I don't know where I stand with myself...

Imagine if I was given one moment,
just a single slice of my past.
I could hold it close forever,
and that moment would always last.

I'd put the moment in a safe,
within my hearts abode.
I could open it when I wanted,
and only I would know the code.

I could choose a time of laughing,
a time of happiness and fun.
I could choose a time that tried me,
through everything I've done.

I sat and thought about what moment,
would always make me smile.
One that would always push me,
to walk that extra mile.

If I'm feeling sad and low,
if I'm struggling with what to do.
I can go and open my little safe,
and watch my moment through.

There are moments I can think of,
that would lift my spirits everytime.
The moments when you picked me up,
when the road was hard to climb.

For me to only pick one moment,
to cherish, save and keep,
Is proving really difficult,
as I've gathered up a heap!

I've dug deep inside my heart,
found the safe and looked inside,
there was room for lots of moments,
in fact hundreds if I tried.

I'm building my own little library,
embedded in my heart,
for all the moments spent with you,
before you had to part.

I can open it up whenever I like,
pick a moment and watch it through,
My little library acts as a promise,
I'll never ever forget you

When we met you said life had broken you
It started in childhood, what he put you through
And now you felt shamed because you were homeless
Abandoned by society, drifting and rudderless

You told me as though it was a ***** secret
And thought I'd walk away

You told me how you washed in the railway station
Fighting for work to improve your situation
Never giving up and never giving in
The very epitome of "Who Dares Wins"

And you thought I'd walk away?

You looked in the mirror and saw a loser
I cried and wished that I'd met you sooner
But you just said you'd learnt a lot
Sleeping rough on Christmas Day

You looked in the mirror, hated what you saw
But I looked at you, seeing so much more
Where you saw a loser I saw a hero
A samurai stood where you saw a zero

Knocked down 9 times you got up 10
If it wasn't enough you just did it again
Shotokan Tiger, in potentia
Noble, brave, strong.

Living proof that birth can't dictate you
That a ruined childhood needn't  break you
You overcame all, yet I never pitied you
Forged in flames and born anew

Vicious abuse from a cowardly father
A little half man who claimed to be a soldier
So "brave" he beat you black and blue
But he could learn to be a man from you

In you I see a Pilgrim, bold and free
Longing for mountains and glittering seas
Always going farther, one peak more
You'll  find your Mecca at the Dojo door

So walk beside me on the Golden Road
Let me share your honour code
Be my Sensei and guide my hand
While you light our way to Samarkand

In the mayday of setting capture
My love and I forever after
We have been now for ten long year's
My wife and honey
My tender dear.

Tilt my world upside down
Take me to the fair
Cotton candy almost gone
Clowns do not care

Put me on the wooden horse
Spin me round and round
Up, down, turn it off
Carousel, I am bound

Get me off this wounded ride
No more stop and go
Blurry vision sinking in
Say it isn't so

Tortured mind, black my heart
Cancel out this game
Carousel is not fun
Nothing left to blame

Impossibility runs rampant within me
Overplaying scenarios lost within the inner land of "what if's" and possibilities
I've been this way as long as I can remember
Simplified emotions, yet my brain is an over-thinker who's job is to make me as miserable as possible
Oh, but to dream like I do
Blessings and a curse if you will
For I have an idealistic imagination
Dreams play out like movies on the big screen when I slumber
On occasion I've turned what I can remember in the morning into a short story
Most lay unfinished, the flow long forgotten
Perhaps lying in wait to see if I'll ever return
This is part of who I am as a whole though, an arrangement of puzzle pieces mostly correctly assembled.
Strong willed, strength embodied.
It took twenty four years to even fathom who I am and at twenty six I finally truly know.
At times I wish others would see who I am right off the bat and understand me.
I just want to share moments with people, to experience love in all forms.
To run wild down the back roads of the country, stay up late exchanging stories.
Being misunderstood can be left open to interpretation.

I am free.

When you fall in love with someone
It's nearly impossible to shake that felling
You know it's time to let go
You can't help but to feel
That maybe
With time
They'll change
So you hold on
To the person you think you know
But you don't anymorre
And you deny it
Tell yourself that it will get better
He will get better
You believe
That he won't hurt you again
But deep inside
You know he will
Because he's done it many times before
And you still held on

Have you ever cried because you felt so alone?
Have you ever been left outside in the cold?
Have you ever lived in a home that did not feel like your own?
Have you ever wiped the shadows from your heart, only to find bone?
Have you ever seen these eyes?
Have you ever been hurt by lies?
Have you ever left this life?
Have you ever had to say goodbye?
Have you ever had your heart ripped out and put on display?
Have you ever wished you could remember how to pray?
Have you ever wished you could just die?
Have you ever closed your eyes with the intent to never open them again?
Yes. I have

But I was gonna...
But I wanted to...
But I...
But...

You said you wouldn't leave!!