flood my brain with that drug
that fools me I'm in love

The night you picked me up
I was high
but had never been so low.
surrounded by men leading lives with misguided purpose
my hair in a mess of a bun
smoke spiraling around me
you pushed open the door letting yellow light flood in
I looked up at you, you bit your bottom lip shaking your head at me
without being told I followed you through the doorway
if i hadn't known you better i would've thought you hated ****
but that wasn't you, we sat in the car as The Strokes blared aloud
you laughed at stupid things
I smiled at your ambiance
making note that you alone were a euphoria

He had beautiful eyes
The kind you could get lost in
And I guess I did.

I wrote you letters
And kept them hidden
Beneath my bed
Or in my jewellery box
Or in my shirt pockets.
Each time I found one,
I read it and then took a match to it.
It was my way
Of slowly falling out of love with you.
At least that’s what I told myself.

"Are you okay?"
You ask

"Well define 'okay'"
I answer

My heart is beating
Granted, too fast

My blood is flowing
I just checked

My brain is functioning
I'm thinking too much

My stomach is active
It's angry for me not eating

My lungs are moving
I'm just out of breath

Beyond physically?
No I'm definitely not okay

She started doing exercises so she could be stretchy.
So she could be ****.

She started putting on makeup so she could be pretty.
So she could be perfect.

She started starving herself so she could be thinner.
So she could be a winner.

She started cutting so she could they'd all notice her.
So she'd with her demons concur.

She hang herself so she wasn't in the way.
So she didn't have to stay.

If I wasn't gay would people care?
Would they actually let me breath the same air?
Could I actually go to school,
without people being so cruel?
Could I live in a world with no hate?
Maybe people would love me if I was straight.
It's not as easy as people think.
I can't just go to a shrink.
I didn't choose to be this way.
You really think I'd want to be gay?
I don't want attention,
I don't want fame.
This isn't some sort of game.
I am who I am and thats okay.
Most people don't see it that way.
I only wish I could be the same.
To have a wedding and it not be shamed.
I want to have kids and not be judged.
I don't want my reputation smudged.
But apparently I'm different now.
Sick in the head somehow.
Therapy and shock treatment for something that can't be fixed.
How did I get put into this mix?
Toxic and tragic,
that's my life.  
It's like I was stabbed in the back with a knife.
I'm gay,
what's wrong with that?
I get treated like some rat.
Using your holy books and your religion.
To fight against something that makes no difference.
I want to be a human not a punching bag.
Always getting called a ***.
Let that word have power and it gets to you.
But that words as good as whatever is stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love being this way.
I don't care what you say.

I was interested cause i thought you were perfect.
I fell in love with you cause i realized you weren't