lately we can only message and call
my situation is awful for a long distance relationship
but he makes me so happy
he makes every day worth living
and even though i've not been able to talk much
he's made me the happiest girl alive
and every day i fall more and more in love with him
~
the boy i'm so in love with set your nickname to the girl who never seizes to amaze me.

everything hurts all the time
the smoke stings
the strings of the guitar eroded
the chemicals that make me smile don't seem to be working anymore
my brain is done for
it hurts my chest
down to the core
i just want to feel something
that isn't this pain
it's all i know
when you sleep
it's the time where i can finally cry
where i crave to die

i've been gone
too long
i yearn for
the empty hospital walls
i thought i put life on pause
it kept going without me
a reminder of what would happen
if i died
nobody would notice
but when i came back
everything piled up
all my feelings
all my work
it's still here
waiting
laughing
wanting me to collapse
so i do

//my thoughts are spilling out and i decide to leave them here for you darling, sorry if they're messy//
i can't get you out of my mind
but i really don't want you to leave
hell, i'm not sure i could if i wanted to.
with us,
it'd mean the world to me just to hold your hand
to feel your skin against mine.
my heart just swells every time you smile
because that smile is for me
you intoxicate me
and i love it.
i'm addicted to you and i never want to stop
you're my color in the monochromatic world
i love using all my 11:11s on you
you're all i ever wanted and i couldn't truly wish for anything more
my thoughts are my pen and thats why i write about nothing but you
i am your poet and you are my poem
in every picture I stare at your eyes then your lips and then realize
i am for you, and you are for me
it's not me and you anymore.
it's us.
with falling in love
we're falling together
and we hold eachother as if only one of us has the parachute
i was scared that if i trusted you to be my sun, i would fly into the light and get hurt.
but i've let go my fears for you.
and i've learned to embrace the warmth that is you
my sunshine
the light of my life.
i love you.

i thought i fell in love with you as the biggest star
my sunshine
i ended up learning
you aren't just the sun, you're the whole sky
and i fell in love with all the stars
because it's the constellation of us

I've never wanted to beg for anyone back
But I'm on my hands and knees for you.

they say
bandaids don't fix bullet holes
but
they do help
so i put another to my lips
breathe
in and out
*in and out

my heart hurts
my body aches
and all i can think about
is *you

i'm trying my best
i'm fragile
limp
alone
tear me down
like you've done my heart
like you've done my poems to you
like you've done my life
why am i still standing

I miss us
I miss having a connection
I hate that I’m so desperate
I hate needing affection
I don’t love anymore
I don’t feel anything but yearn and ache
It’s like I’m in partial sleep
But I’m totally awake
My past nightmares are reality
The thought of losing you used to scare me
Now you’re gone and I’m floating in the middle of the sea
Isolated
I want the feeling of love again
But I can’t seem to find it
You know you were my escape
But now I’ve gone and run away and now I am a misfit
I’ve caught a snag in who I want to be
Still trudging through the battered path of life
Ignoring the string that’s unraveling
now I’m caught in these ribbons of forgotten promises
It’s a spider web of failure and I’m being drained of everything
Numb
I still love you, I think
I just can’t feel it. It’s like I’ve perished
I have a silent heartbeat
When everything’s so still but the brain is active and all the memories have vanished.

i'm just pieces to the puzzle that is us
and i guess you don't want to put it together

perhaps I've always been broken
you just put me together then shattered me again

please don't hurt me
why are you doing this
i thought you loved me.
why now do you decide to be honest when i wanted this from the beginning.
i am too much.
it's my fault
i want to pull my hair out.
help me
no please
i need you.