In the darkness of night, or by the light of day
Waiting for hours with nothing to say
When wonder turns worry and knowledge to doubt
The truth becomes lies and silence to shout
The louder the cry the more muffled the plea
Lost miles away from where we should be
Open and honest and ugly and raw
Without wasting time with the hem and the haw
Memories fight oversights hidden by masks
Begging a thought is a torturous task
Still waiting for a hint or a clue or a sign
That the strength of a heart beats the power of mind

Sitting in the aftermath
Of shattered dreams on broken skin
Left to wonder how
Realizing we are all capable of unmentionables
Steeped in regret
Begging forgiveness
Accidents are accidents
Still, there is no forgiveness
Self-affirming the negative
Unintended consequences
Alter perceptions
Who are these people
Who, then, have I become
Though, that who feels more like a what
And the demons laugh
As they frolic in the real world
Let them run free
Let them dance
Who I was
Will hide in their dungeon
For it is safer in there than out here
Yes, it is much safer
And there is no one
To say differently

          Punish the guilty
                    Punish the guilty
                              Punish the guilty

Who needs proof
What is proof
It was only an accident
Unintentional circumstances
Affirm nightmares
No one will find me in here
Safe in the lair of the beasts who bore me
Alone inside my head

And so i sit here in the darkness
Feeling my heart beat slow and hard
Wondering why salt stings
And finding comfort in the feeling
Of cooling salt tracks on my skin
Trying to figure out how much time passes
Between the stale tears and the fresh ones
Without looking at the clock

Greatful for the reprieve from actual thought
Hating myself for needing release
Weak in spirit and strong in heart
Or vice versa
The fan dries the water
That leaves the salt
To dry in lines on my face

Silently i contemplate life
The intricate complexities
The subtle nuances in a smile or a glance
The way emotion runs too close to the surface
How the heart is both fragile and resilient
And how because we love we cry

I awoke in a dream
Surrounded by a bilious familiarity
Angry shades of the drying blood of hope
Caked over venomous fangs of discontent
Stagnant shadows of effluvium
Emanate from the molten flesh
Of this creature I seem to know

But how, how do i know this putrid soul
This being, born of irascible acrimony
Seething breaths sear my senses
As I feel the pounding heart
Scream within it's chest
Aflame with the atrocities it has incited

Yet, in it's gentle eyes there is no malice
There is only the reflection of an angel
Gossamer vestments blow in the stillness
So effulgent in the darkness
Again, familiar and uncomfortable
It's eyes bore into mine that reflection of heaven

I could not see myself in those eyes
That gaze seemed to hypnotize in its polarity
As I floated unseen, I looked at this being
Seething miasmata while reflecting a seraph
Acidic tears of truth fell from within my poisoned soul
As the creature and the reflection merged in the bluest flame

And transformed my spirit into flesh
I am both the reflection and the being
Living the anguish of the truth of what I am
Fighting every  moment to be less than and more than
Pretending that I do not embody the dichotomy of bile and bliss
Seraph and succubus
The truth and the lie

I can feel you, restless, in my dreams, or mind, or heart.   tortured by thoughts of nothing in blackness in the noise of a crowded room.  There is no peace tonight, in my very being I feel it,  There are no meds to remove the screams, no drugs to escape the torture.  The numbness of self medication keeps your sanity hanging by the strongest of all threads.  Can't think too much, or ponder on what ifs.  But music looks beautiful dancing in the air, and time is a concept of man that serves no purpose other than to **** joy and draw boxes of conformity in thick black lines.

the color of sound
permeates cracks in the void
tolerable life

Existence without reason,  alone in an ever-present crowd, there are no rainbows in nighttime storms, I can feel your quick breaths as you are dragged into sleep unwillingly, though in desperate need. the trepidation runs deep, silenced by normality, fear of separation of mind tethered to others by soul alone.  Pretense in surface honesty, which is perceived as truth.  But the core of it, the fear of it, the whole of it cannot be hidden, for I feel you to the depths of who you are afraid to be.  There is no loss of sanity in being who you are,  Those colors sound beautiful as they dance in the smokey air, and the math is art incarnate, science is the symphony around which all things are born and oh the music.  Yes the music that dances through it all is the very air in all it's swirling hues of blissful perfection

two halves of self dance
tangos of darkness and light
beauty in all things

                    *in wait of nightmares
                    there need not be loneliness
                    joy in one who knows