How could I be so selfish
As to take my own life
I didn't think anyone would miss me
But it's clear now
I've got an angel
He's not quite here
But I'm happy
Because he won't let me
Disappear

The pain is getting stronger
The days are getting longer
My body feels colder
She just wants someone to hold her

She's alone at night
Fighting a painful fight
Crying herself to sleep

She slits her wrist
As death whispers in her ear
Waking up in the morning
Will be her biggest fear

Looking in my tainted mirror
Disgusted by what I see.
The fat protruding through my shirt,
Covering every inch of my vile body.
Hating my reflection,
I must get rid of the fat I see.

Calories I can't stand,
Cut them down,
Cut them out.
Lose the weight and maybe then
I'll finally be happy in my skin.

Workout, build up a sweat.
Don't eat,
Don't feel.
Work the weight off so you can see
Bones sticking out, the glorious wish.

Looking in my tainted mirror
Disgusted by what I see.
The fat protruding through my shirt,
Cutting out and counting down
The evil that enters my mouth.
I must get rid of the fat I see!

I cut
Just to feel alive.

I cry
Just to feel pain.

I skip meals
Just to feel worthy.

I don't sleep
Just to feel something.

Now, I don't even know
If I'm feeling anything at all.

I feel like I cant do this.
Anyday could be my last,
These tears fall as I struggle
To get to grips of all my fears.
Terrified of never being good enough
To me or anyone.
Scared of failure proving I'm not worthy.
If I fail my dream I know it will be my end
But I'm not even sure I can make it that far.
I want to **** myself
But not to die.
Just so I don't have to feel this pain.

Run away,
They just cant see
All the tears that slipped from your eyes.
Hide your face,
Don't let them see
You're losing grip on reality.

I'm lost inside
And have no way out.
I'm trapped inside
My own dark mind.
I'm no longer afraid to let go
And just end it all now.

Run away,
No one notices your hurting,
Cant see past the "I'm fine" your saying.
Never seem to look
Past the smiles as tears roll down.
What is the point in hanging on?

Thank you,
For being there when no one else was.
For giving me a reason to stay,
For giving me a reason to hope.

Thank you,
For making life seem more bearable,
For making me smile more then I have in a while,
For making everything feel okay, even if it was just for tonight.

Thank you,
For being my reason, even though you may not know that.
For not judging me and not giving up on me.
For being my reason to give life another chance.

There are not enough words to tell you
Just how truly thankful I am.
I just wish I could prove to you how much it really means.
Thank you, I love you.

i jolt awake with tears streaming down my cheeks as the nightmare fills my memories
in it i hear you laughing
-a sound which once brought nothing but joy to my heart
now fills me with dread and sorrow
you were not laughing with me nor at me
but with someone else
with her
•
the saddest part of it all is that it is not only a nightmare but also my new horrifying reality