Bury me alive,
oh wait, you made the shallow grave.
I’ve been stretching this drive,
it’s pitch black but I remind you to be brave.
I’ve been listening to our favourite song,
the lyrics I easily memorize.
Eliza Dushku’s turn was wrong,
but if you be my ears, I’ll be your eyes.

I know your measurements; head to toes,
and you’re perfect just the way you are.
You know I love how you look in my clothes
when you sit beside me in my dark car.
And all the streetlights went out
as we silently took a joyride,
it’s not unusual for me but I have my doubt,
that it wasn’t amplified by her by my side.

People will spend years of their lives
reassuring you they care about you.
Instead of just spending one moment
showing you and proving it.

Stem to bloom pulsing vibrant green,
striving life to groom, Jack’s stock without it’s bean.
Hoping for rain but begging for the sun,
showing signs of strain and the season’s just begun.

The commitment and dependency,
doesn’t cause resentment, nurturing comes naturally.
But no matter the effort I lack a green thumb,
I try to work and assert but I’m just feeling too numb.

Decorate the home and grave,
hint: they’re both the same place.
Dig and plant, my hands; a slave,
decorative dirt smudge on my face.
Seconds to minutes, and minutes to hours,
I play “she loves me, she loves me not” while plucking dead flowers.

Soil embraces the seed but nothing tends to grow,
I cry, sweat and bleed, maybe I dug an inch too low.
Hoping for rain but begging for the sun,
attempt to ignore the pain but the agony has won.

Wiping off stomped and crushed
four leaf clovers off the bottom of my shoe.
Walking through the field I felt I was rushed,
but I just knew I had to get through.
Crisping leaves with light and drowning in strong showers,
I play “she loves me, she loves me not” while plucking dead flowers.

Seasons will come and go,
the sun will rise and will set.
What dies eventually will one day grow,
what we remember we will forget.

You know I have every right to feel this anger swelling,
betrayal and heartbreak were the cards you wished to deal.
You say the future has no sure way of telling,
but I’m telling you now and you’re ignoring what I feel.

Try to save yourself, from the truth,
this time you won’t get my help,
so continue on acting aloof.
You know that I’m right to say,
if the tables had been turned,
it would all play out in a different way,
it’d be my name slandered and burned.

Please don’t make me live without you,
show me some mercy and be forgiving,
‘cause to be honest I’ll admit a fact painfully true,
life without you; I wouldn’t call that living.

You know I have a secret smile
that you and only you get to see
and I know that it’s been a while,
I don’t smile much at all lately.
You’ll take me, then you’ll break me and then fault me for the cracks.
You’ll shake me, and forsake me,
and try to wipe out and cover your tracks.

There’s this hole that’s essential
and it no longer can be filled.
A space in time so monumental,
I might as well have been killed

Please don’t make me live without you,
show me some mercy and be forgiving,
the skies are dark and it’s I that is blue,
as life without you; I wouldn’t call that living.

You are the one my heart beats for,
but you also brutally beat my heart.
You are the one that I completely adore,
but when I flatline can you restart?

Please don’t make me live without you,
show me some mercy and be forgiving,
there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do,
‘cause life without you; I wouldn’t call that living.

You know I’d never wish to hurt you,
before seeing you weep I’d choose to die.
But I could never even think to dessert you,
‘cause there’s no good in goodbye.

Do you feel a weight of regret,
do you even feel slightly bad?
‘Cause since the first day we met,
you said you’d still love me even wearing plaid on plaid.

She prays, she stays perched on her knees,
but she can’t admit she never receives replies.
All these days, it’s no phase but she never sees,
essentially she’s only talking to vacant skies.

She pleads with her beads, her trusted rosary
but every word falls on deaf ears.
Every night, routine tight, does she include me
or does she only prioritize her deepest fears?

I’ve only prayed once in my life
for something so meaningless most people would forget.
I should’ve saved my “one” for times of true strife,
but I’m a lucky gambler, I had never lost a bet.
Are you there God? It’s me, Emily,
not the one in the past or the future self,
I could ask for a million things but they wouldn’t hold much meaning
but I’ll neglect begging for my fleeting health.

Up, down, left and right,
I personally prefer the Contra Code.
It aids one better in a fight
regardless of the settings or the mode.
They say Sunday’s a time for worship and rest
but I’ve been working all night and my left brain won’t stop flowing.
I guess there’s a lot of things sitting on my chest,
and a certain type of comfort in uncertainty and not knowing.

I dig six feet deep to find the dedication,
and I put my hands together; connecting my fingers.
I can’t help it, I can’t find it, it seems my hesitation
has a will of it’s own, and it always lingers.