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 Nov 2020
Bobby Dodds
Well I wrote a silly book
And filled it with solemn words.
And put the cantos in.
But wrote them in reverse.
There was a haiku,
I put on some page.
But instead of seven syllables.
I thought it was the seventh page.
Picture poetry is fun
But I couldn't paint, only write.
I put a poem in,
But it's hard to understand,
Cause when I thought I wrote it,
I wrote on my hand.
Its a goofy book of things,
That you never knew could be.
Why don't you come and see
This goofy book of things,
That You never thought should be.
This is kind of what I would think shel sliverstein writes like.
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
Chipotle Chili Challenge champions cheerfully choose chocolate chai cheesecakes
10/5/2019 - Poetry form: Tautogram - An alliterative , visual, one line poem. In other words, a line of words starting with the same letter. - Please note: Even though the word "cheesecakes" spilled over to the second line, I'm using my poetic license to declare that is is still a one line poem.  What's that you say? You don't have a poetic license? You really ought to get one :) - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
Rookie Italian racer Stu Gotti
Wicked fast in his bright red Ferrari
With one mile to go
Gotti got real slow-
Mad dash to the nearest Porta Potti
6/24/2019 - Poetry form: Limerick - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
The monster wanted love from the maiden
And gold that the townspeople paid him
When it came time to collect
Him the maiden did reject
To contain his wrath none could persuade him
11/5/2019 - Poetry form: Limerick - Serving up some more free-range limericks to go! - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2018
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
Rocky squirrel flew through the air
Safely landing precisely where
He wished.

Caught glimpse as Shirley squirrel
(Herself in front of car did hurl)
Was nearly squished.

Rocky had warned Shirley before
Admonition Shirley chose to ignore-
Cars can smite

Such events reveal it's not merely heuristic
Fatalities by car is greater statistic
Than fatalities by flight
6/23/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - I call this a flight of fancy (pun intended)! - No animals died during the making of this poem. - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
Clara Oswald Who
The Doctor's secret wife—who knew?
Returned from September's honeymoon
By way of last year's month of June
5/16/2019 - Poetry form: Clerihew - This is my first ever Clerihew, so I decided to write about Clara Who. I have time for a few questions. What took the Doctor and Clara so long to tie the knot? They couldn't decide on a date. What's their favorite pastime? Time travel. When do they find the time to time travel? It's irrelevant. Ok. I'm done now.
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
An emperor spoke in poetic verse
Which led to fame for him at first
But after some time became a curse
For the emperor had no prose.

Poetic measure determined his fate
The body politic could not relate
Leaving people in a befuddled state
Yes the Emperor had no prose.

Seeking solutions from all his wise men
Beseeching them each again and again
"When will poetic proclivity end?
For I'm the Emperor and have no prose!"

Long and hard the wise men thought
With no answers to the solutions sought
So they hemmed and hawed, yelled, argued and fought,
Still the Emperor had no prose.

The Emperor ended his quest in time
No cure for his affliction could he find
Relinquished the throne and became a mime
At least he was able to pose!
4/26/2019 - Poetry form:  Light Verse - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
One happy-go-lucky senryu
Was caught impersonating a haiku
They levied no fines
But deleted two lines
Now she's a stick-in-the-mud monoku
1/10/2019 - Poetry form:  Limerick - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
Quacky little bird sound
When you hear it coming duck!
If farmer Ted is after you
You're running out of luck

Totin' shotgun and bird shot,
Son, he's aiming not to please
He's sneaking close behind you bird
You better hold your sneeze

Cuz your feathers are a tickler
Your bill is orange and bright
While the farmer is a stickler
He will sup on bird tonight

Lord love a duck!
Of him you mustn't run a fowl
Pain from your freshly plucked feathers
Will be enough to make you howl!
7/17/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - This is the first poem in my new e-book "Bird Beaks & Bee's Knees", a collection of bird-brained poems that attempt to answer the following question:  What can you do when you're as busy as a bee and life bugs you to the point where you cry fowl?  And there you go, barking at the geese, ducks and swans, swatting carpenter bees with your tennis racket and drowning ants with your water hose as if that will help.  The Woodpecker Gazette calls it "A silly, idiotic and unintelligent must-read." So as not to run afoul of the grammar police, please understand that my poetic license is up to date, misspelled words are intentional and the use of puns is clearly authorized. Why in the world would I use puns? To make it more punny, of course! Ok, I'll stop now. Maybe...
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
China charges 1 million annually
For each panda in our zoos
If we won't pay in full
Then the pandas we will lose
Nasty Panda's the exception
No one wants him here or there
He was paid 1 million dollars
To abscond and disappear!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

I smelled him 'fore I seen 'em
That black and white pariah
Slippin' slidin' in my kitchen
On smooshy mushy pulp papaya
I yelled for him to stop
And I told him where to go
Wink and laugh was all he did
With a Homer Simpson "D'oh!"

