I've never been "That girl"
That girl who comes out of a realationship.
And instantly finds herself in another.. Effortlessly. Like it was destiny.

I guess it was just mever destined for me to be "that girl"
That girl, who never stops having people confess their love for her
That girl who people can't stop talking about, how pretty they are.
That girl who can get guys to buy her a drink at the bar.
By the pattern of her soft lips and a hair flip.
Effortlessly. Like it was destiny.

I guess, it was just never destined for me, to be "that girl"
That girl who knows how to flirt properly.
That girl who can put her makeup on flawlessly
That girl who can post a photo to facebook and not find a million insecurities, lurking at the tips of her fingers, as she presses the share button.

And i know that i shouldn't let these things define my femininity.
I know, that i shouldn't let these things bother me, but.. They do.
It's like having a lack of popularity in this world, is seen as an abnormality.
It is seen as less than womanly.
And i'm always forced to ask myself 'what's wrong, with me?'

But maybe it's because i was never destined to be "that girl"
Maybe it's because i was destined to be something more!
To be that girl who just lives her life.
That girl who loves herself for who she is, and doesn't rely on popularity to make herself feel alright.

That girl who knows what she wants, and fights until it's her's.
That girl, who still has insecurities, but.. At the end of the day just says 'whatever?
Because we all know who runs the world'
I wanna be that girl.

I fell in love twice.
The first, a glorious trip over cheap champagne and the dreams of youth.
Tremendously child-like , desperately adult.
But nothing that burns so bright dies slowly without notice.
And I swore I would never love again.
The second, greatest love
Happened without intention
And saw into the future. And saw reality.
And was a great, great love.
Subtlety spread from an ember to a wildfire,
And I've learned that love hurts more as an ache
Than it ever could as an explosion,
And sometimes feels like loneliness.

I'm sorry that I cry a lot
and that my hands are too cold to hold.
I'm sorry that I get so sad that all I do is sleep.
I'm sorry that I stay up for 3 days straight sometimes.
I'm sorry that some days I just can't eat and all I do is drink water.
I'm sorry that I cry a lot and that I'm such a *****.
I'm sorry that I won't let my wounds close and that I pick at the scabs.
I'm so sorry that I avoid leaving the house because I can't stand the thought of socializing.
I'm sorry I can't pay for your gas when you drive me places.
I'm sorry I can't get a job because I smoke when I get sad.
I'm sorry for begging for ***** as a present.
I'm sorry if the nightlight keeps you from sleeping.
I'm sorry I stood in the middle of the street when I saw a car coming towards me
and I'm sorry you had to pull me out of the way.
I'm sorry I **** at writing and won't show you what I wrote.
I'm sorry I won't tell you how I feel and whats going on in my head.
I'm sorry that I can't make you feel better when you're down.
I'm sorry that I would steal things I didn't need from stores I didn't like.
I'm sorry I punched the wall multiple times when I thought about you.
I'm sorry that I refuse to see a therapist.
I'm sorry I shower with all the hot water.
I'm sorry that I say "what if..." so much.
I'm so sorry that I exist.
*I'm so ******* sorry that I exist.

Beware of them
As a lover or a friend
As a family or a foe
As a passerby or a neighbor

Because they hide as they stand on the stage
They put you on a mind-boggling maze
They set you on an endless chase
With no one else but with your own tail

Because they shout in silence
They scream using pen
Using only pseudonyms
They want you to both understand and not understand what they mean

Because they conceal as they express
Behind figure of speeches
They'll have you take a guess
When you do, you're already checkmate in chess

Beware of them
Because they are contrasting beings
Living in a world of what-ifs
Living between reality and dreams

Dreams for family, rage for a foe
Feelings for lovers, concern for a friend
Observation in a passerby, rumors from a neighbor
They turn it into words, rhyming at the end

Because they are but they are not
Because they do but they don't
Because they are cowards but they have guts
Because they will but they won't

Because they are two-faced people
Because they are at different places at the same time
Because they push and they pull
Because they have truths and they have lies

Oh beware of them
Because they're simply complicated
Because they're famous yet anonymous
Because they'll always have you choose