It was the first flowers I
Gave you, they were
Yellow, white & pink.
It was the first flowers I
Gave you, they were
So fragrant as I rested them.
It was the first flower I
Gave you, but you1l never
See, smell, touch them,
As I rest them on your grave.
I brought you flowers and
I will on everyone of you birthdays.

You say things that break me a little more each time
If this keeps going you'll be part of what kills me
I never earned this life ya know
But I did deserve this pain in tow
I don't know what to think
Sometimes when you tell me things I feel calm and yet surprised
Our relationship...it's...complicated
You love me, but I can't love you back
I don't know why, cause you'd be perfect
You'd be so much better at this thing
I don't even know what to call it anymore
I can't even love anybody
I can't love anything
Maybe I thought I loved somebody at some point, but I actually didn't love anything
I could talk myself into it, convince myself that I do love you
I can do it for years and maybe, finally it would feel real
But nothing else ever felt real to be besides force
If it doesn't involve me then I don't care, but if it hurts me, I'm forced to feel it
I don't want to feel it
I've already felt enough, I already feel enough now
And I'm all out of fight
You're pretty much the only thing left My

Lately I've been going to sleep really depressed and it's made not only going to sleep hard but waking up as well.
You've been deemed unfit to love me since you can't seem to love anything that loves you back and I can't seem to get over that.
You built a stone wall around every feeling you ever had for me and i don't know if it's because I don't deserve them or you're afraid I do..
You used to help me get through every night but now you're the only one stealing my sleep and each night ends with an echo of you and I can't even remember what you sounded like next to me anymore.
I remember when you asked "what are you waiting for" and all I could say is "to be somebody that won't hurt you"
I know everything ends eventually and some people find comfort in that but I can't be ok knowing my time with you ended too.

the one I got never to see
the one wiped out silently
yet the most precious

what could you have been child
killed as the fetus!

the one that was never born
whose smiles walls didn’t adorn
yet the most precious

what could you have been child
killed as the fetus!

the one never known to me
the one that was never to be
yet the most precious

what could you have been child
killed as the fetus!

the one my own broken piece
the one I would ever miss
and the most precious

what could you have been child
killed as the fetus!

There is a monster inside of me
and he doesnt want to eat
forces me to turn away every meal
want to throw up at every piece of food i see
He only feast on pain
from my freinds and enemies
Hes also hurting me
but I;m just a puppet for his insanity
theres a monster inside me
and he wont go away
whispers in my ears
tells me no  one wants to stay
tell me im worthless
fat,and ugly
so I wont eay until he thinks im skinny
there is a monster inside and hes always mad
makes me wanna scream
cutting portals in my skin
so he can get out of me
but he shys from daylight
stays with me
at least he will never leave
keeps me company
I have a monster inside of me
and i wont let him leave
we are freinds now
no matter how that seems
He doesnt care what people think
and niether do it
me and my monster
will be destroying things
for eternity

She had cried her tears
They where once like
Diamonds, but where
Shattering in shards
Upon the floor,

She had cried her tears
They were tainted by
Anger, hatred, as each one
Fell opening its wings as
A swarm of black butterflies
Did cut against her flesh.

There was no pain for
what was crawled upon
Swarming darkness consumed
Her once beating chest.

She had a jagged chasm
Of where no pain felt upon
This life. Her tears were but
Tattoos of pain feelings
Darkened.

But she smiled she has no
more tears, And every so
Often a black as night
A butterfly flew forth from
her chest, just another tear
to the wind no longer in her interest.

Little bear* eyes OPEN
Little bear everything SEEN
Little bear held so TIGHT
Little bear keeping me SAFE
Little bear my only FRIEND
Little bear shares BRUISES
Little bear held up PROTECT
Little bear thrown ASIDE
Little bear  "HELP ME"
Little bear witnesses TEARS
Little bear sees EVERYTHING
Little bear now buried with ME
Little bear I wish you could have *helped me.

Dead eyes
never cries
Emotionless face
An angel with no grace
A cold soul
Inner empty never whole
A violent mind
Feelings cannot find
Mummy won't you ever love me?

He found salvation
and then proceeded
to pull its trigger

Ravaging through me
    is an untold destiny
I cannot foresee
      what's gonna happen
But I know what I need
       I need love
It keeps escaping me
            I'm lonely
   I cry constantly
I can't write anything
        Cause I can feel my soul breaking
    I've lost everything
      my heart keeps breaking
I really don't want any pity
   I'm truly not deserving
but my God does this hurt like hell
      I'd just like for one good thing
to happen to me
        SOMETHING
ANYTHING
cause I can't handle losing
    One more thing
   everything I care about
has been stolen from me
     a string of bad luck
Doesn't even begin to describe
   the agony that surrounds me
I'm desperate for something
      GOOD.... PLEASE
I'm asking Fate
    the Universe
Karma
        God
Mother Nature
     Anyone Please
Whoever is making my life filled
      with misery
I'm begging you
          PLEASE
   I can't handle anymore
You've officially brought me
       to my knees
I've cast my pride aside
        all dignity has left
I'm BEGGING
      PLEADING
        Please
Just finally let me be happy



I think I've forgotten
     what happiness feels like