maxine

Oct 2017

Dark Delusion

Us

I'm out here getting drunk on
memories,
While you're out there being sober on reality.

#love #him #her #drunk #sad #reality #us #relationship #sober #memories

Oct 2017

Shirley J Davis

I Am Not Afraid

I Am Not Afraid
Many years I have fought the fight
Crying silent tears into my pillow at night

But a miracle has come to pass
I have begun to reap healing at last

It has been a long hard road with many pitfalls
I wasn’t sure I would survive at all

But I am a strong woman, full of power
I grow have grown in my lust for love of life by the hour

Has it been painless, an easy process I went through?
No, it’s hurt like hell, but what else could I do!

It was stand up and fight the feelings I held down
Or allow the pain to win, and in the sorrow drown

I hope to this world to leave a legacy of hope
To use the pain of my history of life as a scope

That people can look through, and grow
The freedom I have found, I wish them to know

I will proclaim my gratitude for those who have seen me through hell
I have watched, listened and learned life’s lessons well

I am marching into my future, boldly joining life’s parade
Facing all the uncertainties of my future, and I am not afraid.

Many years of psychotherapy have given me a new lease on life. I hope to pass on what I have learned and leave a legacy of hope behind.

#life #lessons #fear #facing #head #on

maxine Oct 2017

a poem for her

my heart is ice cold and for once it's melting when i look into the soul of another rather than cracking from all of the pressure.
i look into her eyes and i see infinity.
i see her devotion.
i see- well i see as much as she allows.
and that's quite alright.
for i am only here for as long as she allows it.
and i used to write of love not knowing what i was talking about, and now i wrote of love still not knowing what i'm talking about but i'm a little lighter in my loafers.
and she makes me happy.
i thought my heart was shattered into oblivion but now it's got a bandaid on it...
with the letters: H. E. R. S.

what is love? baby don't hurt me no more.

#love #poem #poetry #cute #happy

maxine Sep 2017

writings from an unwanted and lost child

I hate that I'm up thinking about you when I know I hardly cross your mind. Thinking about my lost innocence. Thinking about how everyone's told me that I'm older now and need to move on. And I have, but I can't forget the feeling.
As a child you're supposed to feel loved, wanted, adored, yet I always felt like I was a burden. You may be asking yourself, why? Well, maybe it was because I tried to hold my father's closed fists.

please don't waste as much time as i did thinking that it was your fault.

#abandoned #father #childhood #hurt #lost #poem

maxine Jul 2017

Lovesick (unreciprocated)

You were the blue-haired idiot savant that I wanted to sweep me off my feet.
However you left me trying to figure out who I was, with a shaved head and blue heart.
You've made me feel lost yet helped me find myself.
I don't understand your role in my life, but I'll never erase you from the narrative.

My whole childhood I wanted to know what love felt like, now I wish to know what it's like to not feel my soul in my gut.

#love #hurt #heartbroken #sad #poem #poetry #maxine

maxine May 2017

voids pt. 2

i liked the way you made me feel
until you didn't make me feel that way anymore
so i let you go
but was that the right thing to do?
i have a void, that i've been trying to fill
ever so carelessly
drugs, ***, rock'n'roll
i've lost control
hell, i don't want to be in control
i want others to control me
i want someone to constantly be there and reassure me
but everyone leaves or i push them away
and i'm left with the biggest hole of agony inside
that can never be filled...
love is conditional.
love is stupid and blind and erratic and irrational.
love cares for no one.
so maybe it's not love i'm looking for?
maybe it's to erase the past
but time is a cruel thief.
time is selfish and careless.
and we waste him so he wastes us.
i am wasted.
no, not drunk.
but rather a ship, wasted at sea.
stuck in the sand of the past.
with this hole of agony... filling up with unwanted things.

it has been much too long my friend. i've strayed too far from my roots and now i'm back to hopefully use my love for poetry to guide me into the light i want to be under. not one of church, or state. but my light... i want to create my light.
anyhow, voids pt. 1 was written back in October of 2015, from a younger version of me... writing about others having voids, and now i can talk from self-experience. even though i find that extremely tragic... i hope to flourish from the pain i'm currently enduring. and i'm hoping poetry is the first step into constructively filling my void.

#poem #poetry #depression #voids #sad #analogy #agony #maxine