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

He hasn't bathed in ages
Masked by quarts of cheap cologne
His furry skin sweat-sticky
From the surface to the bone
Smelly cigar and ***** breath
Plus an air of upper-crust
Please keep your kids away
Cuz that nasty bear can cuss!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

If you meet up with Nasty Panda
Better turn around and run
You're bound to lose your money
And your wits before he's done
Don't shed tears for Nasty Panda
Cuz he likes the way things are
Don't forget to hide your keys
Else he'll drive off in your car!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's a scoundrel and a ***
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He's as nasty as they come
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He's gonna raise a stink
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He's much nastier than you think
4/27/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - This is what I refer to as a flight of fancy.  Only this panda is nasty. The other pandas are cute :) - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
Green eggs, Spam and grits
Sam and Pam had their fill,
Then made their way to Main Street
Down WhoDat’s Whatsup Hill.

Waived "Hi!" to their neighbors
To show them that they cared.
All smiled except two who
Just stood there and glared.

Hulu Q Hopps and
His shorter half-brother
They came from two pops but
Shared the same mother.

Hopps came at them fast
So they quickened their pace
Sam and Pam flew past him,
Boy, this was a race!

Hopps huffed and puffed,
While shouting very gruffly:
"You better stop now, or
I'll treat you roughly!"

          "Just what have we done
           To make you so mad?"

"If you don't stop right now,
I'll do something bad!"

Pam and Sam finally stopped,
Turning right around,
Awaiting their fate while
Standing their ground.

Hopps wide-eyed and breathless
Finally stopped within inches
"Listen real closely now,
Your see Mr. Pinch is
Hot on your trail
Looking for retribution
Based on your failure
To give restitution."

          "We don't know what that means,
           We don't know what to say..."

"Doesn't matter at all,
Pinch is coming your way!"

Since Mr. Pinch meant
To slow cook their goose,
Pam and Sam agreed to do
What they learned from Dr. Seuss!

They asked all their friends
To lend them some help.
Eucalyptus, Betty Loo,
JaeJae and Miss Kelp.
Hortman, Octavius, and
Hopps stepped up to bat.
Even Kat came back
And threw in her hat!

Off in the distance
The Catawampas growled
And soon after that
The Terrormasu yowled.

Down came Mr. Pinch
From atop Mount Dumpit
In his impedimenta SUV,
Like it or lump it.

Rolling into town
Entering WhoDat's Square
Pinch shouted "Sam and Pam!
Are you hiding somewhere?"

"You must pay the piper,
I'm here to collect.
Excuses mean nothing,
Your pleas I'll reject!"

Pam and Sam stepped forward,
Friends forming a line.
          "Pinch, you won't get away
           With extortion this time!"

With that Betty Loo
Pulled out her didgeridoo.
The others pulled out
Their instruments too.

All began playing strong,
Singing loud and clear:

"You are hostile Mr. Pinch
And your breath reeks of stench
But we're stronger than you
So you can't make us flinch.
Mr. Pinch you are mean
So you better flee the scene
You're a ****** like no other, Mr. Pinch..."

They droned on and on,
A multi-stanza bonanza:

"You're a villain Mr. Pinch...

"You are ****** Mr. Pinch...

"You are nasty Mr. Pinch...

"You're a ****** Mr. Pinch...

"You disgust us Mr. Pinch...

Mr. Pinch screaming loud
With hands to his ears,
Made a beeline to his
Impedimenta SUV in tears.

Then Pinch did the math
Calculating the odds
He wasn't going to get
Anywhere with these clods.

"You haven't heard the last of me!"
Fist pumping as he shouted.
When he left, all WhoDat cheered,
Disaster had been routed.

Sam and Pam thanked their friends
In a way that befits.
A WhoDat picnic serving them
Green eggs, Spam and grits!
3/10/2019 - Poetry form: Light Verse - My tribute poem to Dr. Seuss. Special thanks for this poem's inspiration to Theodor Seuss Geisel, an American children's author, political cartoonist, and animator. He is known for his work writing and illustrating more than 60 books under the pen name Doctor Seuss. The lyrics in the above poem are my own, as are the names of the characters and locations, but they were inspired by "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," a song that was originally written and composed for the 1966 cartoon special How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The lyrics of that song were written by Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Geisel, the music was composed by Albert Hague, and the song was originally performed by Thurl Ravenscroft. - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019
 Oct 2019
Mark Toney
bold arachnophobes
**** spiders as best they can...
don't burn down the house
5/24/2018 - Poetry form: Senryu - The creative process can take a weird turn when you’re composing poems at midnight. ;) - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2018
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