the tears in your eyes weren’t meant for you.
that aching isn’t yours.
give me back the pain that belonged to me,
you weren’t the one I was trying to hurt.

-how you affect others.

here stands a skeleton
of a girl who’s heart is all she
has left and in her aching,
that heart’s last beat will
be for a love only found
up above.

-turns out only one person can save me

“you were old enough to understand”
I was eleven years old.
I was old enough to understand
6th grade.
not how to live without a mother.

-you still seem to blame us for your mistakes

I’m sorry to those who
have lost their moms.
I’ve never felt so guilty.
Could you understand me?
Could you ever forgive me?

-I know you must’ve loved her. I wish I could have met her.

I’m sorry I never had the courage
or the right words to say.
I’m sorry i waited for you
when my tongue was at the ready
my fingers were laced with anticipation but i let them fall dead.
I’m sorry i rejected you for I
felt rejected myself.
I’m sorry i let your heart fall on the floor, but in my defense I didn’t know what to catch.
I’m not quite so good at this,
I’m sure you can see that.
We were in a weird situation,
you know?
And even after all this time,
my heart still beats fast at
the thought of you.
You.
Do you still think of me?
Hope i still walk through that door?
Probably not...
It’s all too complicated now.
I’m sorry I want to see you again.
You.

-how I wish you pursued me when you had the chance

as love enters my body, it is like there is a gaping hole in my back.
the love seems to slip out.
it leaves.
Empty.

-I keep losing things

you didn’t do anything wrong.
my heart was broken
and instead of sewing it back up,
I was trying to fix it by shoving
puzzle pieces into places they didn’t
belong.
my pain was not on you.
I wish I could go back and love you better.

-an apology