Let it be
I leave everything to You

If I have to be hurt again,
please make this heart numb
dry my eyes
block this mind
and let me unable to remember

what is the difference
between love and pain

Dear heartache,
I cannot say that I know you well,
I have never been in love
But I have loved,
Have loved deeply and quickly and without question,
Have loved quietly and cowardly,
Have been loved back.

Dear heartache,
I just wanted to know why you're still
Hanging around here,
Why you keep dropping by
When I have guests over,
They never stay once you show up.

Dear heartache,
I've only known you on the surface,
Have never known the right questions to ask
But I have memorized the structure of your being,
Can describe the color of your eyes down to every fleck of red-brown,
Can still feel every callous on your palm when I think about you,
You have become so commonplace.

Dear heartache,
I think I know what you're doing,
Think I have thought my way through your facade,
I think you are in love with love;
Think you have been following her around for so long
That you couldn't bare to let her go now,
Think you always show up too late,
Show up just as she walks out the door.

Dear heartache,
I cannot say that I know you well,
Cannot say that you have made a home for yourself
Somewhere within me,
Can only stand within your reach
And hope that someday while you are chasing love
She will find me.

You're gone from this world let remain inside my heart

Shall I hate the  time for not being kind?
Shall I get mad of it for confusing my mind?
Or shall I look pass of it like a serious blind
Even when today I am left behind?

Shall I hate the raindrops  for being cold
When they always think of me being bold?
When I want to touch and long to hold?
This feeling of mine seems uncontrolled.

Shall I hate the space between us, dear
All the feeling's faint and nothing's clear?
Shall I tell you more about my fear
What's hurting me, sharp as a spear?

Shall I hate the world for being failed
When pain's the only thing that prevailed?
Shall I hate this life like someone jailed
When it's too much late the truth is unveiled?

I have seen the bliss
before the morning's dawn .
I have taken kiss from a woman
as she slept like a new born fawn .
I have seen the sun and moon set
together in a western sky .
I have seen all the reasons now
as we let our loving die .

I have seen the fog at times when
there was nothing one could see .
I have seen eternity from the mountains
all the way down to the sea .
I have seen love's kind embrace and
felt it's breath upon my skin .
But I don't even dare to dream
there will be another like you again .

Oh , I have seen paradise through
The yellow of the glass .
Tasted it upon my tongue
And it was so very nice .
I have smelled the rose's fumes
And it permanates the air
For evermore I assumed
But now face cold realities stare

I have seen the petals fall
one by one by one
I have seen the fingers slip away
until there were none .
I have this empty feeling
at the bottom of my pit
God it is so unwilling
I think I'm feeling sick

Our love has evaporated
After summer's rain  
Leaving steaming memories
Heat and searing pain
But I have not seen
Nor think I ever will
See a love again like this
Forever that's so real

Were you a friend when someone called
She was so helpless, felt so cold?
Were you beside her when she's afraid
Never insulted her, never betrayed?

Were you a friend when someone asked
She was so afraid to see the past
Did you tell her to be calm and have peace
For your  love, my dear, will never cease?

Were you a friend when someone cried
Was a thoughtful and caring guide?
When I was blind and cannot see
Did you come there to be with me?

When I needed your help to set me free
Were you there as a true friend to me?

Letting go, the deepest fear
I could ever imagine

But I had no choice
not if my heart was
ever to be allowed healing

Not stitched or sewn together as
a patchwork cloak that would be
a duvet for the coming months

This would be
the ultimate surrender
to loving you, knowing
wherever I was going
you may catch me up

An uncertainty, I too, let go
without a kiss goodbye or
a farewell glance
as the words
stopped falling
from your mouth into
the vacuum of space
between us

Standing in the smoke of words,
I sit, I lay down
and I watch clouds
fade to nothing.

© Sia Jane

as i turned at the bend
the house showed up

at the gate she stood
smiling at me
her hair fell down on her back
black slightly curled
perfumed oil fragrant
which when she raised her hand to comb
revealed her navel
that like every other day
lusted me to grab her
press her onto me
coalesce
till i would not know
the part that was she
the part that was me.

the house stands freshly painted
there's a woman at the gate
but she is not her.

i sniff the wind for her fragrance.

twenty years is a long time
but why my lust still seeks her

why these hands burn
to grab her just once

do the time we leave behind
and the space
immortal?