you realize you have no one
when you're screaming into your pillow at 2 am
and you call them
and it rings
and you get sent to voicemail

because everyone can fall asleep
and no one really cares

when your head is about to explode

your heart is bleeding acidic poison rotting you from the inside out

and

you're choking on every single letter formed into words that escaped their mouth

~

If I could come to you ..

be there for you
speak no words,
just hold you
in my arms,
place my hand in yours ..

I would

◇

If I could be there ..

let you know
with my eyes
that all will be well,
just sit with you ..

I would

◇

If I could be at your side

take your pain,
caress the hurt,
kiss your tears
with my hand on your heart ..

I would

~

"Are you afraid?"

Yes I am afraid.
I'm afraid of so much
like the endings to books,
actually loving someone,
having to tell my mother
what I am.

I'm afraid that my family
will hate me,
that my friends already
do.
That everyone who sees me
labels me as
Miss Confused.

I'm afraid of death and life
and everything in between the
two.
Maybe I'm afraid of myself
but I don't truly have
a clue.

I know I'm afraid of who I will
love one day.
What if they hate me now
or what if they think I'm weird?
What if it's the person I broke up
because I didn't love them
anymore.

I'm afraid of a lot of things
and everyone knows it.
Because a world without
fear.
Is like a world without
law.
It's unruly and unjust.
And you do stupid
things that can
get everyone
killed.

So I'm afraid of the alternative,
the thing I fear most
in this world.