Captain Marryat's chariot
Was hijacked by Judas Iscariot
But with the aid of a lariat
He got it back.

Little Miss Muffet
Sits on her knees
Eschews cottage cheese

Does as she pleases.

No cobwebs
Or flies on her.

Life does not frighten her
Either side or during
Any meal.

And do you know what?

I am not afraid to say
I could write
A graphic novel
About my ideal
New Millennial Girl.

Taylor Swift
Has a gift
For lyrical hexes
Put onto exes.

In his monochrome home
Postman Pat
Has a black and white television
To colour co-ordinate
With his black and white cat.

As well as
Secret love children
Who also match.

He christened them all Foam.

As befits an autodictat
With a comprehensive
Collection of
Black and white combs

Kelly Brook
Mistook
A book
For a hook.

Went fishing with
Alanis Morissette
And Anneka Rice.

Caught a complete set
Of Encyclopaedia Britannicas.
Popped it in the keep-net
And mused,

This really is a landmark
Of informational literature
But is rather wet
So not easily used.

I think I'll stick
To the Internet.

Bobby Shafto
Went to see
Queens Of The Stone Age

Without Me.

With your silver buckles
On your knees -
The Navy's answer to
Dita Von Teese?

And you think it highly likely
That you're gonna marry Kylie
When you next come
Home from sea.

Please.

You are no longer
My Facebook Friend
Bobby down a mineshaft go
Bobby Thunderbirds are go
Bobby HomeAlone on your mobile phone?

You poncy little princess
But I digress.

Have I mentioned
You're no longer my Facebook Friend?

Bobby.
Dobby.
Shafto

In the aftermath
Of a very hot bath
Sylvia Plath
Used to re-read
Katherine Mansfield stories
Until she felt
A little bit snory.

Whilst Ted Hughes -
After he'd imbued
The cool waters of
A shower for an hour -
Would watch Jackanory
Till he felt Hunky Dory
Then listen to Aladdin Sane
To bring him back to
The real world again.

Watch That Man!