I woke up and started coughing.
I coughed up the taste of you from the dream I had.
I coughed brown phlegm into the sink basin.
I coughed and coughed and coughed.

I coughed until sour spit filled my mouth
and I puked all over my socks.
I coughed until my ***** throbbed
and I ******* myself.
I coughed until tunnels threatened to
make me black-out.
I coughed and coughed and coughed.

I coughed until I choked,
my heart was stuck in my throat.
I coughed until I spat it out,
still beating, onto my coat.
I coughed and coughed and coughed.

I coughed until I was lying face-up
in a... casket?

I asked a man for a ciggerate, he pulled the pack out of his back pocket. Handed me one, like it was a loaded gun. Like I was going to laugh and make fun. Turn on him quick & run. I stood there in the dark breeze humming Bob Dylan. He turned to me and said, " kid I see you with a gun to your head, always hiding in bathrooms like that's your heaven instead" he layed out the floor plans on how life worked. Graphs and data of the sorts. No fancy words, no past life inquiry. Not a man but an eagle. He said he still sees me with a gun in my hand as he flew away to some unreachable tree top. The lights faded out, realizing how alone you are, with a gun to your head, on the bathroom floor trying to make it to heaven instead, you dip your toes in the lake of fire. It's warm, I could stay a while.

I'm trying not to break,
And just fill in
The little pieces of me
That have chipped off.
But it's more like covering up
Than filling in.
Have you hear about that walnut trick?
You can rub it on scratched wood,
And it looks new again.
But I feel like it would be weird
Just to rub myself with a walnut.

I'm not sure how to explain this.
When I was younger,
I thought that when you died,
You were reincarnated
Into things that were part of nature.
But not organisms.
Wind, bodies of water, and rocks.

And the special souls were saved for storms.
The powerful and the passionate.
Hurricanes and snowstorms.
Sometimes colliding.
And I could always tell if they were fighting
Because of hatred and anger,
Or reconnecting with love and longing.
Or if it was a little of both.

I know that I am magnificent, powerful,and special
But I would love to just be waves
Constantly returning to the coast of Maine.
You and I crashing over each other
Constantly become one.
Stretching out to touch civilization,
And pulling back to our own world.
Filled with fish and boats,
And maybe someone will give us a message in a bottle to deliver.

There is a darkness in the depths of the heart,
A darkness so consuming and overwhelming,
Able to govern the entire human existence: mind, body and soul.

It is ever evolving to deceive its victims,
To pull them by their toes into utmost  insanity,
Utter unhappiness and painful disposition.
This darkness pervades all,
Eludes all and in doing so,
Corrupts the ever-pure tabula rasa of the innocent.

The innocent turn dark.

But in their darkness,
For every smile and laugh,
There must be good,
There must be happiness,
There must be light.

It is this light that shines through a heart of darkness,
That is able to pervade through the charred sanctities of life,
That can create the slightest keyhole in a resoundingly locked door,
That gives the will to continue,
To search,
And to live.

In every person's heart there is a candle.
A source of light,
A source of happiness
And of serene peace.

Yet,
*It is only able to serve those who light it.