I'm not "smart" like them.

I'm not "bright" as them.

I'm not "confident" like them.

I'm not "beautiful" as them.

I'm not "someone" like them.

Can you just accept that?

I don't like crying myself anymore

-Said myself in the mirror.

do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

“This is my last time”,
I said 4 times ago
As I paint my brittle fingernails
Red with blood

if you don’t play
by their rules
you can’t lose
at their game

In a drop of you, I lost an ocean of me.

breathe in the sea
as we drift toward the storm

I wanted a forest fire
But our flame was nothing more than a candle
Not even a bonfire
Short-lived desire

You did not hurt me
I hurt myself...
Walking on a path through quicksand
Loving someone who was not available

All I can do is to move on
Tolerating your face in my surrounding
The past has to be left alone
And finding someone else to sing along