I live next door,
To a ballerina,
I hear music all day,
And see lights on all night,

It doesn’t bother me,
For we are good friends,
I knew her forever,
Even as a child,

Sometimes I see her,
From my bedroom window,
Dancing like her life depends on it,
Only, it really does,

She moves,
With such grace,
Delicately on her toes,
As if it was easy,

She glances out her window,
Sees me staring,
Flashes a smile,
As if everything was okay,

But I too knew her too well,
To fall for that lie,
I looked at her long and hard,
And now I see why,

Beads of sweat,
Fell down her forehead,
Her legs shook,
As she did a developpe,

Her face was pained,
Strong hint of confusion,
Yet she smiled away,
As if she wasn’t hurting,

She was beautiful,
She could pass as a goddess,
But if you looked closely,
You could see she wasn’t flawless,

Her ever-so-fake smile,
Is what gave her away,
And the shine in her eyes,
Was simply the tears kept inside

Just when I thought,
It was a trick of the light,
She tripped and fell down,
Into a puddle of her own tears,

I didn’t know,
What to do,
Should I climb out my window?
Or leave her in pain?

One thought was dominant,
And it was neither of either,
I screamed just enough,
For her to hear,

She looked up,
And cried once again,
I asked her what was wrong,
Was everything okay?

She said it wasn’t,
As she walked towards her window,
And then did I see her body,
As thin as a straw,

She told me her story,
Everyone was screaming at her,
They said she was pathetic,
Useless in so many ways,

She said she agreed,
They were telling the truth,
She was too fat to be beautiful,
Too fat to dance,

That’s when it hit me,
It explained so much,
She had a disorder,
Anorexia nervosa,

I told her the truth,
While her body shook,
I shook my head and said,
“It’s going to be okay,
My little ballerina”

She smiled, and left.

I Don't know anyone anymore,
It's like they've grown up without me.
I wasn't a missing link,
But only a useless one.

Standing in the bathroom,
I lock the door.
No guns,
No one would hear me.

I bend down,
Reach inside the cupboard,
Searching for something.
I find it.

My fingers curl,
Around a container,
And I shake it a bit,
I hear it.

My breath is shaky,
When I take out the pills,
This is what I want,
This is how it is going to be.

Tears fall,
I think of the words,
As I ***** the lid,
Off.

The computer screen,
Flashes in my mind,
I picture the words,
In front of my very eyes.

'***** ,
My hand goes in,
Grabs a pill,
And I put it between my lips.

'*****',
I swallow,
Tasting the disgust,
But reach down,
For more.

'****',
I grasp another,
But find it hard,
To swallow,
With the lump in my throat.

'***',
The tears streaming,
Can't stop my hand,
That reaches down,
As a sob escapes.

Four pills,
I feel drowsy,
But I keep going,
I need to do this.

Five pills,
I sob at the harsh words,
That flash again and again,
In my brain.

Six pills,
I hear the front door slam,
They know,
But I'm almost done.

Seven pills,
I see white,
I can't smile,
But I can see my future.

Eight pills,
I fall to the ground,
The bottle slips from my hand,
As I slip from the world.

*

I open my eyes,
To see my mother looking down,
I didn't do it,
I failed.

I stared at the big blue cloud,
It was in my hands,
It was so blue that it depressed me
But it was only fluffy candy

I picked a piece from the cloud
I digested it with my eyes and soul,
It was the brightness to a child's life
It was my only happiness

You look at candy,
As sweetness to your life,
but to me it was more,
It was the only freedom I had in the world

I bit into the blue sweetness
As it dissolved in my mouth,
It dissolved my pain,
I was sure everything would be fine again

Then, when the cotton got stuck between my teeth,
So did my hopes and dreams.
I felt like a fool for believing
A fool for trying

A tear slid down my cheek
Making the candy bittersweet
No Cotton Candy can make it go away
Rewrite my story

When they fought and screamed,
I'd try find my happy place,
Eat my sweet Blue Candy,
And just pray it away

I've tried everything
Clovers to Rabbit's Feet,
But this heavenly cloud
was the only price to pay

If my life was all drunk and dead
Would it **** to find my demise-free zone
And just eat some Cloudy Candy instead?

If wishes came true,
With every bite I took
I would have father with me
A Mother to love me

I kept eating the candy though
Even if it didn't taste heavenly anymore
Tears kept streaming down with every bite
I kept the harshness inside

The faster I ate, the more it hurt,
I couldn't swallow the lumps in my throat,
The pain developed inside of me,
Like a tumour, I was a waste, never needed.

You eat all the Candyfloss in the world, it won't work.
It just sweetens the pain, lessens the hurt.

Put me in a freak show
What do you see?
Go to big top
Pay the ******* fee

Be amazed  
Do not fear
Cover your eyes
I am not here

Laugh at the clown
See the liar
Fall to the ground
Death by the wire

Fly in the air
Swallow the sword
Cut in half
Missed the board

Lobster boy
Bearded lady
Strongest man
Nothing too shady

Lights go down
Big top fell
Scream of ******
Gone to hell

I saw the devil in your eyes.
You looked into mine,
your hand wrapped around my neck.
I whimpered in fear,
Not because I knew what you had planned,
but because I saw the danger in your eyes.

You wonder
why I wiggle
so much
why my legs
bounce,
and my hands
twitch.
Truth is,
my mind
can't slow down
It doesn't know
how to take a day off,
its far too good
at tormenting me
more and more
with each
passing second.

-JRM

Touch my body caress it love it
Make me scream for more love me
Hug me tight don't let me go
Kiss me till my lungs go dry
Don't stop lovin me cause I'll stop Livin, envelope me with passion
Teach me to let go
Don't let go
Hold me
Carry me into the dark
Its to dark I want your light
I want you and only you
You lied to me I saw you
You touch me I shiver confused by your sweet aroma, enveloped by your love
Let me go, free me
I'm in the dark I need your light
Help me wats wrong with you
You hate me
You left me
I lay their in complete darkness
Where is your light
That sweet aroma
Your lost to me
Goodbye