the one you
fell in love with
still lives,
she is just
well hidden
from monsters
like you.

Last night I saw him after two weeks.
He was 9 shots deep,
patron making his breath hot and
heavy on my face when he hugged me hello.

I was cracking open a second beer
while he cut into the chicken breast.

He grabbed my arm and
placed it on the cutting board.
He pressed the knife to my flesh while I took a swig of beer.
He pulled the knife through my skin,
blood bubbling as he said:

"ah. you almost flinched."

He then took me into his mouth,
my blood making his lips and teeth momentarily stained ruby.

I held his head to my cheek and
kissed his neck while he crouched to my height.

I guess this was too tender a moment for him
because he pinned me against the wall and
pulled my hair so hard my feet ceased to touch the floor.

He kissed me with desire,
he kissed me in a way that almost made me flinch.

He kissed me but it didn't feel like a kiss.
He cut me and it felt like love.

you drowned yourself in XTC because you wanted to stay alive
at night time your veins were filled with whiskey instead of red blood
it were your so called friends that pushed you into doing this dumb ****

you were afraid of the people around you so she pushed them all away
she locked herself in her room listening to her own voice falling appart
until this girl was big enough she had to deal with this every single day
never she had seen the sea and it's beautiful reckless waves, the birds..

and maybe I shouldn't have cried tonight, shouldn't have hurt myself
found sadness and luck in other things than humans or humans...
your younger years have impact on your future but don't let them rule..

it were the nights we had too much to drink and we spilled our secrets
it were the days we cried our eyes out, hoping for someone who cared
we needed a reason to keep breathing, a less broken soul than ours
someone who could build us up, show us the stars in the rare universe

and I learned that day that broken people do laugh at funny stories
and that happy people do cry over all the sad things that happen in life

the world was falling appart that night and the demons were crying
the visions were playing in my head and there was no way back..

she was a cold hearted killer..

He's following me,
I see him over my shoulder.
Beside me.
In front of me.
I wish I could escape,
but his words fill the air.
He's following me
and I can't run any faster.
He's here.
Love is a terrible game,
but hate is a worse one to play.

Stand up.
Back off.
Just leave me alone.
These vines have grown over everything,
and it's hard to find a home.

Break through.
Nevermind.
I'll keep this carpet clean.
It's seen things you'll never know.
Only vacuums know what I mean.

Hear me out.
Ignore me.
**** up everything.
Spit it out in failed attempts to capture the moment.

every day, speak a little less
reduce the number of words you say from half to
ten less, and then none at all.

Don't forget to be soft.
Kiss your mountaintop goodbye for
one last sunrise and descend
into the night
where it's quiet
like you should be.

one by one, pull back towards yourself
the orbs of energy you've left
bouncing around you in the
atmosphere.
be their chalice
one last time
and watch them burn out.

and when you're reduced to
dying ashes and deathly whispers
a strong voice will suddenly falter
and they wonder -
*didn't we once know a ... ?