You're the heartbreak
I've worn with pride
And just a tinge of pain
Cause even though its been eternity
Since I've felt your touch
My heart still cries your name
And dear I'm in misery
Cause you played me
And put me to shame
Cause I was so in love
But to you it
Was just a game
When you were there
Outside my window
In a brand new suit and tie
You know I
Thought you were perfect
And that you could never lie
But God was I wrong
When I thought you were so innocent
God I was so foolish
When I thought you
Said only what you meant
I've never been so naive
In thinking someone
Was heaven sent
But like a flower
To the sun
To you I happily bent
When you were there
Outside my window
In that brand new suit and tie
You know I knew
In that moment
My love for you would never die

To the boy I met two days ago,
With words designed to suit the solitude I've wanted me heart to cave in.
And the smile that made security no longer appear as a faraway myth but was now as close to me as your inhale and exhale across my neck.
I could feel your heartbeat,
And the way it raced marathons to convince me that it wasn't just oxygen you were taking in, but with each inhale was a piece of me I'll never be able to recover.
And when you held me, I reluctantly allowed the walls of my mind to romp into temporary forevers
But soon I was yet to discover an abstract truth
From what you whispered in my left ear.
You'd given me detailed descriptions of your childhood games that were enough for me to conclude that you liked to play -
With stones
And sticks
And Lego bricks
But never,
Never did I think you were capable of playing a round of hide-and-go-seek with my feelings.
I feel kisses on my cheek,
As I continue reminiscing about the first words you spoke to me,
that night.
If only I'd known your "Hello" was filled with deceit that concealed it's rise to defeat me.
I was under the impression that a fall into an empty ditch of your promises wouldn't leave me scarred.
To the boy I met two days ago,
You asked me why I struggle with trust issues,
Knowing **** well that two days later you'd reaffirm my bitterness for your entire species.
Don't call me stupid.
Don't even mouth the word, "Crazy"
I remember.. that night.
Being oblivious to everything you uttered,
I took all of it to heart.
And everyone knows I usually doubt a guy's intentions at the start
But this time
This time I was just as naive as those girls I tease for believing in guys like you.
Hypocrisy -
That's what I became a product of.
Even now, I'm still trying so desperately to have a little faith in the things you're telling me.
This - This isn't a merry-go-round, right?
You won't take me to Cloud Nine and then tell me to jump off, right?
Tell your girlfriend I said hey.
Go hide the fact that you asked me out that night,
Then made me feel guilty for saying no.
The next time you see her, look deep into her eyes and tell her that she's the only girl you're currently seeing
Be tormented by the clips of dejavu when you realize you that you;ve said those words to me before.
I want you to know that it took a lot for me to actually believe you,
And to have you take that for granted is obscene.
So I've made up my mind:
No more tossing and turning trying to get sleep at night,
No more getting to close to a guy that they can almost smell the vulnerability in me.
No more sweet talks.
No more intimacy that I feel the temptation rising to give in.
No more being another soul ready for your hands to take advantage of.
No words that seem to good to be true that they aren't.
No more smiles and no more laughter will ever have to be seen.
To the boy I met two days ago,
I left out one thing that night:
I'm an artist.
And I've drawn an all-new perception of you now
The old one, wasn't honest enough
And now, neither is your love for me.

Darling, I'm addicted to you
And this love we never knew.
Dear, our story's nothing new,
Its as old as rhythm and blues.
Maybe you're whats waiting for me
At the bottom of this bottle.
Darling, when I saw you I fell,
Far past the depths of hell
Into the beautiful cell
Fashioned by your love spell.
No one else can bring
Me to my knees without a battle.
Darling, you're something to behold,
With that music in your soul.
Dear, you're full of tales untold
And passion uncontrolled.
Maybe you're what's waiting
For me at the bottom of this bottle.
Darling, I love you,
Plain and true.

I love the kind of sadness
That makes me write.


-- Eleanor

Our story is amazing,
incredible;
fantastic.

But the truth is often messy,
raw,
and tragic.

I'm hoping we can build a bridge between the two.
(I still believe in Me and You.)

The truth can be real awful,
but our story is so grand,
and there's something to be said about idealism that only you could understand.

The past is far from dead.
We've zombies in our heads.
Though we try our best to stay present -
there are things we can't forget.

The future is a mystery,
but maybe we can solve this riddle.
Caught between dreams and reality;
come meet me in the middle.

They say
"You look like her!"
But they don't really know what she is
And neither do I
Her sunken turquoise eyes are rarely open
Her thin mouth moves and food that has dried around her lips never finds its way in.

She has stopped eating.

She looks hollow

She looks like the end has come and she's still waiting by the door

Beckoning the scythe
But death has not taken her hand

She whimpers and smiles

And sleeps for days


I do love you
But loving and grieving and dying and living

They are not the same

Like my hand on yours
We are just bones
Then stories

Then silence
And time spent
On forgetting to live
And delaying to die

I do look like her
same cheek bones
Same nose
But different stories

Because hers she told so many times that it told her how the rest would go

And my story is untold
So boldly I unfold my life in front of me.
All the steps are open towards infinite grace

But all we are, is bones then stories, then silence except for the sound of the door
When I say goodbye for the last time

Broken hearts and crying eyes,

do you not understand why?

You said you loved me

or so I thought, maybe it

was a long shot.

I'm a six and you're a ten,

I guess all light comes to an end.

Looking at your pics again,

wishing we could at least be friends.

I understand now, everything bends.

Your arms are covered with scars, but I love you.

Your heart is tainted, but I love you.

Your mind is filled with darkness much deeper than mine, but I love you.

Your soul is broken beyond repair, but I love you.

Although you don't notice my constant stare or believe that we're the perfect pair, I love you.

And to think that someone broke you once ago makes me feel like I'm choking on the very air that fills my lungs day after day.

Some may thing that love is blind, personally I think we're too kind.

To kind to let beautiful people waste their time on hopeless, charity cases like ourselves.

To kind to give any love to ourself and instead project it from our tainted soul.

To kind to let people know about our daily struggle so instead we silently stumble.

Your arms are covered with scars, but I love you.

Your heart is tainted, but I love you.

Your mind is filled with darkness much deeper than mine, but I love you.

Your soul is broken beyond repair, but I love you.*

You're too kind, but still I love you.

I dreamt of you last night.
Did you wake thinking of me?
My shoulders and back
feel cold now;
it's where your body
should be.

I dreamt of your hand in mine;
fingers laced, you holding me.
And then, it seems,
I awoke
to this cruel reality.