Temporarily giving up on love,
More like giving up on loving you,
Look at these scars all over my body,
They weren't there before I met you,
Now look at me,
Weak and lonely,
I just want to love and be loved,
But In this world,
For a girl like me,
It's never gonna happen,
So many liars,
So many cheaters,
So many scared of commitment,
So many people in this world,
And I guarantee not one was made for me.

I don't know what to do,
It's like I've lost myself while trying to find you.
It's like you make me suffer so much
But you run free without a care.
To you it should seems like I'm just fine.
What if I told you I was dying inside?
Would you care or would you hate me.
Well I hate me for liking you.
I feel guilty because I'm hanging on to nothing.
You don't want me but I'm carrying my same old thoughts.
I feel bad for you because I love you,
Meanwhile you don't want me to.
I'm such a bad friend for liking you,
Because you just want to be friends.
I still feel like drowning.
This is just another of poems out of many.
About you.
There's so ****** many about you,
Yet you might not have a clue.
You couldn't know,
You couldn't imagine,
How much this is effecting me.
And now I actually sometimes try,
To get you off my mind.
I don't want to see you and ruin your moment,
Because of the fact your aware of me liking you.
Then I think what if this never happened.
What if you just said yes?
Then I sure as hell wouldn't be stuck here feeling like this.
No, I don't hate you.
You can't control who you love,
And I know that more than anyone.
I hate that I love you.
Because I shouldn't so it feels like betrayal.
So I'm sorry but I can't stop.
I haven't wanted to stop but now I think I want it to.
Never the less I have no choice.
I just have to sit here with you tearing me to shreds.
You don't know.
But if you did,
I wouldn't be able to come within a mile of you.
Because I'm sorry, so sorry.
Do you know what it feels like though?
To love someone without a chance,
And for so long but not being given the same type of glance.
So there's pathetic and then there's me.
More rather they're the same thing.
I don't know what to do apart from listen to depressing love songs.
Ones that I can't relate to because they've actually been in love.
They've had a relationship.
All I've had is this stupid crush,
But somehow it still hurts so much.
So I sing the lyrics and want to cry,
But no matter how loud,
You don't hear me.
Because I'm not singing to you and I don't want you to know.
There's nothing you could do.
You don't love me and you can't.
You won't.
But for goodness sake this hurts too much!
I try to live my life but I can't.
Which is because I'm thinking of you.
Everything right now just makes me want to scream.
There's no way around it,
Because you'll never love me.

Here I sit alone and lonely
But I'd rather be by far
Most folks I'd like to push off a cliff
Inside a burning car
To ahead and judge me
But do it from over there
Because I'm half past give a ****
And frankly I dont care
You can think I'm crazy
I'm probly mostly insane
It comes from living the life I've lived
Filled with heartbreak, sorrow, and pain
My mother always told me
Don't play with fire you'll get burned
But I guess I was so stupid
It took years of scars to learn

In the darkness of the night,
Many secrets are kept
And under the woven rug of truth,
Many lies are swept

In the clock that keeps the time,
Many loves are lost
And with the blood of the innocent,
Is how love pays the cost

Into the sea of forgetfulness,
We toss the ties that bind
And in the heart of goodness,
It is evil that we find

In the bottom of Pandoras box,
Lies the last bit of hope found
And to the heartbreak that is love,
We are each and everyone bound

It was summer '95
When I decided to get back home
Seeing that old little town I kinda miss
Where I met my high school friends like 5 years ago,
Dated some famous guys from the football team,
Then graduated with honors, finally

First stop was my old house
I swear I could still hear
My father's laugh,
My mother's deep breath,
Or those strange noises my little brother used to make while sleeping

I stepped into my room
Got lost in some random teenage memories for a while
But I was fine...
In fact, I smiled
My eyes just caught something, right at the corner

It was a phone
And it was my favorite
Cause back then when I was young
There was this boy who always stayed on the other side
Waiting for me to pick it up
So the cable could resonate my voice into his right ear
Probably his heart, too

Late at night, I still remember
When anxieties ate a half of our bravery
We started singing a lovely lullaby
And when the lyrics didn't make any senses anymore
We stopped, just to count each other's breaths
Until the sun kissed the night sky above our sleepy heads

But it was my fault
I was too young and naïve for understanding love and its game
That's why I kept on dancing inside the fire
Thinking it was peaceful and warm
Ignoring the ringing alarm
Not knowing even the smallest spark could burn me down

The nightmare began that night,
When I called him and he wasn't there
I thought oh well, maybe he was busy?
So I drove to his house at 10 pm
Just to drop my heart and let it sink

There he was
Kissing my friend at his lame party
Without even inviting me
When I stood in front of the opened door
A bottle clanked
The ticking clock paused for a second
Then he screamed my name, saying he was sorry
But everything around me had turned into a black and white photograph
I couldn't hear anything
I couldn't feel anything

People on the street looked at me curiously
As I ran away with tears on my pale face
I didn't really care
I slammed my car door and pushed the gas pedal really hard
Hoping winds would blow the pain away
But it never did

At home I blasted the radio on
Soaking myself in sad love songs
I spent that night crying
And the next night
And the night after the next night

A knock on the door woke me up from this long and gloomy nostalgia
I took a deep breath and stepped out of my room
My husband had been standing there, waiting for me
'what did you find?' he asked while grabbing my right hand
'nothing,' I shrugged. 'Just a life lesson.'
He laughed and sneaked into my room

'That was the phone you used to call me when we were teenagers...?'

The nostalgia flashed inside my head once again;
There my husband was
Screaming my name
Saying he was sorry

Apparently it was true love
How foolish he had been,
To trust her completely
And not realise she was only keen,

To use him completely,
Until his smile was no longer seen
Leaving him hollow and bitter,
Oh how foolish he had been.